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The St. Louis Gender FoundationGazetteGazette July - August 2002. |
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The StLGF is a non-profit, non-sexual, social and educational organization open to all adults who believe in freedom of gender expression. Although our members are primarily male-to female crossdressers and male-to-female transsexuals; all members of the transgendered community, as well as supportive family members and interested professionals.
"The Gazette" is published bi-monthly in January, March, May, July, September, and November. The deadline for submissions is the 15th of the month prior to publication. For information please use our voice mail number (314) 607-4163.
All submissions become the property of StLGF, and should be accompanied by a release-to-print statement. Letters, articles, and/or pictures that include nudity, profanity, or obscenities will not be published.
We also reserve the right not to publish any other materials that we consider inappropriate. All issues are copyrighted. However, any nonprofit organization or publication may reprint articles or other information from this publication, provided they allow the free use of their materials by other non-profit organizations.
If you have any questions please write:
StLGF,
PO Box, St. Louis, MO 63117,
or call us at
<!-- -->-->Email the StLGF: stlgftg@netscape.net
Hello members; spouses and friends.
Remember school days at the end of the year. Remember teachers would have this bright idea of "lets review all the material we studied and probably forgot" sessions. This would happen at the close of the school year and the beginning of Summer fun. I am just borrowing part of that idea to review several goals I set in my first Presidential article.
At our June meeting I read several goals which I expect to reach. These are...
1. Continue the excellent path Marci and past presidents have laid for this group.
2. Continue to make StLGF a safe and nurturing group for its members and friends..
3. Promote self acceptance within each of us ....
4. And most of all for each StLGF member; spouse and guest to HAVE FUN!!!!
With the ongoing support of the board members and membership I am happy to say I believe these goals have been meant. There have been some changes but we have continued to have fun at our meetings and outings ...support the girls and guys in StLGF to be themselves and love themselves ...continue to provide a safe and nurturing environment for the membership ...and follow policies and improve past policies laid down by past leaders of this wonderful organization. Thank you all very ...very much.
"Summer is here and the time is right for dancing in the streets..."
"Summer Breeze makes me feel fine..."
"The Summer winds..."
"Saturday in the park ...l think it was the fourth of July..."
"Mr Hobs Takes A Vacation" - starring James Steward
"Vacation" - starring Chevy Chase
"Vegas Vacation" - starring Chevy Chase
"Cat on A Hot Tin Roof" - starring Elizabeth Taylor
"Beach Blanket Bingo" - starring Annette Funichello
The Steak & Shake curb service...
Ted Dew's Frozen Custard (this is for native St. Lou isians)
The Muny in Forest Park
The Riverfront
Riverport
Botanical Garden
Six Flags
The Ringling Bros. Circus
V. P. Fair Pride
Fair StLGF
Summer Party
"These are a few of my favorite things"...(another musical pun) the music of Summer... favorite movies reminding us of Summer ...Summer time goodies to eat... fun and exciting events and places to go ONLY in the Summer. Don't be surprised to see Ms Sharon at one or more of the events and maybe even the Muny or Botanical Garden. Yes ladies and gentlemen I will brave the Summer heat. Have fun; keep cool; be safe and ....See you in September"... "That's all folks". Love You All.
This exciting issue is PACKED with many wonderful stories about shopping (names and addresses included), poems and thoughts, and even a reverend moment visiting the house of God by KaDee one or our TriEss sisters from Springfield. I'm also so pleased that most of you remembered to include a photo, after all you want everyone to know who wrote such a tremendous story at our next meeting.
I am proud to be bringing you some of the changes you outlined in our survey; I have included previous stories (Rita's Ramblings, May/June issue) and stories from other groups (TriEss this issue). I hope to continue along this path in compiling the Gazette, and when you have a remarkable idea, please do not hesitate to tell me. I would like to see OUR Gazette become one of the finest TG publications around.
I have been having difficulty in producing quality black/white photos with my current software. If anyone has knowledge of a program that will produce a quality half-tone dot for the printer (copy operator), I would be most appreciative if you contact me: Shaloncute@aol.com.
As usual, grab your favorite drink, don your most comfy and sexy gown, cozy up in your quiet spot and be prepared to be whisked away to places many of us dream about...
My Dreamby Linda I want to tell You about my dream When I awoke I wanted more Laughter, joy, and sorrow shared We shared all the deepest secrets |
DifferentBy KathrinWhether we are straight, |
Hi All. As a new member, I wanted to thank everyone at the June meeting for making me feel at home and wanted. Just knowing that there is someone else out there that understands where I'm coming from feels real nice. Leah and I had a great time and are looking forward to meeting everyone else.
Gardening tips:
(1) Plant those mums ladies!!! That's right it's time for those beautiful bushy bundles of fall color, and it's not really that hard to get a great looking mum. The first thing to do is to buy a good compact, well shaped mum with lots of buds / flowers on it. Avoid brown areas and any signs of fungus ( brown / black spots or visible fungus).
(2) When you get your mum ready to plant the first thing to consider is where to plant it. Mums like sun so look for mostly to full sun. Also, good drainage is essential. Mums do not like their feet wet! The best way to garden in the west Saint Louis county area or any other area that has a lot of clay is in a raised bed, as the clay soil in the county won't drain fast enough in most areas to prevent root rot.
(3) The fun part. Dig a hole twice as big as the container your mum is in. Using half of the dirt from your hole, mix an equal amount of compost and mix / chop this into a finely chopped mixture. Carefully remove pot from the rootball of the mum. if you need to cut it off of the roots this is fine as long as it is done with care. Tapping on the side of the container helps this alot. Now you want to score the root ball approximately 1/4" to 1/2" with a knife. What this does is spread the roots out so they grow outward and not inward (kind of like an ingrown hair!!! ouch!!!!!) position your mum so that the crown of the plant is level with the surrounding soil and fill the hole around it with your soil mix. Gently pat the soil down around the rootball without packing it too hard.
(4) Water your pretty new mum, fertilize in a few weeks with a higher phosphorus fertilizer such as Miracle Gro. A good way to check if your mum needs water is to stick your finger in the soil 1 1/2" and if it feels dry, you need to water.
Well, that pretty much does planting mums. I hope you all enjoy gardening as much as we do. If you have any questions don't hesitate to E-mail me at stephgrl@swbell.net. You might also take the time to visit my web page at: www.anconaenterprises.net/steph
I work within walking distance of the Chesterfield Mall. I go to the mall normally 3-4 times a week for lunch. I also visit Rebecca, my transgendered accepting Lane Bryant saleslady. On this day I was going to see Rebecca. As if for the very first time, like a beacon reaching out to me, I noticed the Glamour Shots store. A little light went on and I asked myself, why not see if they will make Roberta even more beautiful and then take photos of her. Having long ago overcome my fear of embarrass- ment, I asked the store manager if they ever did makeovers for transgendered people. She replied, of course. I beamed, my pulse quickened, my heart raced and I asked when I could set up an appointment. The manager introduced me to Nan. Nan looked at the photos I had with me, the STLGF Halloween photos, complimented me, but said she could make me look even better. Oh, this set my heart a flutter! We made an appointment for the following weekend, late in the afternoon. I left the store with eager anticipation of the upcoming event.
During the following week I made a point to pass by the store, and each time I did so it brought a smile to my face.
Finally, the day arrived. Nan had suggested that since I'm a larger girl I might want to bring some of my own clothing. What was I thinking; I brought four different outfits for the photo session. Bob arrived exactly on time for the appointment.
There were other ladies in the store getting makeovers and having photos taken, yet the Glamour Shots staff was totally open and accepting and treated me like any other client. There was no hesitancy on their part to make me beautiful and to transform Bob into Roberta. As ladies so often do, they wanted to see my wardrobe selections and oohed and ahhed over my choices.
I brought a lovely long olive green dress with a cute little black bolero jacket, a casual red and white blouse with a contrasting red henley undershirt, a darling green suit and a pink blouse. I only used the olive green dress and the red and white blouse. Four outfits, it must have been a girl thing!
Nan was a hoot. She's a free spirit if ever there was one. So open, so cheerful, so accepting. She made the whole outing great fun. She showed us how to improve my makeup; provided great inside tips and was more than willing to share all she knew to make me gorgeous. She has an extraordinary back- ground in cosmetology. She's worked with many of the 'drag-queens" in our town and others, as well as working on movie sets! She's very good. She did my makeup, applied the eyelashes I provided; we opted not to do nails however. When she finished my makeup she moved on to restyling my hair. She did it all so well. She probably spent two hours getting me 'just right.". As she worked on me, the other staff members appeared to be totally comfortable with me being there. Customers came in and out and there was never any sense of uneasiness. But then I was so ecstatic I might not have recognized it even if there had been. Makeup and hair finished, and I looked stunning! I laughed out loud with joy! What a spectacular job Nan had done. I LOVED IT!!! Finally, picking out my first outfit, the olive green dress, and on to the pho- tos. Jennifer, my photogra- pher, was just as nice as Nan. Jennifer was easy to work with, totally accepting and actually seemed to be having as much fun as I was. She posed me, shot the photos, reshot photos that she thought didn't turn out right and created some wonderful photos.
I changed clothes three times. Twice in my own clothes and once in a lovely black velour top that Jennifer recommended. When the photos were finished, I redressed in the casual red and white blouse and jeans and sat down to pick out my photos. Do you have any idea how tough it was to pick out just a few photos? It was terrible, so many good photos and so little money! How does a girl limit herself? After much debate, some soul-searching, some wallet search- ing, I narrowed the choices down to only four from the 16 shots that she took. I ended up buying those four and felt great. All in all it was perhaps one of the best 41/2 hours I've spent in a long time. I walked in as Bob and gleefully left the store with a much lighter wallet as an extremely giddy, beautiful Roberta.
Candy and I strolled around the mall for another hour unnoticed and went home. I've spoken with the staff at Glamour Shots and Lane Bryant, and they welcome our business. So, if you need to do some shopping or want to splurge and get some great photos taken, don't hesitate to contact the following:Glamour Shots Chesterfield Mall (Downstairs) (636) 537-1550 Make your appointment with Nan. If you do, ask her why she's sometimes called "Hurricane."
Lane Bryant Chesterfield Mall (Downstairs) Ask for Rebecca or Penny Well all I can say is that 'Glamour" did become me on that exciting day!
April 20, 2002. Another date to remember in my Journal. Today, Kathleen makes her first shopping trip, alone, in the afternoon, to Grand Wig.
I checked into my motel room about 1:30 pm, and by 3:00 I was ready to go. I could have been ready sooner, but I enjoy my long, hot, relaxing baths.
The hardest time for me is leaving the security of my room. After seven STLGF meetings it's getting easier, but it's still not easy. This time I'm going out in the middle of the day! I have learned not to hesitate once I am ready. I take a deep breath, walk out and close the door, and head for my car. Once out the door I have no choice, it's sink or swim time, and my natural instinct is to swim.
I have noticed my attitude towards Deportment is changing. Initially, walking, sitting, standing, talking, gestures, thinking like a woman was something I had to do because I was a man dressed as a woman. Now, I have accepted Kathleen as a part of me, and I work to integrate my new personality. Feminine deportment is something I want, and need, to develop, and the more I use it the easier and more natural it becomes. It's psychologcal, you are who you think you are, and you will act accordingly.
Driving to Grand Wig, or anywhere else, as Kathleen is no longer a big deal. I use the time to psyche up for the next step of the plan. When I arrived at Grand Wig I was primed. I grabbed my purse, exited the car, walked right to the door, and walked right in. Make a choice, you're either a chic, or a chicken.
Upon entering I noticed the girl at checkout, and she noticed me. I smiled, she smiled back. Read, but who cares? I relaxed, took my time, looked at all the
wigs, then asked one of the girls for assistance. It was a new and exciting experience to sit in front of the mirror and have a professional handle the fitting and styling. The girls deal with us all the time, so it's routine. While trying on the second wig, a customer (gg) in the next chair spoke up and said she liked the second one better. We chatted for several minutes before she left. I was not expecting that one, but I handled it, and it was nice. The owner walked by, looked at me, and suggested another style. She then took over and fitted and styled the wig herself. I liked it, she sprayed it, and I wore it out. I received several compliments on it at the meeting. (Lesson- go to a professional, let them make suggestions and help with the styling.) I ended up buying two wigs, several pair of earrings, and a pair of sunglasses. I took my time and wandered about the entire store. They also carry clothes, beauty supplies, wig supplies, purses, and jewelry. I was having such a good time I hated to leave, but I had a meeting to attend.
The drive back was also uneventful, but I knew I looked better, and I certainly felt better. My confidence was at a new high. I had gone shopping, alone, in the middle of the afternoon. While at the shop I had chatted with a customer (gg) and she had initiated the conversation! All I had done was smile when our glances met. (Lesson- smile, be friendly and polite. It works wonders.) The more I dress and go out, the more I think the general reaction to CDer's is curiousity. I know my looks are not perfect, my deportment is not perfect, my voice is not perfect, but it didn't matter. Kathleen was accepted, and that's all I hope for.
Grand Wig is located on Washington Ave., between Jefferson and Grand, in St. Louis City. The wig selection is extensive, the staff ready to help you, and they are professionals. Let's face it, the only way to try on wigs is en femme. The prices are more than reasonable, and everyone is CD friendly (even some of the customers!). It was a giant step forward for Kathleen. I had a great time, and I will definitely shop there again.
I like the look of pierced earrings, but I can't get my ears pierced. Have the same dilemma? I have an idea that works for most people some of the time. All you need are earlobes that are fatter at the bottom than in the center (the area that is normally pierced). This idea works for hoop earrings that are full circle. I've used it on hoops from two inches down to one half inch.
First remove the post and any other device for holding the post. A small needle nose pliers works great. Sometimes you must snip off the post, and sometimes the post is soldered on and you must gently break it off. Now file the ends flat and smooth so there are no sharp points or edges. Finally, compress the hoop and close the gap, usually to one eighth inch or less. Larger, thinner hoops have a spring to them, and literally clamp onto the ear. As the hoops get smaller and/or thicker, there is less spring and the gap becomes more critical. Gently pull on your ear lobe, then slide the hoop on at the spot where the ear and the jaw meet. Slide the hoop to the center of the lobe. There should be a light pressure. If it hurts the gap is too small, if you can pull the hoop down and off obviously the gap is too large. The fatter part of the lower lobe literally holds the hoop. Simple but effective.
This idea can also be adapted for dangly earrings. You need to make a couple of small hoops, about one half inch in di- ameter, and the metal needs to be fairly stiff. I like large safety pins, chrome for silver, brass for gold. You can always paint or guild the brass pins. Cut off the point, and again where the piece joins the coil. You should have a piece of wire about one and one half inches long. Take the time now to flatten the ends and remove all sharp edges with a file or stone. Using the needle nose pliers, slowly bend the wire into a hoop, taking care not to bend the wire too much and create an angle instead of a smooth circle. Most dangly earrings attach to the post with a split '0' ring. Open the split ring and remove the post, then either close the ring, or save it for future use if it is not needed at the moment. Now attach the earring to your new hoops, and wear. The main concern with dangle earrings is weight- keep them light.
That's all there is to it. They look like pierced earrings, and most people can't tell the difference. Have fun, look good.
My wife and I took our daughters to the zoo a few weeks ago. My eldest, Michal, has developed a strange affinity for reptiles, so we made the Herpitarium one of our first stops. As we went from one enclosed habitat to the next my youngest, Isabella, had to ask about every creature. 'Is this a nice snake?" 'Will this one hurt you?" 'How about this one?" I attempted to explain to her about venomous and non-venomous snakes, and how a venomous snake makes a quick, almost undetect- able strike on its prey, injecting its poison through its fangs into the blood stream. Then it waits, patiently, until the bitten animal is incapacitated by the poison. Moving in it proceeds to devour the animal, usually whole and alive. I told her that it's difficult to tell good snakes from bad snakes, so to be safe she should just stay away from any snake she might come across while out playing. Being only 31/2, most of what I said went over her head. However, she thought it was cool and I think she got the main idea. My little nature lesson on snakes made my mind wander to a recent evening when I too was poisoned and the intended prey of a similar creature.
It was Girls Night Out. My Drag Mother, the lovely Ms. Kirsten Daily, and I went out for one of our "paint the town red" evenings. We started at Blake's, a quaint corner gay bar near the Soulard District. We watched the show and talked with some of the girls from the foundation who were there. After a while we decided to go to Magnolia's, another 'alternative lifestyle" bar, which is located downtown to see if any other TG girls were out.
We arrived about 11:30, so the college crowd had started to come in and the place was getting quite busy. Magnolia's is composed of several early 1900 vintage storefront structures all together. Moving through it is like going through an old house. Narrow hallways and staircases lead patrons to various nooks and crannies of the buildings, each having its own distinct character, charm, and vices. The place has a strange scent; a combination of cigarette smoke, beer, sweat, and aftershave--with a little 'sex" thrown into the mix.
As you walk in the front door, you are immediately channeled through a hallway to the dance floor and bar. We decided to go upstairs to the drag stage and turned up the staircase before entering the floor area. As we made the abrupt left and proceeded upward, I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye of a man leaning against the bar watching as we ascended.
We waded through the mass of people on the upper level and made ourselves a space at the back of the small auditorium to watch the show. We had been there all of 30 seconds when the man from the front bar came in and moved into a position behind us against the wall. He then proceeded to place his hands familiarly low down the small of my back and introduced himself. 'Hello, My name is Gary. I was hoping some of you girls would show up."
He was a shorter fellow, {l think. With 3-inch heels, height is somewhat relative.} probably in his early 40s, with soft friendly features, and a very warm and inviting smile. I in turn introduced Kirsten and myself. He told us he was from out of town and really enjoyed the company of TG girls.
We then returned downstairs to one of the quieter; less crowded back bars with our new 'admirer" in tow. He insisted on buying us a drink. Already having one about 1/2 full, I respectfully declined the offer. 'Just let me freshen it up for you honey" he said as he removed the drink from Kirsten's hands and mine and stepped over the bar. At the time I thought nothing of this event. However, hindsight is always 20/20. Gary returned in a few short seconds with our drinks. For the next twenty minutes of so we made small talk.
I then began to feel a little bit 'off;" A little unsteady and a lot more 'blonde" than usual. Gary kept asking me very simple, yet probing questions such as 'Where were you born?" that I was getting stumped on. That same afternoon I calculated the speed of light in mph off the top of my head for a fellow employee, but at that point I couldn't even tell Gary the name of the in which I grew up. I had become dumb and woozy. Kirsten was fairing much worse. Although mentally intact, she was extremely sick to her stomach. She asked me to take her home. Gary begged us to stay. 'Sit down. You'll be okay in a little bit," he hissed. Kirsten was emphatic about leaving. 'No! We're getting the hell home!" We said a very abrupt goodbye and left.
We made it home safe and the next day I called Kirsten to see if she was alive. I could think much better, however my stomach was still doing flip-flops. She was still feeling much worse for the wear and didn't remember much about the evening's events. "I think we were drugged," she said. "I know I can handle more liquor than that!" I then decided to do a little research into Kirsten's suspicions.
What I found was, without a doubt, very shocking. GHB, Gamma-Hydroxy-Butrate, or Rohypnol is a depressant 10 times stronger than Valium. It is colorless, odorless, and tasteless when dissolved in liquid. Its effects, which are amplified by alcohol, include disorientation, the inability to concentrate or think clearly, nausea, extreme gastro-intestinal distress, and memory loss. Finding this information made me believe that we were victims of GHB--"the date-rape drug."
Beyond the initial shock, my emotions were mixed up. On the one hand I was flattered that we were the intended targets because there were several other girls there for him to have chosen from. But mostly I just wanted to hunt "Gary" down like a dog and break his kneecaps with a baseball bat.
What were his motives? Did he just want to loosen us up a bit so he could have his way with us? Or did he have something more sinister in mind? The transgendered community has always been a target for hate crimes. Take for example the sad story of Brandon Tina who was brutally gang-raped and murdered. I probably will never know the answer to the question of the predator's intent. I do believe that my honor and dignity, if not my life is due to the fact that 1) God was watching out for me, 2) GHB dosages are designed for average genetic girls and not 6' 170 lb Queens, and 3) 1 am on 400 mg of anti-depressants and was thus not drinking. What did I learn from this? The simple fact that although I can look, walk, feel, and talk like a girl--I'm not. I see life filtered through my genetic male paradigm. "Real" girls walk in groups, carry their car keys as weapons, and never accept drinks from the hands of strangers. This constant defensive awareness is not part of my daily life and thus provided a weak point through which I was attacked. Going out as transgendered individuals is fun and wonderful, but we all need to look out for the dangers around us and be careful out there.
As we walked through the reptile habitat, we stopped to admire the colors of the Amazon Pit Viper. Its beautiful shimmering green and yellow skin showed no warning of the instant death that resides within its venomous bite. My daughter stared at it for some time, then looking across the hall she studied some Iguanas and asked "Daddy, are there such things as monsters that can hurt us?" "No honey" I said, "Only bad People."
If you would like to find out more abut GHB or Rohypnol, contact the following organizations. The National Women's' Health Information Center 1-800-994-Woman
http://www.4woman.gov/faq ./rohypnol .htm ?src=ng The National Institute on Drug Abuse 1 -888-NIH-NIDA http:/www.nida.nih-gov/NIDAHome1 html
This adventure started over 2 months ago. I knew that I had to travel to Greenville, SC to attend a seminar. This was a business trip. After having met one of our sisters last year, Dyana, from Charlotte, NC at the Detroit 'Be All" (1997) was the catalyst I needed to make this trip 'En Femme". I called Dyana to confirm my trip and make sure that I could meet her and spend some time together. She was very enthusiastic about my trip and offered her place for the time I would be down there. Dyana is a very warm and caring sister and has many friends in the community . She is a member of the Kapa Beta Tn Ess in Charlotte. Next I called my travel agent and made the air fare arrangements. (U.S. Airways). I should have remembered and booked my flight with the name "Paula" but being a creature of habit "George" made it onto the tickets. Oh Well another reason to get my ID.
I called the airline and asked about traveling "En Femme" and was told it was ok as long as my ID was government issued and my picture was as I would be traveling. Well comes the next step to the adventure, the ID. As most of you know from last months newsletter, Jennifer and I secured our ID's. This was easier than we thought. The State of Indiana had no problem issuing the ID's with our "Femme" picture. All we had to do was show up and file the paperwork like for a drivers license. Note: in Indiana the photo ID has to have the same personal identification as your issued drivers license. This proved to be good in a way especially for this trip because my tickets were in "George's" name. Now with all the paperwork in hand I called the airline to double check , sure enough I was given the ok. A big sigh of relief was let out here. Now to the next step.
The big day was closing in as well as the walls of fear. Do I do this or don't I do this? I had to do it to prove to myself that I am ok and that I would be accepted by the majority of society. The day before the "big" day I was nervous as expected I guess. By the way I am sitting here at gate F6 O'Hare writing this. The young lady in front of me has figured out what or who I am, she smiles and looks away after a few minutes. The night before I decided to get my nails done. As usual I wore clothes to "blend" in at the mall. I always go to the same nail shop they are used to me by now. I have been there in both modes of dress, so it was nothing of them to see "Paula" show up. The nail shop was crowded. This was unusual but I had to get my nails done and beside this would be a good test of my fortitude around a crowd I did not know and in close proximity for a period. I spent 1-1/2 hours there most of the time being scrutinized. The silence was finally broken by a woman who made a comment regarding the wait and I responded. Small talk but conversation and I felt better.
I went home and decided on an outfit to wear for the trip. I picked out a white pullover top, black and white skirt (long), black flats and matching jewelry. I tried everything on for inspection by my spouse. She said I should wear my black blazer also. Even though she was not "thrilled" about the adventure she said I looked great.
Well the big day is here! I had packed the night before and double checked, I almost forgot to pack the kitchen sink, but I had everything I needed. I got up at 6 am for my 11 am flight. I live about 50 miles south east of the airport.I got dressed and made up, my spouse checked me out, all ok.
Next was the trip to the bus station. I took the Tn State to O'Hare. This was the best way to go. My wife dropped me off and wished me well or something on that order. My mind was racing a mile a minute. I went in and purchased my ticket , no problem here. When I gave the driver my bags and told him the airline he looked at me a little harder but said nothing. The trip was uneventful and it gave me time to reflect. What am I doing here? !!!!! I tried to relax but all kinds of thoughts raced through my head. What if , I am stopped and not allowed to fly, What if I have to change back to George to fly, What if I go nuts thinking about all this?
Well I arrived at the airport and still intact. I was let off in front of the US Airways skycap check-in, what luck. I summoned a skycap and gave him my bags and tickets , this is from habit, He looked at me and asked for ID, PANIC !, I fumbled through my purse and what seemed like minutes was a few seconds. I handed him my ID he looked at it and at the tickets and said, this is for 'a George". I smiled and asked him to read the profile on the ID. He looked at me and smiled as he said, "I fooled him, and I look great". Now I feel good !. I left him for the terminal. As I entered the terminal there was that panic attack again., look at all those people, and I bet they are all looking at me. Boy am I paranoid ! Well here goes. I walked right up to the security check point and went right through. Now here I am heading for gate F6. I went down the 6 mile long corridor, really about 700 feet. I tried not to look around but I had to. Nobody was paying attention to me. Boy am I upset not really. My heart is pounding my mind is going in a whirl and I need a restroom. Well here I am Gate F6. I find a seat and start reading the newspaper to avoid eye contact. After a few minutes I get the feeling that I am being watched. Ever get that feeling?. As I look up there is a young lady maybe 15 and her mother in the next row of seats. She is watching me trying to figure out what I am all about. As I make eye contact with her, I smile. She smiles back and whispers something in her mothers ear. Her mother glances at me and turns away. Its all over that fast.
They just called to board our flight, I decide to wait till last. As I walk up to the agent to turn in my pass I ask myself, will they check the name and look at me ? Will they call me out and make me show ID again ? I need a stiff drink. I am sure many of you reading this have flown before and this is a 'Been there, done that" situation. There is a point to all of this, for me personally and to the many reading this. I will share it with you at the end. I have only been out for 3 years and am still trying to perfect 'that look". I try to 'blend" with the mainstream when at all possible. I found it very important that you girls don't want to over dress or use more makeup than necessary. If you travel or spend time in the mainstream public as I am doing, you need to create a blending look. I found this to be very important. Most of the public is willing to 'forgive" if you at least make a good attempt to 'be one of the girls". Don't do anything that will attract attention!
I am on the plane and foot traffic is stopped. I am one row away from my seat. I want to sit down so bad. I am stopped right along side of a young couple and their infant. The young lady, at this close range, 'reads me". She immediately tells her husband, its very obvious. He just stares at me, the whole time. I would love to be able to say something to them but remembering one of my rules 'Don't initiate conversation with strangers unless spoken to first". Its getting hot in here, maybe my makeup is melting. Finally my seat, a window. Just relax and cool off that's the ticket. I look at my pass to make sure I am in the right seat, don't need a hassle here. Seat 1 OA, OK. I chose the window seat this time in order to avoid the contact that comes with being in the aisle. This is a 3 seat wide row. A gentleman sits down in the aisle seat. I have my purse and valise in the middle . The attendant comes on and says this is to be a full flight. Oh boy a person sitting next to me, panic. I am getting paranoid, why am I doing this to myself ? People keep coming, from where I don't know, but it seems endless, or so I think. Now the attendants are going row to row checking for empty seats, the one next to me is still empty, I continue to pray. All at once the air condition system kicks in and it feels good. The pilot comes on and announces that we are ready to depart. Wow an empty seat, somebody up there is looking out for me. The stress is taking its toll . My back aches and neck is stiff, I have to relax. The pilot comes on and tells us it will be 1-1/2 hours to Charlotte and we will cruise at 33,000 feet. As I sit here writing this my hand is shaking, I can't even read my own writing. I am convinced that the flight attendant is going to announce that the passenger in 10A is a cross- dresser and we all should be kind to her/him. Boy am I paranoid! I could swear that I have been on this plane for 3 hours but my watch lies to me and say's its only been 15 minutes.
We are now in flight and I am starting to relax, Do I go to the restroom or not? Can I make it to Charlotte ? Sure. The flight attendant announces that they are going to bring around a drink and snack. As the attendant approaches my row he ask what I want to drink , water is my answer. He smiles at me, this is somewhat assuring. The next attendant brings the snack. This is a large sandwich. I proceded to cut it up in small bite size pieces, like a lady should.
I am here among 140 other passengers. If they make that announcement as I mentioned earlier, can they throw me off the plane? Do they have an ejection chute? Am I stir crazy? The pilot comes on and tells us we will be landing in a few minutes, the best news to date. The plane makes a flawless landing and now panic sets in again, but why? What did I do? As I leave the plane I feel as if everyone is following me, they are, to the baggage claim area. Look at all the people. Where do I get my bags. Are all the guy's down here 'Good ol' Boys" Will I get out of here alive? I have got to stop thinking like this. Where is the restroom, now!
I decided to look outside for Dyana she said she would be there. I went outside and immediately saw her, What relief!!!!!! We hugged and spoke , several pictures to capture the moment were in order. Dyana asked a passerby to take our picture, he smiled an complied. I got my baggage and put it in
her car and off we went. I asked her to find the nearest lounge to have a nice drink and relax. She knew just the place. Now I had to use the restroom. Relief !!!! I am on ground and around someone I know. I did not use the restroom on the plane because I would have had to walk past 100 people. You know how it is on a plane being cooped up what is there to do but look at other people who move in any way. I did not want to be the talk of the plane. I already had enough for one day.This trip was not as bad as I feared, stressful , but not bad. I was now contemplating if I should fly back to Chicago en femme", I have 6 days to think about it. Do I do it or not? That is the question. Stay tuned for the result later in this story.
I spent the next several days with Dyana and Michelle, who came up from Greenville SC. We had a fantastic time. Dyana's cooking was superb. She has a great house and fantastic attitude. To know her is a pleasure. I am sure all the sisters from Charlotte are aware of this. The weather cooperated nicely and allowed us to roam the area around her house. The trees and flowering shrubs are at their very finest. I was able to take some very nice pictures. Sunday Michelle drove me to my hotel in Greenville where my conference was being held. It was tough getting back into the routine of George but I did it. Michelle and I met several times during the week to go shopping or out to eat. It was nice to have someone to relate to while away from home. The nice thing about being transgendered you can meet many nice TG people out there. We all share the same common desires and can relate to our experiences. Both Dyana and Michelle are out in public not full time but enough to have the confidence to carry themselves wherever they go. I learned some interesting facts while down there. The one observation that I did get was that a lot of people from South Carolina are not warm and fuzzy, they are cold. Not only to transgendered but to the everyday folk also. This was very evident during my stay. Every time I was treated warmly, I asked where that person was from and the response was from some far away state. Michelle is not from SC, that explains her ware caring attitude.
My conference ended Wednesday morning. Michelle met me at the hotel and we traveled back to Charlotte to Dyana's house. I could not wait to transform back to Paula. This would be the last evening we would be together. I changed into several different outfits until I found the right one for the evening. I did manage to have pictures taken of each one before changing. After dinner we sat around and watched "Ellen's" comedy, "coming out". It was a great night. Dyana did tell me she was coming to the "Be All" in June. I would get a chance to meet with her again. Michelle was not sure. She is managing to keep herself busy with various personal affairs. Well its time to retire for the night for tomorrow is the 2nd big day, or is it ? As I mentioned earlier, here are some of the reasons that I chose to make this trip the way I did. I am a crossdresser, tried and true. I enjoy who I am and have no difficulties with it. I do not have the desire to go any further and full time is not in the cards. I believe anyone who wants to do something can. The motivation is positive thinking. I positively think I can do this at anytime and I don't feel I am offending anybody. The right attitude and mind set is all that's required. I have spent many hours perfecting the look I project and continue to improve on it each time I go out. I watch the "genetic" woman and emulate her as best as I can. I find it important to develop the "blend" attitude. Even though I like the short skirts and "cool" fashions, I find the everyday woman is not into that. If I chose to go on this trip dressed as I would like, I am sure many more people would give me that second look, only to be attracted by the statement I was wearing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy getting dressed up as I would go out for a Saturday evening social, but you don't see women dressed that way everyday. As with a lot of our sisters I don't use a lot of makeup. I don't want to attract attention. Many girls wonder why they are "read" when they go out. I found out my self this way. Get dressed up and look into the mirror, see that beautiful woman? Now take a picture of yourself, if you have a Polaroid, and take another look. You will see a difference. Try a video, put on a fashion show for your spouse or yourself. Look into the mirror each time. Take a good look, Beautiful aren't you ? Now look at the video, wow, who is that person? When we look into the mirror we see what we want to. The still or video pictures don't lie as our eye's deceive us. I found out, It's not easy to be a woman, or look like a woman. I can appreciate what my spouse goes through. Remember your etiquette, watch what you say and how you say or express it. Your walk, talk, & mannerisms all play an important part of what you make yourself. Your body is an accessory rack, it's how you make the package come together that counts.
Well here it is Thursday morning, guess what? I decided to go back to Chicago "en femme". Ok I learned a few things on the trip down here. Most woman don't wear dresses or skirts. So I decided to wear my beige slacks with a tangerine pull over and cream sandals. I had matching jewelry and a blazer. I decided to wear my business" style glasses to make my face smaller. I looked into the mirror and looked stunning! Now I took a picture to come back to reality. I made few adjustments. Ready to go. We all had breakfast and I said my good by's to Dyana. Michelle drove me to the airport and dropped me off I bid her good by and headed into the crowd. Well here I am again, what did I learn from the trip down? Nothing I am panic stricken again. Well when in Rome do as the Romans do. Get on with it. I did my usual ticket and check in It was easier this time though, I am a pro now, Ha. I had to wait for over an hour this time, but I did not have the uneasy feeling as before. I am boarding the plane and got to my seat. This time it is a 2 seat row. And there is a gentleman next to me. During the flight I get my drink and snack and talk to the attendants several times. The person doesn't even flinch. The flight was great. As we landed at O'Hare the person next to me starts staring at me. This goes on for about 3 minutes. As the plane stops he gets up and keeps looking, I would have loved to say something, but rule 1 kicks in. I deplane and go my way to the baggage area I do have to mention that while waiting for my luggage a couple spotted me and started to giggle. As they looked at me the third time, I smiled and waved. That stopped that,they ignored me the rest of the time. Now to the bus loading area, I do need that restroom now. I look around and not many people there. I checked inside and all clear. The long wait for bus trip back to the lot to my car was uneventful and after all the above boring. On the bus trip home the driver and another bus company employee started to talk about Dennis Rodman and how he was able to cross dress and nobody cared. I was sitting behind the driver. I don't know if he read me to it was a chance encounter conversation. Neither one of them ever looked at me. Well I am home and I changed into something more comfort- able like my short denim skirt and soft blouse. I feel great !!!!!!!
I made this trip to prove to myself and not anyone else, that you can do anything you want given the opportunity and positive attitude. I have to thank my spouse Sandi for her courage to put up with me and Paula. With her cooperation and tolerance of me we have grown together, I believe, into a stronger bond. She still does not understand why I cross dress and as a matter of fact neither do I. We have common ground set of rules that seem to work. Paula can be Paula as long as she still has George to spend time with. That is necessary in a good relationship. Don't get me wrong, there have been some trying times but we have come through them. I have been able to read her signals when Paula is not wanted. I can understand some of the fears spouses can have. What is important is a good communication and understanding. Do not hide anything from her, that will only make her fears worse. We have the luxury of our children grown and living out of state. So being by ourselves has some advantages. It can still be tough at times though. A lot of what I have done has been with her help. She is not an advocate of Transgenderism but tolerates it. I have to know when to say when. This trip did press her a little but she knows I love her and that won't change. Without her support I would not have made it this far, possibly still in the closet.
Well thats the story of Paula's Great Adventure" Anyone wanting to discuss various aspects can contact me at paulageorge141@aol.com. I would like to thank US Airways and their employees for the courtesy and professionalism shown me on both phases of my trip. Also to Dyana and Michelle for their time and hospitality. The Bus trip was also enjoyable and provided by Tn State Coach line.
Would I do it again? You bet in a heart beat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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