The StLGF is a non-profit, non-sexual, social and educational organization open to all adults who believe in freedom of gender expression. Although our members are primarily male-to female crossdressers and male-to-female transsexuals; all members of the transgendered community, as well as supportive family members and interested professionals.

"The Gazette" is published bi-monthly in January, March, May, July, September, and November. The deadline for submissions is the 15th of the month prior to publication. For information please use our voice mail number (314) 607-4163.

All submissions become the property of StLGF, and should be accompanied by a release-to-print statement. Letters, articles, and/or pictures that include nudity, profanity, or obscenities will not be published.

We also reserve the right not to publish any other materials that we consider inappropriate. All issues are copyrighted. However, any nonprofit organization or publication may reprint articles or other information from this publication, provided they allow the free use of their materials by other non-profit organizations.

If you have any questions please write:
StLGF,
PO Box, St. Louis, MO 63117,
or call us at
-->Email the StLGF: stlgftg@netscape.net
Web Sites:
http://members.aol.com/stlgf1/

Email the Editor: Christy Kay: Christy Kay

The Presidents Column

by Christy Kay

Yes, I do know the answer to the question that has been put to me many times since I was elected President. Yes, I do know what many of our previous President's have in common. No, I have no announcements pending. I am not saving my money for anything special (OK, maybe a new motorcycle) I have no airplane tickets, no reservations in the Great Northwest. I squandered many weeks of my life in Wisconsin, been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore it out and threw it away. The Past is not always Prologue to the future.

Carmen and Erika have passed the St. Louis Gender Foundation on to the new Board in excellent shape. I'd like to thank them, and express my appreciation for everything that they have done, and continue to do for us. Thank-you Ladies.

We have completed the plans for the Summer Event. The Lake is not going to be available to us this year. Bobbi Fox has offered the use of her home to us. The date is set for the evening of Saturday, August 15 Directions will be included in the notice we send for the event. It has been transformed from a Picnic to an indoor/outdoor Party. There will be changing rooms available, and also a hot-tub for the more adventurous. It's a semi-rural location with adequate privacy. The Party will start at 7 P.M. Parking, however, is severely limited. Please plan to car pool. I think it's absolutely wonderful that Miss Bobbi is allowing us to share her home for an evening.

The Meeting schedule for 1998-1999 is nearly set, and the events are being planned. Last year, we published our calender. After presenting our calender to the Banquet Center for the availability of the Our Room, we found some conflicts with the Hotel We ended up changing dates after we published the calender, resulting in confusion to many. This year, we will keep that to a minimum by getting commitments for as many dates as possible.

This summer has been a momentous one for several of our members. Randi K. and Melissa V. have both scheduled appointments for SRS. Both should be home by the time I write this column, but I've yet to hear from either.

Due to previous commitment by many of our members, we did not have a very strong showing at the Pridefest or the Pridefest Parade. Bobbie Fox and Cindy (as did other members I'm certain) did visit the Fest, and I heard that Logan marched with the PREP contingent in the parade. Logan, understandably, declined to wear the pink hard hat.

Our long time members might know something that our newer members have not yet realized, The Gazette belongs to all of us at StLGF. I am the current caretaker of the Gazette, nothing more. If you have something, anything (well almost anything) you'd like to tell the members of StLGF, please feel free to submit it to me. I rarely do any heavy editing of what you write, I rarely refuse a submission. So feel free to express yourself. We've had an excellent batch of "My First Time" articles in the recent past. I'd love to see a more, and learn what brought you to us.

Sharon's Big Adventure

by Sharon Love.

For those of you who know Ms Sharon, she has had a few adventures over the yearsÉfood shopping at Schnucks and DierbergsÉpersonal items at Walgreens DrugstoresÉJewelry and hair items at Grand WigÉ a little (very little) gambling on the Casino Queen (where else?)Éearly breakfast at DennysÉlater dinner at Pizza Hut and various other night spots both gay and straight. All of these were during the cover of darkness or in the early morning hours. Well as of the morning of Sunday, May 12, Ms. Sharon, a guest of Jim (not Jamie) and Andrew, went to lunch at the plush Chesire Inn in Clayton.

My First Major Adventure in the Light of Day!

Scared, oh yes!

Did the adventure go well? Oh YES!!!

The morning started with me waking up late and rushing to be at the Edward's household by 10:30. My transformation was so fast Wonder Woman would have been proud of me. Once I got there, Andrew greeted me at the door. I was a little nervous, but I figured I had made it over the first hurdle, getting out of my apartment, around the building, to the car and only being 2 minutes late.

As I waited in their dining room, Jim came into the room and now I'm a little puzzled. "Uh, where's Jamie?" At that point I could see I was the only "girl" going to brunch. Now Jim was dressed very nicely, he had a kind of "Man in Black California laid back look, and Andy had on a summery, casual attire. But I was a little nervous without Jamie there. Being the good friends they are, they both assured me that I would be OK and that I looked fine. Jim even made on minor change to Sharon's look she added sunglasses. Now I looked marvelous!

We then headed for the Chesire Inn. The ride did not seem anywhere long enough. When we entered the Inn (for the first time) I started calming down and feeling at ease. No one staredÉno one pointedÉeveryone one smiles and greeted us so friendly. Sharon was treated just like any of the other ladies there. Sharon loves to eat, but "being the lady" I was that day, I did watch what I ate. Honestly, I was a little too nervous to sample everything. We shared a laugh filled conversation, enjoyed a beautiful brunch with Champagne and the wonderful sounds of a pianist playing relaxing tunes during the meal. It was great.

After the brunch, we took a short walking tour through the Inn's bar area. There, Jim took some photos of Sharon as proof of her big adventures into "High Society."

But it's not over yet. After leaving the Inn, I mentioned that I had the day to myself (which is extremely rare) and that I was going to do some antique shopping in Alton IL. Jim suggested before I go to Alton, we should go to an antique mall not far from the Chesire Inn. My confidence level was high; I was ready to go!

When arrived at the mall, it was really great walking from the car to the store, the sun in my face and the wind in my "store bought" hair. The storeowners were very friendly to us, we spent at least an hour looking and shopping. While we were there, I purchased a pair of rhinestone earrings and a Centennial Railroad button. It was fun, but also it was also time to go. We talked at the Edward's house for a while.

But my adventure was not over yet!

On my way home, I made a stop at one of the Sally's Beauty Supply shops to purchase some mail glue remover. I browsed in the store just as all the other women did, and even held a conversation with the checkout lady about various eye shadows. Now I was finally on Cloud Nine, had a full day behind me, and finished the trip home.

I took me a long time to agree to do something like this, but it's said, "Good things come to those who wait." I wish to my sister (and brothers) all the success and fun what ever your adventures may be. And I'd like to give a big, BIG heart felt hug to Jim and Andrew for helping me experience a little more happiness in my life.

And by the way, the nail glue remover came in very handy; I kind of over did it with the glue, 3 to 4 drops to each nail. It took me at least an hour to remove my beautiful nails. You were right Jamie.

Love and Peace,

Sharon.

Please Don't Ask

By Diane

To begin, please don't ask me why I like to dress this way, as I don't have the slightest clue. This seems to be a common thread among crossdressers the world over. I guess that I should start by telling you that I am a typical man with a family, a handful of truly close friends, and a full time job. I have an immense love of music in its many different forms, as many of my friends can tell you. I play rhythm guitar, have written a song, and can sing a little (no, don't ask). I was born in 1960, and had a fairly normal childhood. Although I had some bad times with schoolmates from about the 6th grade on, I don't think that this had anything to do with my crossdressing. I've always been the quiet, gentle type, and can count the number of true friends still with me from my school days on one hand.

My earliest memories of dressing are from about 11 years of age, about 1971, although I used to have a picture of me from about 3 or 4 years of age wearing one of my mom's wigs at my grandparent's house during a visit. I have many memories of wearing my mother's clothes and lingerie when nobody was around. This was mostly at night while she was at work, and my dad was at bingo. Many times I was nearly caught when an unexpected visitor came by, or worse yet, when one of my brothers happened to come in the front door (we all had keys). I would often have no choice but to run to the bathroom and lock the door and pretend to be doing one of the "normal" deeds one does in there. None of this discouraged me from crossdressing.

After a while I also started to wear my mom's jewelry and wigs, and eventually borrowed a wig permanently once I knew that she never wore them anymore. It was a sad day for me when she cleaned out her dresser and threw most of her undergarments away, although that wig survived up until 1996! My fist time out in public was in 1974 on Halloween. I convinced my mom to let me go out as a girl since it was my last year to trick or treat. She helped me with one of her dresses and some makeup and wig; however no bra to give me breasts. That is the only time that my mom has ever seen me crossdressed (sort of). I have never told her the truth though. A whole new wardrobe became available to me for a short time while I was living with a girlfriend in 1982. I even wore one of her pullover tops to bed one night, but she wasn't entirely thrilled about it and told me to take it back off.

My life truly began to change for the better when I met my future wife in 1991. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and knows it because I am always reminding her! I was still crossdressing in secret at this time, because I didn't know what her reaction might be, and I was HORRIBLY afraid of losing her. This began to change when I came across an Internet link to a transgender support group called the Saint Louis Gender Foundation This was in June 1997, and I attended my first meeting without my wife's knowledge that same month. The person responsible for getting me to come to that first meeting was Christy Kay. At that time, she was the secretary of the Foundation, set up the Foundation's web page and edited the newsletter (she was recently elected president!). She called me one day, and talked me through my nervousness about telling anyone about my crossdressing. I had to end the call after a while because my wife was due home from work in 5 minutes, and I was still dressed at that point!

The night of that first meeting, I walked around the entire building three times out of fear, although I finally went in. I met Melissa, Erica, Marci, Barb, Carmen, Christy (in person), and far too many others to list here.

I was very impressed with the people and the total support for what I still considered at that point to be a sick mental disease. You see, although I enjoyed crossdressing a great deal, I still considered it to be wrong, and truly believed that there was something wrong with ME for doing it. My perspective rapidly changed because not once did I hear anything at the meeting about crossdressers wanting to whip me, keep me in bondage, or anything else (yes girls, I had some very strange ideas). By the way, my tolerance for other people's sexual preferences in the privacy of their own home has also grown by leaps and bounds. If you enjoy it, then who am I to say otherwise? No one twisted my arm, or tried to make me do something I didn't want to do. I didn't even "dress up" until the night was halfway over! I reluctantly left the meeting at the end of the night, and headed home, but I was on cloud nine for days afterward. To learn more, including how I finally told my wife about my "hobby" check the next issue of the Gazette!

Diane

The Continuing Adventures of Marci

by Marcia Lynn Williams

Here it is the hot month of July and quite a bit of our cross dressing activities have been curtailed because of the heat, late sunsets, and vacations with the family. Nevertheless, I'm sure we'll all find ways to sneak in a little time here and there to be femme, even if only for an hour or two.

As most of you know, we had our annual Awards Banquet May 30th. Ms. Babs and I rented a nice room so that we wouldn't have to rush home after the festivities. Also, we were able to help Jamie, Andy, Sharon, and Christy set up the banquet room. Andy did a fabulous job of erecting the main backdrop with it's romantic starlit night view window, Roman columns, plants, portrait chair and such. Preparation is one of those necessary activities that somebody has to do...so we did! As we brought in the necessary props and table decorations, we couldn't help but notice that a large group of street urchins were staying at the same facility. They evidently were from the Windy City and were having some sort of baseball tourney. One thing for sure. They were already causing quite a commotion in the hallways and we knew that the evening might not go as smoothly as one would hope. More about this later.

Dinner that evening included a salad, chicken cordon bleu entree with green beans almondine, potatoes au gratin, and dessert. The theme for the evening was "Evening in Paris". We had French background music and all the tables were decorated with miniature Eiffel Towers. We dined and chatted and laughed joyously. Everything was so sumptuous!

Next, awards were presented. Our new Club President, Christy Kay, was awarded the prestigious Jennifer Richards Outreach award for reaching out into the community and assisting those in need. She has also helped educate the general public regarding TG issues via her internet medium. The various contributors to our bi-monthly Gazette were given Certificates of appreciation. Our loyal group of S/Os were given lovely gifts of appreciation for all the support they provide. I unexpectedly received the Sherry Entmann Service Award for helping where help was needed. (I never expected something like this and am very appreciative of the Club's thoughtfulness) Finally, Jamie was surprised with a very special trophy!! It is the La Grande Dame award. As many of you know. Jamie and Andrew have been club members for quite some time, and Jamie has been our Mother Superior so to speak.

We had two very special guests. First, Dr. Helen Friedmann, our beloved counselor and therapist. She's helped many of our members in their struggles and in their journey in self-acceptance and transgender identity. Thanks, Helen. Second is Sally. We gave her a special gift of thanks for being so kind and loving and accepting. I'll mention her again at the end of this article.

To round out the evening, we had some amateur entertainment. First, Jamie and I did the same routine we had done at our annual Follies back in March. Next, I performed JoDee Messina's "Bye Bye". We had a new member attending in drab, so I took advantage of the situation by camping it up and using both him and our beloved Treasurer, Andrew, as live props! The last performance was a well done version of I'm So Excited which Sharon did with her usual excitement and professionalism. The evening drew to a close and we all said our good-byes with hugs and kisses. Thanks to all of you who could attend. You made the evening so very special.

I mentioned earlier that there were some grade schoolers who were causing some very unnecessary problems out in the hallways. Sadly, some of their parents only added to the already embarrassing scene!?? Ultimately, the night Manager of the establishment had to intervene and threaten to evict the offending group. How sad. I mean, we were actually accused of trying to lure youngsters into our gathering and accused of going around knocking on their parents doors and other such nonsense. Thankfully, the Manager took up our cause and eventually, everything quieted down. This was a good thing because at least one member and at least one S/O were ready to pounce on the unruly parents...the kids were only following the poor example that was set.

I'm going to do a very brief editorial at this point. After having been accused of "traipsing up and down the hallways in front of [not-so-innocent] children," it dawned on me that as paying customers of the banquet establishment, we had every right to "traipse"! Moreover, as citizens of a free country and a free society, we all had every right to express ourselves publicly as long as we didn't intentionally disrupt others' peace. It's certainly a shame that those kids had such a poor example set by supposedly mature adults. Hmmm...I wonder what'll happen when some of the kids finally come to grips with inevitable gender issues and the parents must then deal with the dilemma first hand?

Enough sad news. Two weeks after the banquet, one of our very new members, Robin, got a group of us together for a lovely trip to Alibi's restaurant. Because of the late sunsets, we decided to meet there sort of nine-ish. Christy [in drab] and Diane came by our house and, because of some neighbor teens out front, yours truly had to leave by the back way. Of course, Ms. Babs, Christy and Diane walked right out the front door and into their vehicles. They met me up at the top of the street and we all headed for dinner and a show. Upon arriving and meeting Robin on the parking lot, we went in and had a cocktail out on the very large patio. Then, we retired to our table inside. By then, Sharon had arrived as well as Macy.

We ordered our dinners and enjoyed the lively conversation. We laughed and joked and Ms. Babs spent the better part of dinner teasing our waiter, Antonio! As we were finishing our meals, the female impersonator show began. Alibi's has a very good group of FIs including the very famous Jennifer James. They really are talented and really look the part. They are so friendly and get the audience involved right away. During the show, Cindy [also in drab] showed up and came over to our table for awhile to visit. And, of course, yours truly had another one of her restroom incidents. While Robin, Macy and I were in the "little girls'" room, a GG came in and stood with us waiting for a stall to open. Well, the stalls were empty so we told her. She seemed a little reluctant to go into one especially since she must've read us because she had greeted us with "Hi you guys."?? Anyway, I reassured her that none of us would even think of looking under nor over the stall door. Why, I even peered under the door myself to tell her she'd be perfectly safe!?!

After our party broke up, Sharon and Diane came over to our house for a little while to watch a short videotape called Greater Tuna. This video was especially interesting because the entire cast consisted of only two fellas who did about a dozen characters, most of them female!! And they did each one with a completely different voice. After the tape they left and Ms. Babs and I retired for the night in the afterglow of yet another fun adventure in femmeland.

Our final session for the season was our June 20th Pizza Party. This was a casual affair. The pizza was excellent and all us girls and the couple of guys had fun, fun, fun! I would be remiss if I failed to mention our wonderful stewardess Sally again. She is just like one of us and has served us for many years in the capacity of bartender, security advisor and true sister. Thanks, Dearest, from us all.

Well, I'd better end here. Sure hope you'll all join us for the coming summer picnic!! It should prove to be one of our very best. Oh, one more thing. I now have my own web site. If you have access to the internet just go to:

I'd love to have you visit. Until next adventure...

Marci

Rhonda N' About with Rhonda J

by Rhonda J.

Hi everybody! Would you believe I've made 4 meetings in a row?? (Or was it 3?) Either way it's a PR for me. (That's a Personal Record for you ":non -jocks") Been busy, busy, busy!! But still have been making the meetings. Met several new members this spring. Feel I have three really neat new friends in Robin, Sharon and Karen. (Ooops, that "neat" word again! It always gives away my vintage. But as I've said before very fine wine must be properly aged!! Right, Jamie???) I know I've met a few others but I'm sometimes terrible with names. (I know nobody else is!!) Renewed some old acquaintances also. I saw Brenda at theMay meeting. She was my first new "sister". At my first meeting she found me wandering the halls, looking lost. (Somethings never change!!) She introduced herself and led me to the changing room. She will always be someone special to me. Taylor (aka No-Name) is back. We met last year, on what was the first night for both of us. She's always lots of fun, but she has some unusual hobbies. (Don't we??) I also met Janet at the last meeting, another fine lady who enjoys sharing her experiences with us. Macy was there in one of her "cool" leather outfits. (It had to be cool!! She sat in front of the air-conditioner most of the evening!!) Though we had a small turnout it was a very enjoyable evening. Everybody roamed the room and it seemed as though there was time to socialize (aka gossip) with everyone.

In some ways it's been a good year and in other ways not a good year. Over the past year or so, since joining the StLGF, I've met and talked to many super people. Some TG's, some GG's and others TG friendly. Like so many of us, I'm still not really accepted on the home front. This makes the warmth and understanding we share with each other so-ooo special!! It seems we always receive more than we give. (Though it may not always seem that way.) The members of our organization know how great it feels when we can help someone find themselves, through understanding and caring. We have all been through some kind of hell at one time or another. And I, for one, want to thank all of you for being so warm, friendly, accepting and understanding since I've become a member of this wonderful organization. A very sincere THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!!!

Just a little more on the serious side then I'll move on to the" lighter side of life". (Or the softer side of Rhonda!!) First I'd like to thank our outgoing officers for a fine job this past year. Without their efforts and hard work we couldn't have had the good times and companionship. I'd also like to congratulate our new officers. I am sure they will follow in the footsteps of their predecessors and provide the type of quality leadership to which we have grown accustomed. Good luck and I offer you my support and know everyone else is behind you also. Secondly, I would like to thank the StLGF for the Certificate of Appreciation I received at the Awards Banquet for my articles and poems. I was totally surprised and almost speechless. (I'm sure you find the speechless part hard to believe but just remember, I said almost!!) Thanks again and I hope I can always be a contributing member of this organization.

Haven't written anything yet this year. Now you'll have to pay!! I'll probably ramble on forever!! (Christy warned me no more than 10 pages or she'd cut me off!!) Seriously though (Yes, I can be serious!!!!) I'd just like to share some of my feelings and some of my "outing" experiences, some good experiences, other's maybe not so good. Nothing in the "class" of leaving the room keys in my room and Rhonda having to get a spare key from the desk clerk who checked BJ (not Rhonda) into the hotel!! Or coming to the meeting partially dressed, a "little" early!! (Only a week!!) Check back in some of your back copies of the Gazette or see me for more details. Both episodes are funny. (Now)

I was in Columbia and had purchased a blouse (on sale, of course) the previous week and found a few stains on it. When I went to return it, I explained to the salesgirl what was wrong and that I just wanted to exchange it. I went and got a new one, came back to the cash register and we talked a little more. As she was processing the exchange she asked me a question. I responded and about in the middle of my answer my voice "cracked" and out came my lovely baritone voice. The clerk quickly looked up at me . I gave her one of those Oh, Well!!! looks. She glanced back and forth between her paperwork and me a few times (barely suppressing her laugh). When she handed me my package she had quite a grin on her face. As I left, I gave her a big smile and (in my finest femme voice) told her , "See you next time, Hon."

Would you believe, the following week (same time, different station) I had a similar experience. ( I was buying that "gorgeous" blouse I wore to the last meeting.) I took the blouse up to the cash register, we exchanged a little chit-chat, then it happened again!! Out came that baritone voice again!! She grinned slightly and I returned her grin with a big smile. As I was leaving she "ran" (almost literally) over to her co-worker, I assume to share her "experience". As they both looked (gawked) at me, I gave them a big smile and waved good-bye!! (What else could I do??)

Some of the neat things (Oops, that word again.) that have happened include two different GG's (That's right, it happened twice!!) commented on my nails. The first was a young clerk at K-mart who said, "Your nails really look nice. Did you just have them done?" As I blushed, (very coyly) I thanked her and told her that I had them done a few days ago. Then a few weeks later my waitress (looking for a big tip??) told me that she just loved my nails. Again (with a coy blush) I told her , "Thank you, how sweet of you to say so." (By the way, she did get a good tip, but was a very good waitress.) Wow!! Talk about two "highs". ( Luv it! Luv it!! Luv it !!)

One more goodie before I "sign off". As I was walking through Famous,(wearing that same "gorgeous" blouse) a salesgirl commented that she really liked my shirt. (I prefer blouse, seems more feminine but I shouldn't knock a compliment.) In my finest femme voice, I said "Thank you, Thank you very much. You just made an old woman's day!!" My feet never touched the ground the rest of the evening!!! The "moral of the story is, if someone looks nice tell them. It could make their day!!

Well, I guess I'll sign off now. I've rambled on long enough. (See Christy less than two pages!!) (By the way doesn't her hair look great?) I have another "story" I'll hold till next time. (It's about plans for next years' Follies.) Also will have another poem or two to share. Here's wishing everybody has a great summer. (Don't you just love wearing wigs in the summer!!) A few of us are planning to get together a time or two over the summer. As for the rest of you, I'm looking forward to seeing you in September.

Bye for now,

Rhonda J.

WHY?

by Carmen M.

Why do I dress as a woman? Why do I feel comfortable? Why do I feel happy? Why do I feel peaceful? Why do my worries go away? Why is my need so strong?

Why do I have to work so hard to be a woman? Why is my beard so hard to hide? Why are my hips so thin? Why is my voice so low? Why is my inflection wrong?

Why can't I talk like a woman? Why can't I walk like a woman? Why don't I stand like a woman? Why are my gestures different?

Why can't I let my hair grow? Why not a feminine style? Why not a new color? Why not pluck my eyebrows? Why keep my nails short? Why not get my ears pierced? Why hide my polished nails? Why hide my shaven legs? Why is the woman in the mirror so real?

Why can't I talk to women as they talk to one another? Why can't I care like a woman? Why do I try to hold back my tears? Why do people expect me to act like a man?

Why can't society accept me? Why do others feel threatened? Why do I fear family and friends will reject me? Why don't others understand? Why is this all so difficult? Why is this all so confusing? I don't know.

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