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A Night at BB’s

by Lisa

It was Saturday, January 26^th, the night of the St. Louis Gender Foundation outing to Grand Wig and BB’s Jazz, Blues, and Soups. I made two mistakes that night.

The first was when I walked out of my bedroom and right into one of my stepdaughter’s friends. I live with my wife and her two daughters, who are attending a local college. The three of them know about the “Lisa” part of my life, and have seen me dressed many times. It has never been something we have wanted to share with their friends however. I had just finished getting dressed, and was wearing a silver-sequined halter top, black vinyl miniskirt, and black boots. I had not heard anyone else in the house, so when I stepped out into the hallway, I was perhaps just as surprised as he was. I just turned around and went back into my bedroom. I offered to go out to speak with him, but my wife would rather they try some damage control by just explaining it away as some other (female) friend of the family, or just pretending it didn’t happen. It turned out that he recognized me right away (that was a little disappointing) but I understand he was very cool about it. His major (unfounded) concern was that he might not be welcome back to the house and hang out again. So, that “mistake” worked out OK.

The second mistake came later in the evening. It was sitting across from our pretty and persistent President (Sharon, not George W) at dinner, who asked me to write this article. So, let me get on the main purpose here, which is to describe this very enjoyable evening out with the girls!

My earlier incident resulted in my being very late for the Grand Wig portion of the evening. There were a half a dozen or so girls from the Foundation that I recognized. I always enjoy going to Grand Wig. The people there are unfailingly friendly. Picking out a good wig is hard to do, but they are willing to help find one that is suitable and provide some styling tips as well. It is much better to do this while you are dressed. Try on a wig as your boyself, and you invariably look like a rock star or hippie. You can only really tell if you like a wig if you already have on the dress and make-up. I noticed that the last time I was there they were also careful take off your current wig and put on another in such a way as to keep your head covered at all times. (Wig-caps are required) A very sensitive way to handle girls like us, who may have graying or balding areas that clash with the rest of our outfits! They also have an extensive selection of costume jewelry. I particularly go for the big dangly earrings!

I left Grand Wig for BB’s about 6:45, I think.

Whoever selected BB’s, kudos! If you love the blues, and have ever been to BB’s, you know what I mean. It looks and feels just like a funky little blues club should. They get in some great bands, and the atmosphere is just gritty enough to lend an authentic ring to the music, and be comfortable for the mostly yuppie audience at the same time.

I don’t know about you, but I always feel a little uneasy about going into a “straight” place while dressed. This evening I was fortunate enough to be escorted by Charlie, which reduced my anxiety greatly! There were four of the girls already seated at our table, three more on the way, the band on stage was pumping out some phat blues riffs, I had a drink in my hand, the waitstaff was friendly….life was good. And it continued to be good all evening. Food was excellent, music great, company and conversation very congenial. The rest of the girls looked great, and I think everyone felt as relaxed and comfortable as I was. My only complaint, “why don’t I do this more often?”

This was the night before the NFC playoff game, and there was word that the owner of the Eagles would arrive after 11. Although we would have loved to give him a big ol’ St. Louis welcome, (“jeez, if the women in this town are all this big, I think we are going to be in trouble when we play the Rams tomorrow!”) none of us waited around for that, having scattered to a variety of other clubs. Some went to Blake’s, and Charlie and I went to Magnolias .

Let’s do it again, soon, OK?

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A Heart Warming Story - The Sequel

By Bebe

Last issue was not the end of the story... I was just suffering from writers cramp. We’re ready to start part II of this heart warming story, so grab your favorite drink, cozy up in your favorite spot and let the words take you to another time and place.

A quick recap... S. now had a name for his femme side, “Shalon”. Shalon had many new clothes and her wardrobe is still expanding. He is able to dress as freely as he wishes.

Shalon would visit about every three to four weeks - she seemed content to help with the chores around the house and take in a movie on television. An odd thing about her helping with the chores is it kinda reminded me of June Cleaver in “Leave it to Beaver” because she was definitely overdressed for swinging a mop, pushing a vacuum cleaner, scrubbing a toilet or cooking (the jobs I personally dislike). It was the first time I had any help with those things so I enjoyed a helping hand. Oddly, I wore my old house dress for the chores and cleaned up myself later. My X used to tell me that house chores is women’s work - Hey, maybe thats why he dresses! Later, we would snuggle together on the sofa and take in a movie. Strange though, I do not remember seeing the end of those movies - Hmmmm...

I felt so bad for Shalon because she was confined to the house - never being able to socialize.

Before joining StLGF, Shalon and I would sit outside on the warm evenings after the sunset and I would occasionally take her for a ride, just so she could go somewhere. One Halloween I took Shalon shopping in a store that was a considerable distance from the house (just in case we met someone we knew). I do not think they would know Shalon, but if I were with her... well they might figure it out even on Halloween. Shalon was so nervous that we made it a very short experience for her. She expressed later that it was a wonderful experience even if she was frightened nearly to death!

A few years ago we got a computer and within no time Shalon was in the Internet chat rooms talking with other TG girls. She was so happy to finally have met others that have something in common with her. Shalons excitement just to be on the ‘net made me want more for her. One day Shalon was talking with a friend in New York and the friend told Shalon that she belonged to a support group near her residence. Shalon told me of the conversation and told me that nearly a year ago she found a thing on the Internet called StLGF. It seemed like a perfect opportunity for Shalon so I encouraged her to check into the group and see what was involved in becoming a member. A few key strokes, a few days and before we knew it Shalon was talking with Marci (the StLGF president at the time) and she was well on her way to her first meeting!

When it finally came down to her first meeting, she just couldn’t decide what to wear! Once she had finally chosen her ensemble, we received our flier in the mail, and wouldn’t you know it... the night had a western theme! Well we fussed over the entire Crestwood Mall and finally settled on a beautiful pair of black slacks with a gorgeous rose embroidery on the one leg. We also decided that a nice blouse and vest would give the appropriate look. Not knowing what to expect, I suggested that we get a room at Henry VIII for the night. I really wanted to go to the meeting with Shalon althouth I thought it best if she went by herself. I stayed at the motel with Shalon and while she was preparing for her debut, I told her I was going to look around the motel for a while. My true mission was to scoop out the meeting room! After finding the room, I passed by it a few times before sticking my head in and exclaiming how nice it was decorated! From that short encounter, I remember seeing Sharon fixing bales of straw and Marci & Barb were busy with other decor (and I bet they remember me too). I returned to our room and told Shalon of my adventure. I told her how wonderful it all looked and how nice the few girls I’d seen loo ked. Shalon was pleased that I had spied and still hoped I would join her, but...

Shalon went to her first meeting alone and I went my merry way to eat at the diner within Henry VIII. After dining I wandered around for a while - well of course past the feastivities in the StLGF meeting room. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. I even encountered some of the “girls” in the restroom. It was a late nite for Shalon (as she turns into a pumpkin at midnight), but when she returned to our room, she was so excited! We talked late into the night and I could see the delight in her eyes... well it was worth a million!!! I was so pleased for Shalon, for the first time she did not feel alone or different. She told me just felt at ease and comfortable after the initial few minutes.

S. is not a very social person, he would be content watching TV, listening to the radio or being on the ‘net, whereas Shalon (as I have learned) is MUCH more social than S., so for a wonderful social life I thank StLGF. The beautiful, wonderful people we have met has been a rewarding experience for both of us! The diversity of the people from all over the Midwest (Illinois, Rolla, Poplar Bluff ....) we’ve met is just so fantastic! About all I can say is thank you StLGF for making Shalons life a reality and giving BOTH of us a great social life.

I have talked with so many people since my last writing that it inspired me to write again. I was hoping I would be able to help at least one significant other and maybe I did, but I really wanted to help in person, you know by phone, E-mail, etc. Anyway, my E-mail address is bebecute01@aol.com, please feel free to send comments or ask advice anytime. I would think this would be the last of the Heart Warming Story series, but who knows... A trilogy?!

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By Patti Milfelt

Hi all, Just a short article about being surprised once more on the acceptance of transgender folk by others. Years ago there was a small rural school called Jefferson College. It was of course in Jefferson County Mo. There I attended and received my associates degree many moons ago.

I recently decided to return to school and was required to get my official transcript transferred and matriculated at the University of Phoenix. After registering, and signing a request for transcript, I waited patiently. A few days later there was a curious phone call from Jefferson College leaving a message on my voicemail stating the signature they had was his mothers and they needed his (the student’s) signature before releasing the official document. I smiled largely knowing this was another opportunity for one of us to educate the society at large. What better opportunity than at an educational facility!

I ventured out to the rural county and walked into the student center and was a little surprised at the activity. It was still registration time for the students. They were so young, or was I old? When it was my turn, I asked the girl behind the counter for a copy of my transcript. She said I needed to fill out a request, so I did. Then mentioned that there had already been a request and she thought she recognized the name. Then came the focused look at the computer screen as she saw the name was not the same. I immediately showed her my drivers’ license and social card, and informed her the name has changed. Without hesitation she said she’d be right back and left.

Upon her return she informed me I would need to speak with someone else. That was the registrar, Lynnae. She was so accommodating I felt compelled to let everyone know how nice she was. Her professionalism and courtesy were outstanding. She made copies of my drivers’ license and social card and said she would give me a copy of my transcript on the spot. Then she gave me the only discouraging news; it would not have the correct name until she had a copy of the court order on file. I asked if I could scan and e-mail it to her. Not a problem according to her. Then she apologized for taking so long because I was the first person like this she had encountered there. I was surprised because she was not giving any indication it was anything but business as usual the entire time. This was actually about 10 or 15 minutes of her time. I left and immediately did the aforementioned and she sent me a copy and a copy to the University of Phoenix in a very timely manor. Thanks to Lynnae my confidence in society’s ability to accept change has been boosted even higher.

The message here is not feel intimidated or meek about going on with your life after a name/gender change. There are many people who do not judge us. We should, of course, be respectful and understanding of others ourselves if we expect to be treated well in society. The same is true if you are transgender or not, treat others as you wish to be treated. There was a lady at Fall Harvest in 1995 that pulled me to the side and said, “You should walk with your chin up. There is no need to feel shame. Be proud of who you are.” I do not remember who she was only what she said. Pass it on…

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