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The St. Louis Gender FoundationGazetteGazette January-February 2002. |
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The StLGF is a non-profit, non-sexual, social and educational organization open to all adults who believe in freedom of gender expression. Although our members are primarily male-to female crossdressers and male-to-female transsexuals; all members of the transgendered community, as well as supportive family members and interested professionals.
"The Gazette" is published bi-monthly in January, March, May, July, September, and November. The deadline for submissions is the 15th of the month prior to publication. For information please use our voice mail number (314) 607-4163.
All submissions become the property of StLGF, and should be accompanied by a release-to-print statement. Letters, articles, and/or pictures that include nudity, profanity, or obscenities will not be published.
We also reserve the right not to publish any other materials that we consider inappropriate. All issues are copyrighted. However, any nonprofit organization or publication may reprint articles or other information from this publication, provided they allow the free use of their materials by other non-profit organizations.
If you have any questions please write:
StLGF,
PO Box, St. Louis, MO 63117,
or call us at
<!-- -->-->Email the StLGF: stlgftg@netscape.net
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!!
Another holiday season has come to a close. All the Christmas presents have been opened and enjoyed or returned for the right size or color and some just stashed away to be given to some unsuspecting relative nest Christmas. The New Years parties are all settled down; hangovers are nursed and we prepare ourselves for our new year of 2002.
Anyone made any new years resolutions? Time is up. Anyone broken any yet? If you have, don't feel bad. That is why there is a tomorrow… a chance to start over again and again and again.
Many of us will be asking ourselves “what is the new year going to bring… prosperity or famine; happiness or despair?” Personally my belief is the only thing the new year will bring is 365 days of new hope. The dreams; wishes and struggles for a good life is up to us to make happen.
I do request this of each member and friend. Please don't just ask yourself what will 2002 bring for StLGF but instead what can I bring to StLGF for the new year? Ladies and Gentlemen we must never stop growing and moving forward. Our family (StLGF) has gone through some changes over the years and will continue. Lets “hang in there” and contribute to the good changes. Problems will always come to “shoot at us” but remember it is hard to hit a moving target. Lets keep moving forward and leave the past behind. Take care, Ms. Sharon Love, President, StLGF
Hope you all had a safe holiday season. Lots of stuff planned for March, thank you Mr. Val! Now it is time for me to get on my soap box. I really wish I could say the revolving door has stopped. Well the truth is it hasn't and probably will not. StLGF offers a lot to a variety of diverse people, and always will. I have come to realize the revolving door of members coming and going is not the worst thing that could happen. This is a door and organization that allows people back with pen arms and realizes we cannot be everything for everyone. Please remember we want you so others will have your input and maybe someone to connect with when they join for the first time, as you did.
Great news! As you read this the library is expecting to have a site available for the members to view the materials away from the monthly membership meetings. This will even allow the members who may not be able to attend the meeting to return the overdue materials on a more timely basis. But, the real plus is that those who are members and do not attend meetings will also have the use of the library materials! I'm so excited! There is a new assistant librarian, Rhonda, who is helping make this possible by donating time and energy in a positive way. Thank you Rhonda.
There will be a computer available so you can write articles for the Gazette right there and not worry about someone at home and or work seeing them. There are hundreds of old newsletters from other organizations around the Midwest and all over the USA. You will be able to browse through items with more privacy than before. It will be located in a very friendly neighborhood close to Tower Grove Park. Here is hoping someone would donate an old television (black and white is ok) and/or VCR so the video tapes may also be viewed there. Rhonda (thank you) is helping scan as many old Gazettes as we can to CD's for viewing on the computer.
Your generosity has grown the library to a size that is not practical or convenient to drag (ahem)to all the meetings. I can only bring a portion of it anymore. A member has volunteered to help me with the computer so it will run properly and help by installing a modem. She has not given me her permission to use her name because I forgot to ask if it was ok! When it is done, we will announce the grand opening! Hopefully at the January meeting.
You probably do not know me, but I am Shalon's significant other (S/O). My name is Betty although I prefer Bebe. I thought I would try and let you know how it is to live with a crossdresser (CD) and have fun in doing so. Guess I need to tell you a little bit about S. and myself first:
We both had been in long relationships with someone else. Have had lived with someone for 18 years and my previous marriage lasted 27 years. My marriage had a lot of tough times but I did get two wonderful children and I now also have two wonderful and beautiful granddaughters. I personally was not really looking for anyone because I thought I was getting too old to really want to remarry. S. was a bit more ambitious about a new relationship – he had even joined a dating club, hoping to find someone that way. It was a big expense which netted no luck and depleted his savings account nearly $1500. Finally, a friend of his introduced us to each other, which by itself could make a long story but that is how S. came into my life.
When he first came down to visit me he had brought me some flowers and that was the first time in my life that anyone had given me flowers (big brownie points). As the visits became more regular and we had done more talking, we began having strong feelings for one another. He even told me he loved me from the first day we men!!! He had given me an open invitation on getting married and when I was ready to marry him I just had to say the work. He knew about my mom and knew that I didn't want to leave her alone. I lived in Illinois at the time and I was taking care of my very ill mother, as she was unable to completely take care of herself. We took turns visiting one another and this was my turn to visit him in St. Louis.
We were in his backyard swimming pool that weekend I had come to visit when he said he had something he needed to tell me… (honesty, something I never got from my X)… First thing I thought, he was going to tell me he was planning on going back to his X. I was prepared to get out of the pool, pack my stuff and head home to Illinois if that had been the case, but, it wasn't… He just said I have to tell you that I am a crossdresser… I kinda looked at him and being relieved that it wasn't about the X but about him being a CD. All I could do was just hug him and let out a sigh of relief. The honesty just overwhelmed me to the point of where I just loved him so much more… He had put himself through hell and back before he could build up enough courage to tell me. I really did not know what a CD person was like when he said it, oh, I had heard about things like that on television and such but never gave much thought of ever having to know one. He tried explaining it to me and had a book he wanted me to read in regards to crossdressing… I found the book very informative and it gave me insight of things I knew nothing about. I wanted to see what he did to prepare himself for this cross over person.
He had an old, old gray rusty van where he kept his belongings because his X just made fun of him when he had this need to dress. Can you imagine going out in cold or hot weather and having to get dressed, even if only for a few hours… cramped up like a dog in a cage… just to fulfill a desire that is overwhelming. So he brings things in that he's had in plastic containers, boxes and bags licked in the van for years. He starts to find something nice to put on to show me what he looks like dressed. I am just in amazement watching him transform himself into a beautiful woman. I am still amazed at seeing others and how beautiful they are. Oddly, it seems I kissed a frog and got my handsome prince but also found a beautiful princess buried deep inside. I have seen such a variety of CD's now that I often say they look more like women that some of the genetic women I have seen. He no longer has to keep his clothes, shoes and other stuff hidden away. In fact he has had to build a closet in the basement for her stuff because we ran out of closet space upstairs.
Since she had mostly old and outdated clothes I reasoned with her on an agreement that she would throw away two pieces of old for every new dress, pants suit etc. that I bought explaining she would eventually have some really nice clothing… I have had such a pleasure buying her clothes and proba bly over-doing the buying that now we are discussing expanding the size of the closet downstairs. Her wardrobe has more than tripled in size since I came into the picture – a woman just doesn't need as much as she has acquired over the past three years, but I just can't pass up a good bargain when I see things I know she would look fantastic wearing.
Getting back to the story… we were able to talk a lot and find out tings about each other in a short time because we both had the summer off from work. We were several weeks short of knowing one another six months when we decided to marry. Some might think that wasn't very long but after spending many hours of just talking we knew that we wanted and finally married September 5, 1998. Our wedding was anything but typical – and before your imaginations run wild – NO there were not two brides and NO, I was not the groom! Perhaps our wedding should be a story for another day. Mom and I talked and she said if I wanted to come back to St. Louis to marry S., I should do it. She told me of how she had wished she would have found someone after my dad passed away nearly 18 years earlier and how lonely it is to be by yourself. So she was pleased when I told her that I was planning on marrying S. She said everyone needs someone as they get older and she didn't think that I should feel that I had an obligation to take care of her or rather watch after her. She was able to do much for herself plus her grandson was also staying with us. Recently, both S. and I cared for her at our house for about a year before she passed away, God bless her soul, September 5th, 2001.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I love him and Shalon, an unconditional love… They have been so wonderful. I consider myself open minded so it was easier for me to accept both and I have never regretted a day together since. Not knowing at the time of how he worries and gets himself so worked up… He must have been a basket case before he was able to tell me about his crossdressing.
When birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries came along, I have two people I buy for… For my wonderful husband and for my very best friend Shalon… At Christmas time we have our own special Christmas… we buy each other very personal things (we have a small tree in the bedroom)and our regular Christmas with the family – kids, grand kids, etc… I've gotten her jewelry dresses, gowns and intimate apparel – I could not wear some of the intimate apparel I've gotten for her but I enjoy seeing her and her delight with them.
She did not even have a name when I was first introduced to her and I told her she had to have a name… we just couldn't say hey you… So I named S., “Shalon”… The name in itself is so beautiful and I thought it just fit her so well… My very best friend in grade school was named Shalon and she was such a beautiful girl, I thought that would be a great name for her… So that is how her name came about… I could not imagine being nameless for so long!!!
No one in the family knows about Shalon and it really isn't anyone's business… (what goes on behind closed doors does not have to be told to others). I can only speak about my experience of living with a CD… It has enhanced our love for one another… she no longer has to keep her clothes all wrinkled up in a van. I feel that I have married three wonderful people… S., Shalon and my Rugrat (S. when he hasn't shaven for about 3 days has attained the name Rugrat). I feel you have t love the whole person not just the parts you like… Not one person on this earth is perfect… God created a variety of people not all the same kind… I would much rather be married to a CD than live with someone that wants to beat the ---- out of me all the time or run around with other women (oh, wait she does run around with other women… well you know what I mean)… I see no harm in being a CD and they didn't ask to be different from the “normal” but they did learn to adapt to their uniqueness. God created the unique gene pool for many different personalities and CD's is only one unique var iation of which we may never know why. Just like we do not know why some children are born crippled or diseased… God created diversity in many ways and we should not judge… He loves all the people in this world.
I know that some S/O's can not understand why their husbands or boyfriends are CD's… but they are… So, why not make the best of it… If some of the women (wives)would just come to some of the meetings they might be amazed at how beautiful these people are… This gives them their time to be with the girls, as some have put it… People just like them… They are not freaks or anything, they are human beings just like we are (beautiful human beings). I have heard in conversations that many of the girls wished their S/O would take enough interest to just buy a pair of nylons or any small thing for them – they would be so thrilled… It's not as if they are asking for a million dollars… just something, even if it only cost a dollar they would love it because they would know that you cared for the whole person. It would be the act that shows you care.
I wanted to write this for the significant others who do not understand and have a difficult time adjusting to being married to a CD. If anyone would like to e-mail me in regards to this or other question they might like to ask me, I would be pleased to try and answer whatever I could – my e-mail address is: Bebecute01@aol.com… If you would rather talk on the phone, or talk in person, please contact me and I would be happy to help. If anyone would like to come to a meeting and see first hand what it is like, please do so, there are always quite a few of us S/O's there and we would be pleased to show you around. Usually I'm there also but working alternate weekends can sometimes spoil the fun. It's a nice social even t where all can mingle and the “girls” can be with others sharing similar interest. I've heard so many stories of how many have tried to deny their interests which only resulted in frustrations, confusion and anger. I've even thought it would be wonderful if the Gazette had a kinda “Dear Abbey” column, maybe a “Dear Bebe”. I am not a Psychiatrist or Psychologist but I'm certain I could help answer many questions and help solve many problems… Hmmm just a thought.
Thomas Kinkade wrote:
It is only by grace that we are here o this planet It is only by grace that we are who we are…
A special note from Shalon…Most of the girls, including myself, (mainly CD girls) I've met since joining have spent years trying to figure out what is wrong with us, why we do the things we do, why we feel the way we feel We went through numerous binges and purges (kinda like a bulimic)with our attire. Most have been to counseling with both psychiatrists and psychologists only to learn that there is no “cure” for what we are experien cing. We had to learn to accept ourselves for what we are. Frequently, there were those who did not receive counseling in time or were unable to accept their own uniqueness. Many turned to alcohol or drugs others became withdrawn. What I'm trying to say is , it took years but we had to learn the lesson that all of who we are is because of what we are. Our personalities, the very reason others fell in love with us includes the person within. It is easy to understand that if it took so many long tortured years for us to accept ourselves, that it would take equally as long for our significant other to accept (much less understand) Our entire personality. This is what makes Bebe so special to me, her ability to accept me, all of me. Please try to accept and understand, after all, Bebe and I both believe it will be very rewarding for both (or all three) of you!!
The timing couldn’t have been more pe rfect. Several weeks before the holiday season got into full swing. The weather was really nice and we all hadn’t drained our bank accounts Christmas shopping. I am referring to the “Holiday En Femme” hosted by the Chi Chapter Tri Ess group in the City of Chicago Illinois November 7th thru 11th 2001.
Yours truly ventured to the windy city to take part in this convention for a full five days. The event was well attended and represented by girls from chapters and visitors spanning many regions of the U.S. OnAustralia. I think that distance beats the young lady that Louis from South America.
The event started Wednesday night with a get together dinner and speaker from “Picture Perfect”. The spea ker gave a pictorial history display of the city of Chicago. Very well put together. After dinner I made a few intros to some of the ladies and then off to bed to rest up for a full day ahead.
Well I started my day a little late. Did some shopping at vendors row. Networked with members of other Tri-Ess Chapters and gave tem some insight about StLGF. During the luncheon we had a speaker, Ms. Lacey Leigh, give a great talk about her experience crossdressing and dealing with the public; family and friends. I was so impressed by her talk I purchased two of her books… “Out and About” and “The Emancipated Crossdresser”… one for the library and one for myself. Very good reading for us all.
After the luncheon I got a little brave. I was talking to one of the girls from Florida, a Ms. Donna Wittman, and found out she needed to return her rental vehicle to the Midway Air Port car rental. She needed someone to follow her to the airport and bring her back to the hotel. Since I had my car I volunteered to follow her and bring her back. But I forgot about the “dreaded” toll roads. These little obstacles of life caused me to loose Donna several times and me with a bad sense of direction, almost got lost trying to keep up with her. But the saint of “look out for the poor so le” was guiding me to complete my mission of mercy and make it back safely with Donna and myself to the hotel.
Back to the hotel and a little freshen-up for the evening we attended a live stave lay of “My Fair Lady” at the Drury Inn down the road. This was another “outing” experience because of the 300 plus in attendance at the theater at least 50 were from the “Holiday En Femme” convention. We were received very warmly by the staff and struck up some smiles and conversations from some of the other patrons in attendance. It was an enjoyable “night at the theater”.
Back to class Friday morning. One that really impressed me was “Building a Better Chapter”. It was geared for Tri Ess but I still learned a few tips on helping us out here at StLGF. Some of the chapter leaders were very impressed with our calendar of events. We can thank our Vice-President, Mr. Val for that praise our group received. After a lovely luncheon my good friends from Chicago Tri Ess chapter, Gloria, Breena and I drove into downtown Chicago to visit the Rikki Swinn Institute. Ladies and Gentlemen when any of you make it to Chicago, PLEASE pay them a visit.
Ms. Swinn has taken a 4th floor loft and done extensive reconstruction to turn this into a beautiful resource library for the Transgender Community. Books, periodicals, videotapes with video viewing room, meeting room and a helpful and knowable staff to assist you. We missed Ms.Swinn because of heavy traffic on the highway(s) but I did meet with Mr. Marco Femandez, the Vice-President of the Institute. He gave us a tour of the facilities. I was very impressed. Upon completion of the tour, we said our good byes and headed back to the car.
Funny thing about Chicago… It IS the windy city! The car was roughly a block away and the wind started blowing very briskly and as we were walking against the wind we were all holding down our hair… aka wigs. It was that or chase them down Ontario Street.
As evening rolled around we attended a sit-down dinner show. It showcased some of Chi Chapters live musical talent. A perfect meal and good company. After the show some of us got curious about a dance going on at the other side of the hotel. It was a singles dance. Well I am single… why not check it out. As I made my way to the dance more girls joined me. At first it was a cold reception from the “singles” but as the music started and more of us showed up, within 30 minutes WE dominated the dance floor! At least 12 or more of us formed a chorus line and picture this… genetic and non-genetic girls arm in arm doing our impersonation of the Radio City Rockettes. We all had a blast! Even the DJ welcomed us girls. After the ice was broken more of the singles started conversations with us and some of the local girls were even asked to join their singles club. It was sooo good to see people no matter what gender identity enjoying each others' company.
The next day I got a late start on Saturdays activities so that meant, once again, shopping at vendors row and later attending a “Fantasy Fashion Show” luncheon. T his was hosted by Ms. Olivia Connors, President of the Chicago Gender Society. After the luncheon I got to meet Ms. Jane E. Fairfax, National Chairperson for Tri Ess. We talked and hopefully formed a good exchange of knowledge about our two organizations. I have come to find out after talking with many girls at the Holiday En Femme that StLGF has a lot of friends in various groups round the country. We are getting well known and the Fall Harvest 2000 was also instrumental in giving this group a memorable and lasting impression.
Now was the time that all you ladies can identify with… SHOPPING AT THE MALL!! I had a few hours before dinner and it was a beautiful sunny crisp clean fall Saturday afternoon. So I was going to walk from the hotel across the street to the Mall. On the way I ran into two ladies from Minnesota, Christine and Jessica. They told me they were going to drive over and I was welcome to join them. This was Christine's first time shopping and she was nervous. So as we were driving over to the Mall parking lot we found a parking spot and we were at a “point of no return”. We shopped at Norstrum (very friendly) for at least 45 minutes or more. Then ventured out to various other stores. Even popped into Victoria's Secret. This was nice to be “myse lf” and share the time laughing and talking with other girls like myself. And Christine was so excited about her adventure she and Jessica wrote an article for their chapters' newsletter.
Back to the Hotel, once again freshen up and change into evening formal wear for our last event of the convention. During the dinner we were entertained by Chicago's Gay Men's Choir. They were a very talented group. They did a few up beat numbers and some seasonal tunes. And of course they did my favorite holiday song (to the tune of Winter Wonderland) “Walking ‘Round In Women's Underwear”. This tune brought the house down. Then we ended the night with dancing and socializing.
Sunday morning… Ms. Sharon was packed away but still in my heart. In my “drab” mode I joined Christy (one of our long time members I met at the convention) for breakfast. I shocked a few people because they never saw the “boy” side of me. We all exchanged hugs and e -mail addresses as we said our good byes. One very good thing about these conventions is not only do you get to be “En Femme” for several days and learn more about yourself… you also form friendships that you won't forget.
To sum this experience up… I learned that there are many different TG support organizations. Each has something special to offer. This doesn't mean one is necessarily better than the other. Each person has different likes and needs. The important thing is unity. Whether you belong to StLGF or CGS or Tri Ess or whatever we all are working for the same goal… acceptance and understanding in every form. Than you Chi Chapter for hosting a wonderful event and Thank you members of StLGF for our warmth that touched many of the ladies I talked to at this event.
Through all of this, though, I had one driving belief; that no matter how many friends cared for me, or how much joy I found, I would never again love or be loved. After all, finding “The One” is not as easy as the Matrix may have painted it. Add to that my being transsexual, my having lived 23 years on this earth as a boy, and the chances, as Mr. Spock might say, are exactly 86,732,128,978 to one. And I was okay with that… for the most part. I didn't like the thought of being sick alone, going through HRT cryhing fits without someone to hold, never getting to wear a wedding dress for real, never seeing someone look at me longingly from across the room. Perhaps scariest of all, that I would grow old alone. But I reasoned that I would always have my family, y friends, I would never lack love. Yet, still…
And then, the universe, and all conceivable logic got turned on their ears, and had the loose change shaken from their pockets. I met Him. Not just a guy, but a man who matched every hope and dream and desire in my heart. All my secret wishes for love were embodied by a sweet, nervous young man on my doorstep with flowers and a smile. My head is still spinning. He's been there. While I was sick, while I cried with surging emotions, when I laugh at the joy of life and feel the love I never thought possible or plausible, he's there. My Bryan. The man I love, and wh o, inexplicably, loves me!
So here I am. A year into this journey. That first step in my journey of a thousand is long since past, but there are many, many steps left to go. But, then, “The journey is the thing” and who I am
at the end will be shaped by each moment, each experience. But in all the years to come I will never be made so happy or so amazingly, shockingly, jubilantly surprised as I was when I opened the door, and my heart, on October 22, 2001. I love you Bryan! And I will always be your baby.
Oh, and since I waxed romantic so much in this article, I think I may need to up the comedy quotient just a bit. So, a termite walks into a bar, looks around and asks, “So, where's the bar tender?” Ha! I kill me! Er… that's not a suggestion, by the way. Take care everyone!
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