The St. Louis Gender Foundation Gazette Gazette November - December 2002.

Back to Gazette listings. Prior Issue of The Gazette

President's Column The Editors Column Cooking With Miss Danielle Poets Page A 9/11 Hug

Groovy, Man When Worlds Collide Meet The Third Time's A Charm Laser Hair Removal Coming Out on the Radio

Statement of Purpose

The StLGF is a non-profit, non-sexual, social and educational organization open to all adults who believe in freedom of gender expression. Although our members are primarily male-to female crossdressers and male-to-female transsexuals; all members of the transgendered community, as well as supportive family members and interested professionals.

"The Gazette" is published bi-monthly in January, March, May, July, September, and November. The deadline for submissions is the 15th of the month prior to publication. For information please use our voice mail number (314) 607-4163.

All submissions become the property of StLGF, and should be accompanied by a release-to-print statement. Letters, articles, and/or pictures that include nudity, profanity, or obscenities will not be published.

We also reserve the right not to publish any other materials that we consider inappropriate. All issues are copyrighted. However, any nonprofit organization or publication may reprint articles or other information from this publication, provided they allow the free use of their materials by other non-profit organizations.

If you have any questions please write:
StLGF,
PO Box, St. Louis, MO 63117,
or call us at
<!-- -->-->Email the StLGF: stlgftg@netscape.net

President's Column

by Sharon Love

Hello members and friends!

Hope you all had a hollowing good Halloween!

And I trust we are ready for Fall and holiday seasons?

This is my favorite time of the year. I love Fall and the coming holiday seasons... Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is the time of the year we visit family and friends to share our love and friendship for each other. We put or try to put aside our differences with each other. And for many of us in the TG community, we sadly put away our femm or masculine side. We do this to appease our unknowing family members and or friends. This is just the way of life many, not all, crossdressers and TS guys and girls have accepted to live with.

When I was married, I had to do this every holiday season with my spouse and children and father. Sharon went deep into the closet until after the new year. But I loved my family and accepted this role. The one thing I do regret is when I put Sharon away I resented "John Doe" (lets use this name to represent my male side). This resentment affected some of my enjoying the holidays with family and friends. Lets just say I wasn't very balanced in my gender identities. Now all of this has changed for me. It took a divorce (I don't recommend this as a cure all) and a very close friend and other friendsto help me understand "John Doe" is not a bad guy and he is a very important part of Sharon's existence.

The point I am attempting to get across to everyone is, PLEASE.. love your "bio" (biological) male or female self . ... THAT'S OK! The body you occupy helps to produce that lovely woman or that handsome man you truly profess to be. I know it is) so hard to be temporally deprived of something you need; want or desire from your heart. But isn't even sadder to reject the foundation on which your need; want or desire is built on? I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I don't mean to offend anyone , but I find it very difficult sometimes to accept the statement many TG people have made, "God made a mistake buy putting me in this body...". I believe the only mistakes in life are made when people senselessly hurt each other. Just keep in mind somewhere in life's journey we did some good while we were a "boy" or a "girl" before we accepted our desired or true gender identity. We all positively affect some one in life by being who we are and what we are. This is "a good thing". I believe Transgendered people can see so much and learn so much of life through the eyes of their "bio" side and accepted gender side! To my way of thinking that is a gift the "mono" (one gender exclusively) world can't ever experience! Now "isn't that special".

So this holiday season for those that must temporally put their "true identity" aside, don't dislike or even hate that "male" or "female" body you must appear in to others. That is your foundation you are building on. Still love it. And , to borrow a statement from Ms Patti (our Librarian) "It took us several years to come to our acceptances, don't expect others to do the same in 24 or 48 hours". OK??? Situations can change.

Now.... how many of you ladies love to shop?????

Dumb question 1 know I assume most to all.

Well ladies and gentlemen while you all are out there looking for that perfect holiday gift (I am a size 18 and red is my favorite color) please support our merchants that advertise in the Gazette. And also don't forget our food and beverage restaurant advertisers this holiday season. Let them know you saw their ad in StLGF's Gazette.

Be safe; be happy; love others as you would love yourself and see yah next year .... 2003!

Happy Holidays... Happy New Year .... Love You All.

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The Editors Column

by Shalon

It is OFFICIAL - The Gazette is offered via E-mail! You can print your own copy, in COLOR! You can see the pictures in tremendous detail! Or, you can just keep it on your desktop hidden from your other friends. To receive the Gazette via E-mail, send your request to Shaloncute@aol.com and in the Subject box just type Gazette...

We again have another full Gazette and I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of ourcontributors. Cozy up in your favorite quiet spot, grab your favorite beverage and again be whisked away with the adventures in this issue...

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Cooking With Miss Danielle,

By Danielle

Chicken Andouille Gumbo

Cut chicken into pieces; cover with water and simmer approximately 1 hour until chicken is tender and easily removes from the bones. Pour off stock and set aside. Allow chicken to cool; remove from bones and set aside.

In large pot, combine 1/2 cup oil and 1/2 cup flour. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently to make a dark roux (the color of a copper penny.) Roux is not misspelled; its some cajun word and a verybasic and important ingredient in all gumbo recipes!!

Add onion, bell pepper, celery, garlic and saute until vegetables are tender. Add okra, tomatoes and sliced sausage. Cook for about 15 minutes. Add bay leaf, thyme, basil, pepper and salt. (OK, here's the fun part. I always ignore the measurements for the spices and just dump em in to suit my own spicy taste!) Add the chicken stock, mix well and bring to a slow boil.

Simmer for approximately 1 1/2 hours with the pot loosely covered, stirring occasionally. Add cooked chicken and simmer an additional 15 minutes. Remove from heat. Serve over rice!

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Poets Page

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A 9/11 HUG

Anonymous

In the best of times
The twins stood tall and strong
Having been once shaken,
They recovered well... and we hugged.

Our trusting was unquestioned,
Albeit based on wariness.
We'd met quite by accident,
Though we meant well we hugged again.

The second went before the first;
The first having been smitten harder
A kiss of death met both,
Yet touching was forbidden .like a hug.

Dust and ashes covered our nation,
You stopped along my way.
You stopped, you asked, you hugged
But hugging was so shallow hug no more.

And the one dear heart who needed the hug.
Was left without and waiting
Still waiting and waiting,
Yes waiting for the truth and a hug.

When evil met good that day
Good stepped aside and cried,
Tears gave way to firm resolve;
You'll not take charge, nor stay ...nor be hugged.

That Tuesday morn you led with scorn...
You tried to take control.
You met with death... your own.
And now walk the Earth alone ...an empty hug.

Be that as it may, my friend turned enemy,
Your turn is up, your time is nigh,
You died while we yet live.
Reach out for what you crave ...a hug a hug a hug

Groovy, Man

by Sharon Love

WOW!!!!

I am sorry I guess I shouldn't start a article off like this OH hell . WOW!!!!!

I am very excited as you well may tell. I don't travel very much and I have meant very few famous people in my life. BUT Saturday September 21st yours truly and Mr. Val were privileged to meet a very popular and famous 'POP" artist from the 60's and early 70's Mr. Peter Max. I have been a fan of his work when I was in junior high through high school. Loved his style and use of bright and lively colors on posters and canvas.

When I originally heard Peter Max was having a showing here in Clayton I thought it would be great to visit. Ms Sharon had never been to an upscale exclusive art show before. So as not to be unescorted, Mr. Val (the gentleman he is) escorted Ms Sharon to the showing. As we walked in the gallery, exhibits of his work graced the walls. I was so elated while viewing his original works, I didn't have time to be worrying if some one would read me or not. And guess what... no problems. And if I was read the people were very civil and kind to me. So we were there about 10 minutes when Val pointed out the artist .... in the flesh. I was like a little teenage girl meeting a rock star for the first time. I impatiently waited for him to finish talking to a couple in front of me ... Val went to find a program for him to autograph. fumbled through my purse for a pen. FINALLY.

The couple finished talking and left .... 1 gracefully stepped forward and introduced myself and Mr.Val stepped forward also . With a very big smile Mr. Max extended his hand to return our greeting. As he shook my hand I was thinking "I am shaking the hand of the man that revolutionized pop art in the 1960's... I am finally meeting Peter Max!!!! and as Sharon WOW!!!".

I would have loved to have some photos to accompany this article but the staff would not allow cameras in the gallery. But any way we talked to him about his about his work. He seem to be a very laid back easy going and a warm person. We also got a photo with him but I don't think we will ever see it. One of the requirements to getting a copy of the photo was to buy an original painting. Believe me I would have done it but starting prices were about $2000.00 to $60,000.00. A very good investment ..just a little too rich for my purse at this time. But just the experience of talking with other art lovers and meeting the artist was a wonderful evening for this lady.

And the evening didn't stop there after leaving the gallery we went to Union Station to the City Improv. The improv players were doing a marathon charity show for the "Chris Farley Foundation". Ms Sharon And Mr. Val had a wonderful time enjoying the improvisational comedy by local St. Louis comedians. Who knows maybe on that stage that night we may have been viewing another (future) famous comedic "artist".

Ladies and gentlemen there is sooo much for TG people to do in St. Louis. Look your best; be yourself and enjoy who you are and you will be surprised how most people will accept you.

Love .... Peace

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When Worlds Collide Meet

by Patti Milifelt

It is not always a bad thing when worlds meet! Recently all my worlds came together; here are a few things that happened. My family, my coworkers, my childhood friend, and StLGF all met each other!

was one Sunday and Ms Sharon was at my house for a quick stop over and I mentioned my mother and sister were coming over to see my house. Sharon asked if she should leave and I said not at all, let's see what happens, they need to know my life as it is more and more. Well shortly they arrived and were very happy to meet Ms Sharon. My younger sister was in from Florida and had not seen my house so I gave them a tour. My mother and Ms Sharon had a very nice exchange of questions when I was in the other room and I am sure my mother was educated even more than she has been with my conversations her and I have had. My sister is a RN and a head nurse (stop laughing) at a Jacksonville hospital. She comes into contact with GLBT folks quite often. She has mentioned she now asks which gender some prefer when she is not sure by their presentation,

A few weeks later my other (older) sister came to town for her husband 's mom had passed and the funeral was local. At the funeral I got to meet one of my uncles and his wife as Patti for the first time. They were not too bashful or embarrassed to chat with me in public, even though it was our first encounter in years. My younger brother was also there. He is not real comfortable with the Trans thing. He has a son who is just at puberty so he has that concern also. However, he has explained my transitioning to other friends of the family in a very positive way according to my brother in-law.

After the funeral I asked if my sister and mom would like to go to my workplace on my day off. My boss is a grade school friend that lived 3 doors down when we were growing up! I had already asked my boss if it was all right and she was thrilled to see my mom and sister again! She, my boss, was the

catalyst to my finding out about my gender identity disorder. There was a party at her house when we were in the early years of grade school and I was just as excited as my sister that we were going to a party. When it came time to go my mom and he told me I could not go. I did not understand why. They tried to explain it was an all girl party and I still asked why I could not go. When they told me I was not a girl and could not go I was a boy I cried like I never cried before. When I came out at work I went to her and told her that story and she hugged me and said life must have been rough and she was happy for me to have a place where I could be me! I cried. Anyway we, my sister and mom and brother in-law all spent a Saturday lunch with my boss at my workplace.

After that there was a day that some girls from work and I decided to go to the Late Night Catechism
Class show at the Grandel Theatre. I asked my mom and older sister if they wanted to go along and they said yes. We all met at my house before for a light veggie lunch. Well guess who happened to show up! Macy in drab was very happy to meet my mom sister and co-workers. We sat and chatted for a while and left to see a great show, life is grand!

Just remember when worlds collide it is not always a disaster, and the more people get to know the StLGF members the more they like us! Keep in mind these were mostly planned meetings and the parties pretty much knew what to expect. It is a wonderful life!

Keep smiling it makes you look younger!

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The Third Time's a Charm

by Kathleen Kelley

This is Kathleen's third outing, and the best one yet. The first one broke the ice, the second one was much better the third one is the charm. Kathleen has finally gotten the message.

My third trip out in as many months was to occur on the Saturday afternoon of the June meeting. I was going to take Emily on her first ever-shopping trip in the daylight in public. It was my chance to help Emily the way Linda had helped me. I was looking forward to it.

Two weeks before the meeting Kathleen was getting restless and contemplating all sorts of new adventures. I decided one day was not enough and I decided to extend the outing to two days, Friday and Saturday. A chance to spend two days as Kathleen, now that's an adventure.

Friday afternoon found Kathleen in St. Louis, by herself, renting a motel room for two days. After moving all my stuff into the room, I took my usual long hot bath. It relaxes me, and for what I had planned I needed to relax.

I changed into my Kathleen shopping outfit: black slacks, white shell and long sleeve shirt, black
loafers, shorter wig, day makeup, hoop earrings, false fingernails. I took my time with the fingernails, as I would be wearing them for two days. I packed the necessities into my purse, and I was ready. As a final sign of determination I packed all my guy clothes and accessories into a bag, to be placed in the trunk of the car, not to be opened until Sunday morning. It was to be Kathleen all the way, come what may, from now until Sunday morning.

Now this is an adventure.

Walking out the door was much easier this time. I deposited the bag of clothes in the trunk, got in the car, and headed for the J.C. Penney Outlet Store at Jamestown Mall. For those who have never been there it is an outlet store for catalog and leftover clothing and merchandise, at saving from twenty to seventy percent. It is located a little west of Highway 67 on Lindberg. I wear a size 20 tall, and size 12 wide shoes, and I find clothes to fit me. If you are smaller, it should be even better for you.The plan was to get to Penney's when most people are heading home from work, or going out to eat, so it shouldn't be too busy. When I arrived I was somewhat surprised to see cars everywhere, and people everywhere. What's going on? It was the Midnight Madness Sale; so much for not being too busy. I'll be honest, my confidence was put to the test, and I spent thirty minutes sitting in the car debating the wisdom of my next move. I decided to just get out of the car and walk along the sidewalk, just to see how I felt. By the time I got to the door I was caught up in the spirit of adventure, and I opened the door and walked in.

I looked around, then stepped into the women's clothing section and started to shop. Nothing, nobody looking at me, nobody saying a word. Is this for real? It was, and I spent probably thirty minutes just looking around, and found a blouse I liked. Then I headed for the lingerie department, spent another fifteen or twenty minutes shopping, and found a couple of bras, two half slips, and a really nice long nylon nightgown in a violet color. I stood in line for several minutes before checking out. The sales girl was friendly, bagged my merchandise, took my money, and thanked me, and that was that. I felt so good I walked down the center aisle to the exit. I had shopped for almost as hour in a large department store full of people during a sale, and not only had I survived, I had a good time.

I stopped at McDonalds drive thru on the way back to the motel. I just sat on the bed, ate my dinner, and relished my biggest success to date. Linda had told me she definitely thought I could pull it off, and she was right. Then it was time to change and go on to the next scheduled event - a trip to Blakes. I decided to wear my new short skirt and lavender blouse. I looked for Blakes, drove right past it, called on the cell phone for directions, and finally found the place. Before I could get out of the car Kirsten and Rachel arrived. Now I had company for my first trip to Blakes, but I was ready to go it alone. I spent a couple of hours enjoying the company and the show, and we closed the place.

I returned to my motel room about two thirty, undressed and slipped into my new robe. I had a big day tomorrow, and I had already had a big day today, so I needed sleep and rest. I don't know how long I lay there relishing the accomplishments of the day. I finally had my answer: Kathleen can go out in public and not draw attention. She had fit right in, and nobody seemed to notice her, or cared. It felt good, real good.

I slept till ten thirty the next morning, and I was awakened by the alarm. Waking up as Kathleen, and knowing I had the entire day to spend en femme, was exciting. Emily would arrive about twelve o'clock to one o'clock, so I got up, enjoyed another hot bath, and got ready. I decided to wear the same shopping outfit as yesterday, hey, don't mess with success.

Emily called about twelve, I gave her directions and the room number, and she arrived about one o'clock. It's always fun to meet members in drab for the first time; they usually look nothing like their feminine selves. We chatted as she got ready, and I knew she was a little nervous about going out for the first time. We're all nervous the first time, but it has to be done to get on with your personal development. It is much easier with an experienced friend, and I was happy to help Emily with her first time out. It is a chance to start giving something back to the group.

There was a Baptist convention in town, and I think some of the attendees were staying at our motel. Emily glances out the window and notices the people. Get used to it, there are people everywhere

we go. When Emily is ready, I tell her to relax, take a deep breath, and out the door we go.

We take her van, since she likes to be in control and drive. That's fine with me, all I have to do is sit there and look cute. I can do that. Since we're into role playing, I couldn't resist the opportunity to tell Emily not to go too fast, don't follow the car too close, ask how fast we are going, and since I was the navigator I told her where to turn and which lanes to use. It was done in fun, and we both laughed about it. Keep the mood light and relaxed.

We went to Grand Wig for Emily's first time out. I know this place, it's only been two months ago when I first came here. We looked around, checked out the wigs, Emily selected a couple of wigs she thought looked good. The owner came up to us, she recognized me, and I asked her if she could help Emily with her selections and give us the benefit of her expertise. They tried the wigs Emily had selected, and they didn't look that good. Then the owner selected her idea of the best styles and colors, and they more she styled them, the better they looked. Yep, there's no substitute for experience.

When the dust settled Emily couldn't decide which one she liked best, so she bought the both of them. Way to go, girl. On the way back to the motel I think she was satisfied with herself, things had gone well, and she had taken her first step. I had warned her that once you go out you will never be the same, and you'll keep wanting more. From the sounds of her e-mails, she was getting the itch about a week or so after the meeting. Welcome to the club, you're hooked now.

The real adventure for me started when we returned to the motel. It seems my card would not open the door. I tried mine twice, I tried Emily's card, no luck. This situation was funny when I read about it happening to others, it was funny when others tell me of it happening to them, and now it's happening to me... this is not funny! It's another test, and after Penney's I'm up to it. I ask Emily if she wants to come with me to the front desk, she declines and elects to wait in the van. She did offer to drive me to the front desk, but she was staying in the van. I decided to enjoy the pleasant day and walk to the front desk.

There were only five people in the lobby waiting to check in. Only five, is that all? A second attendant was at the other end of the counter, and I approached her. I calmly told her I had rented the room for two days, but my cards had expired, and needed to be reset. She said no problem, took care of it, and I was out of there. No problems, and I only had to pass a half a dozen people on my way back to the room.

Emily decided to change to drab and go out for something to eat. I followed my original plan, Kathleen for the entire day. So Mike and Kathleen go to McDonalds drive thru for dinner. My first time in public as the she component of a couple. Another first, although on my next dinner date I will insist that my date dress a little nicer, and that he takes me to a little nicer restaurant.

We get ready for the meeting, and I decide to wear my new short skirt and blouse to the meeting. Since it's the last meeting I decide to go for it and bring my 4" heels along. I've been practicing in them, and let's see if I can get through the entire meeting in them. As Dirty Harry said "a girl's got to know her limitations." I have my more comfortable 2" heels for wearing from car to meeting and back.

Emily can't decide which wig to wear, asks which one I like, and I tell her the more casual one. She then proceeds to try the both of them on twice, and after deliberation decides on the casual one. It must be a girl thing, and Emily does it well. If I were a guy I'd probably say something and get impatient, but today I'm Kathleen, I understand, and I just smile to myself.

It's the last meeting before summer vacation. Once again I contribute to the drawing, and this time I win a keg of beer. That's the second time in nine months that I've won something. I was right at the first meeting, it is a sign I'm where I belong. I try to visit as many people as I know, trying to get e-mail addresses and trying to find others who might want to get together over the summer. I won't make it all summer without getting out a couple of times.

I have the chance to talk with several friends about the events of the last two days. Linda says she is not at all surprised, that all I needed was the confidence. Emily tells me I look a lot better than I think I do. Mr. Val thinks I look great and will have no problems in public. For a gg opinion I consulted BeBe. BeBe informs me that if I look critically at most women, most women are not all that pretty. She then informs me that if she saw me in a mall she wouldn't look twice or be suspicious. Does that mean I fit in because I'm not that pretty? The truth hurts. What it means is I look average and blend in with the average, and that's a complement. Just kidding BeBe, I know what you meant. I think the message has finally gotten thru. Kathleen looks better than I realize, and she looks good enough to go out in public. From now on I will stop wondering if I look good enough, I will assume I will pass most of the time, and I will get on with my life.

After the meeting I ride back to the motel with Emily. I try to get her to come with several of us to a club, but she is wasted. She burned up a lot of energy building up all that anxiety. She told me while I was going to the front desk, she was playing "what if. What if they give her trouble, what if they don't update the card, what if I can't get into the room and get my clothes? At least her first time out was exciting. We said good-bye and I took my car to meet the others. Where did we go? The usual places? Nope, we decided to go to Joe Hannon's on Dorsett Rd. Sharon, Terry, and Kathy were there ahead of me so I had the opportunity of walking across the parking lot, into the front entrance, and into a bar I have never been into before, not knowing if they were there or not. Yes, they are already here. Since Sharon is among the group, I should have known to look for a table close to the dance floor. I'm learning. The band was good and the place was full of guys, and gals, and the four of us. Later a wedding party comes in, a couple of the girls discover Sharon, then the rest of us, and you'd think we were the first T girls they had ever met. Come to think of it, we probably were. Kathy told me a lot of girls, especially younger girls, dig T girls. I was skeptical, but now I believe it.

I just couldn't let go of the experience, so I went to Mag's to close out the evening. Finally, at 3:00 in the morning, I had to give it up. I said good-bye to everyone, and sadly returned to my motel room. I remembered to bring in the bag of clothes from the trunk. The next morning it was time to turn back into

Ray. With some reluctance, no, with a lot of reluctance, I packed my clothes and accessories. For the last two days I had experienced life as Kathleen would live it. I had dressed and groomed as Kathleen, I had presented myself to the public as Kathleen, I had gone places and done things as Kathleen. It was liberating to be free of masculine expectations and guidelines. But you must also remember that you are now subject to feminine expectations and guidelines. There are pros and cons to either choice, and the greatest advantage we have is we can move back and forth between the two. What I used to consider a problem I now perceive as a gift. The more I accept the feminine component of my self, and the more experiences I have as Kathleen, the more I like her. I would say my life has definitely taken an upturn in the last nine months, it has really accelerated in the last three months, and this last outing was nothing short of excellent. The third time really is a charm.

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Laser Hair Removal

by Sharon Dewitt

What sounds better? 'Honey, why don't we get some laser hair removal treatments?" Or 'Honey, I know how much you hate to shave and complain when you cut yourself-why don't we get some laser hair removal treatments for each other for Christmas?" Hm, I wonder if that would work?

Seriously, several people have asked me about my experience with laser hair removal, so here is a bit of information.

The treatments are short. No longer than 10 minutes for the face. Actual time the hairs are getting zapped is more like 3 to 4 minutes. Most areas are not very sensitive, except for the upper lip. That area brought tears to my eyes for the first 3 or 4 treatments. After the hair thinned out, there wasn't much discomfort. I have been to a couple different places and have found that the equipment and the technician can make a big difference. Too much power or too long in one spot can cause a blister. A numbing cream can be used beforehand if you are prone to pain.

Five or more treatments at regular intervals are needed. Spacing the treatments out over a predetermined period of time catches new hairs in their growth cycle. Not all hairs on your face are on the same growth cycle. Most likely, not all hairs will be eliminated and an annual touchup may be required. The first place I went for laser treatments was very lax on spacing the treatments the proper amount of time apart--different areas of the body have different hair regrowth rates, and you have to catch the hair in its proper cycle with good scheduling. On top of that, their equipment was older, which in today's technology market means it was already outdated, but I didn't know that until I went elsewhere. These two factors resulted in less-than-optimum results. I'm so glad I pursued this further.

The amount of pain is often compared to a rubber band snapping on your skin. That seemed a fair comparison to me except for the upper lip, which I would say was a very large rubber band. The place I go now has a cold air stream blowing over the area being treated, and this seems to help considerably.

Grey hairs are a problem, and many laser treatments (depends on the machine) do not work on them. However, I am having some success with the current treatment, but have not yet finished the full set, so my final opinion is not yet in.

Costs vary depending on where you go, whether you buy a package, and how they bill. A facial series probably will cost somewhere in the range of $500 to $1500. Some places offer discounts.

The cost for underarms is considerably cheaper. There is very little discomfort; I thought the cold air was more bothersome than the laser pulse, though it didn't bother my wife at all. Treatments take 4 to 5 minutes. Five or more treatments are needed, but very little hair comes back in between.

Legs are more expensive, but there is very little discomfort.

I am now going to Sona and am very satisfied with them.

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Coming Out on the Radio

by Patricia Milfelt

I was fortunate to be invited to be on the radio station KWMU 90.7 on your FM dial by RoIf Rathman, he is the president of Pride St. Louis. The show is archived on the web site for KWMU www.kwmu.org Look under programs for the Greg Freeman show Oct 8th titled 'Coming Out". There were, of course other guests,

Candace Gingrich: Manager of the National Coming Out Project Human Rights Campaign

Patricia Milfelt: A person who identifies as transgender Member of St. Louis Gender Foundation.

The show was a discussion with representatives of the gay, lesbian and transgender community about National Coming Out Day. There were also call in questions from listeners and some discussion of personal coming out issues. We discussed what is important about not outing anyone that would not be totally out. The best thing that happened to me in relation to the show airing actually came to light days later, at work!

For those of you unaware of my personal journey allow me to recap. I was a single parent and chose to wait until my children were grown and on there own until I came out to them and the rest of my family. I also changed jobs and took a job making 40% less. Welcome to the world of women! I had looked at my employer years before changing jobs. I knew before applying they were one of the top ten LGBT friendly employers in the world. All that did was let me know they were friendly. I still had to do the job! I did the job as a male, for almost a year, before I came out at work. There were a few close friends I had opened up to at work and went to Attitudes with months before. My employer has a national organization for the LGBT workers and their friends. This support group was a tremendous help when it came time to 'announce" my intentions of ender transitioning on the job.

I took the opportunity of a scheduled closed meeting with my team of co-workers and the director of our building. He likes to schedule meetings with a team from time to time and discuss y work related questions we may want to address with him. I waited until everyone was finished and asked if I may discuss a personal issue. I started by letting my team know I enjoyed working with them and wanted them to be the first to know. I then told them I would soon to be walking in the Pride Parade dressed as a woman and would identify as Patti. Then I said I would soon be coming to work that way! You could have heard a pin drop! I asked the number one guy if that was a problem and he said no, so here I am today totally out and all is well. Actually all is great!

Back to the radio show and the present. There were people at work surprised with information from the radio show that one could be legally fired simply for being LGBT. I had one friend, Cathy, let me know she was very glad to know me, and her life had changed by knowing me. Through our numerous chats she has learned a lot on this subject. Another woman, Redella, made a personal card; hand decorated, and said she had sat in her car listening to the show because her house radio was not picking it up. She said she was glad we were friends. One more friend at work, Stacey said she understood the strange looks some folks give to people who are LGBT, because she gets the same strange looks when she tells people she knows that she is bi-polar. I did not know she was myself until then!

The best event was a coming out at work because of my being on the show. A woman I have known for a short time was in a training classroom with me and 15 other people. We had an extended lunch and there were only three of us back in the room at the time. We were discussing the show and how to find it on the web and the one woman and I were talking of her daughter, she kept saying her son and referring to him. She mentioned she was having a hard time getting it right but was trying to get it right more and more. The younger girl was looking at us in a what's going on way! The older woman looked at her and said "Patti and I have a lot in common. My son is a transgender person." I almost cried! That was the first time she had told anyone with no regard as to who was around or what would be said. She said my son is a transgender person like it was an everyday thing. Here is the really good part. She wanted me to let her daughter know she wanted to talk with her more and to come out to visit her mom more! Words we all want to hear. As we were leaving work that night I told her how proud I was of her for talking about it so casually. Then I mentioned there might be some other issues to deal with at work because she had a son working there. She mentioned something like, he will just have to get used to it and deal with it. He has known about it for quite a while anyway. I think she is ready to accept her new daughter quite a bit more now. That is directly related to the radio show because we would not have even been discussing the transgender issue in the classroom if I had not been on the radio. The bonus is this coming out at work for the mother was on Oct 111h, national coming out day. Let us not forget that family, friends, and coworkers also deal with coming out issues by the LGBT person. Please give the people you come out to a long time to get used to you, because it took you a long time to get used to you being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender.

This is what our group does for each of us every day! We are a social support group. You all have helped each other overcome self-doubt and fear at one time or another. You have all given of yourselves simply by attending our meetings and extra activities that we all enjoy. Every new member needs to see as many people at our meetings as possible. This gives them more opportunities to chose from when assessing how they want to look or dress. Please, ask not what your club can do for you, just be there for others you do not know today. They are the examples of tomorrow. Let them see you all at your best. They deserve it.

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