The StLGF is a non-profit, non-sexual, social and educational organization open to all adults who believe in freedom of gender expression. Although our members are primarily male-to female crossdressers and male-to-female transsexuals; all members of the transgendered community, as well as supportive family members and interested professionals.

"The Gazette" is published bi-monthly in January, March, May, July, September, and November. The deadline for submissions is the 15th of the month prior to publication. For information please use our voice mail number (314) 607-4163.

All submissions become the property of StLGF, and should be accompanied by a release-to-print statement. Letters, articles, and/or pictures that include nudity, profanity, or obscenities will not be published.

We also reserve the right not to publish any other materials that we consider inappropriate. All issues are copyrighted. However, any nonprofit organization or publication may reprint articles or other information from this publication, provided they allow the free use of their materials by other non-profit organizations.

If you have any questions please write:
StLGF,
PO Box, St. Louis, MO 63117,
or call us at
(314) 607-4163
Email the StLGF: stlgftg@netscape.net
Web Sites:
http://members.aol.com/stlgf1/

Email the Editor: Christy Kay: Christy Kay

The Presidents Column

by Carman M.

Happy New Year... I want to wish all our members and their families a very happy New Year. I hope 1998 will be a year filled with love, understanding, and friendship for all of us. I am sure it will be if we all remain considerate of the thoughts and feelings of our loved ones.

A Great Holiday Party... I hope everyone had fun at our Holiday Party. Forty people attended the Holiday Party, which is super considering all the other parties which must have been taking place on that same night. Who could have believed that Santa Claus would choose to attend our party over all the other parties taking place worldwide! I wonder what types of gifts our members asked Santa for? I can only imagine... Santa helped us raise approximately $75.00 for Doorways. Our members also brought many canned goods for the Doorways charity. Thank you Santa and members for your generosity.

Red Dresses... A friend of mine attended our Holiday Party for the first time. I told her to look for me. I'd be the one wearing the red dress. Was that a mistake! Someone please remind me. Next year I’m wearing blue!

January Meeting... Our special guest for the StLGF meeting on January 17th will be Dr. Helen Friedmann. Dr. Friedmann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist who works with many transgen-dered people and their families. She understands the many issues and concerns affecting us and our families. Please join me in welcoming Dr. Friedmann to our January meeting.

Did You Know?... We all are very fortunate to have Sharon, Christy, and Andrew (and Carmen ) as StLGF Board members. They all put a lot of work into making certain that everything runs smoothly . Jamie has also contributing immensely by active attending every StLGF Board meeting, and contributing her vast experience. Our organization runs smoothly as a result of their efforts. I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank them for their support and friendship. We really have a super team.

The Continuing Adventures of Marci

By Marcia Lynn Williams

Good wishes for a wonderful 1998 to all of you, my dear friends! So much has happened since my last installment, what with the October Costume Party, my personal Halloween adventure, the November session, and our joyous Christmas Party!! So much fun and so many wonderful memories...I do hope you all had wonderful Holidays.

I simply must tell you about some repercussions from my Halloween adventure! Anyway, while at my Mother's home on Thanksgiving day, my partner in Halloween "crime" and I put a photo of us "en femme" on the buffet among the desserts. Then we waited for my sisters and sisters-in-law to arrive. One by one they came in and we all hugged and chatted and nibbled while the turkey was roasting in the oven. Eventually, one of my sisters walked over to admire the many luscious dessert. Suddenly, she spotted our picture...!??

Before I continue the story and the surprising reaction of my family regarding my Halloween "coming out" in a way they could accept, I just want to say that our St. Louis Gender Foundation is such a fun group of folks and I thank everyone for making my first year with you all so absolutely wonderful!! Although I've had some help from others such as JoAnn Roberts of Creative Design Services [tm] and a few private individuals on the Internet, it is all of you who've given me so much encouragement and have helped me learn so much about myself and the entire transgendered community. Mostly, you've taught me how to be accepting of others. And, you've accepted me...

Just thinking back over this past year, I've done so much and have made strides in developing my femininity that I never dreamed possible. For instance, I've learned makeup techniques that most genetic females don't even know. In fact, I received the highest of compliments from a woman who tried my techniques and told me how excited she was to receive compliment after compliment on how terrific she looked! She's been putting on makeup for thirty years, yet close friends had to take a second look?? Some didn't even recognize her at first!?? Thanks Ms. L. Hey, Ms. President, maybe we could have a session in which a member did a make over on themselves instead of some professional doing it. I think this would give encouragement to most of us. I mean, if a drab dude like me can smear a bunch o' stuff all over his face and come out lookin' femme enough to go out into the real world as a lady, then just about anybody can!! Jim Bridges, eat your heart out.

My taste in clothing is improving. Of course, I have lost some weight and that helps. But I've gotten so much help from so many of you on fashion and sizing and material and body shape. This has helped me to face reality. Some outfits just don't look good on me even though I'd love to wear them. Soooo, I find those things that look great on me and take it to the max! This means experimenting some too. But it mainly means accepting my limitations. See, Clint Eastwood, a girl's gotta know hers too.

Those of you who've heard me speak know that I've learned to sound like a real female. No, I don't mean speak like a woman...this is physically impossible. What I'm talking about is sounding female. Not a falsetto. Not just a softening of the natural male voice. These two techniques just don't work if you have the desire to go out dressed (don't we all?) and not cause consternation for yourself and others when someone asks you a question or you tell the sales person in the lingerie department [using your best truck driver vocal pitch] "Could y'all let me try on one o' them damn frilly thangs?" The best technique I've ever seen is taught by a transsexual named Melanie Ann Phillips. She's on the Internet (http://heartcorps.com/journeys/voice.htm) and has a videotape and audiotape of a method that, properly applied and practiced, can have just about any genetic male sounding female in a relatively short time!! Ya just gotta wanna.

I've learned to behave more femininely. I've learned the basic movements, postures, hand gestures, vocal inflections, phrasing, and even some dance steps so that I don't "lead". This all came about because I started attending the monthly StLGF sessions! At my first meeting I was completely drag and was overjoyed that so many others were like me...transgendered!

My lovely wife has given me much needed support, encouragement and love. She met the members of this club and went from antagonist to friend. They've helped her to understand me and she in turn helps other spouses understand their transgendered mates. Believe it or not, she and I sit on the sofa together with me fully feminine and we hold hands and dream and talk and...uh, did I say talk? Interestingly, whenever I'm dressed en femme, I listen to her much more than when I'm trying to live up to all my dude expectations. BTW, as I write this article, I'm very much girl and she's right here ready to correct my spelling/grammar errors. I love you, Sweetie Babes!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all must become more realistic about who we are, what we do and where we plan to go with it. I know for a fact that a number of you reading this article have never ventured out of your house dressed en femme. Some of you are still ridden with guilt and fear like I was for so many long, long years. Well, there's no need for us to feel bad about who we are nor what we do anymore. StLGF is a SUPPORT group. Unlike those many groups in which members are trying to help one another overcome their particular vice, we assist one another in developing our gender giftedness to its fullest! That's what this club has done for me...and that's what it can do for you...any of you! You are a very valuable, very beautiful person. We'd surely like to get better acquainted with you and hope you feel the same about us.

Well, enough with filler for this short article [she said with a wink toward our Secretary, Ms. Christine Kay]. Back to what happened on Thanksgiving day and the following weekend. My one sister asked my Mom [who was in the know about the Halloween event], "Mom, who are these two ladies? Do we know them?" Another sister and a sister-in-law looked at the photo and just couldn't place these two lovelies. Now, that's passing big time, StLGF Sisters!! My brothers just couldn't believe that these two darlings were their brother and nephew!?? My nieces and nephews were rolling on the floor saying how "cool" we looked!

Over at my mother-in-law's that weekend, my sister-in-law, niece and her boyfriend just couldn't believe it. No way we could look that "girl"! Matter of fact, a transgendered woman friend of ours in another state saw the pictures, heard the voice and had a very difficult time accepting it. But now she laughs about it and also gives me support and encouragement...just like you, the members of this fine, caring, accepting group. I love you girls so much...and you fellas too.

Until next time,

Marci

My Top 10 Memories From the 1997 Fall Harvest

By Jennifer Lane (Lois Lane's transgendered sister)

Yes, it was another lovely convention, this time at Omaha, Nebraska, the week after a nasty snowstorn that knocked down tree branches, cut off electrical power, and filled all the hotels with homeless locals, along with a harvest of crossdressers from several surrounding states. Here, in no particular order, are my top 10 memories from that long weekend, October 30 through November 2, 1997.

10. Hitting the mall immediately (dressed in drab), talking about the Fall fashions, and matching up skirts and tops with the sales girls at The Limited on Thursday. "Yes, that's a classic, but I already have a houndstooth skirt. What would you put with this blue-and-white plaid skirt?" And so on...

9. Playing darts in the penthouse bar at the Doubletree on Friday. Even something as mundane as a game of darts can be a ton of fun when you're wearing something cute. To the girl who was sitting at the table next to the dart board... Sometimes I throw like a girlÑsorry if I scared you!"

8. Trying on a new skirt that was TDF (to die for), but a size smaller than I usually wear, and seeing it zip into place as if it was made for me. Yippie!

7. Running into my old pal Leslie on Friday night. Look out, Omaha! Later, talking about the bundle of thoughts and feelings that come with being a crossdresser, on the Sunday morning before we drive home. See you at the T Party, girlfriend!

6. Taking photos of each other before dinner with the other St. Louis girls. "Don't sit down yet! Just one more shot..."

5. Trading girl-talk with Jamie Edwards after dinner on Saturday night. Thanks for the advice and encouragement, Jamie...

4. Listening to Dr. Randi Ettner speak about the gender world, and then reading her book, Confessions of a Gender Defender. Thank goodness for those who have the courage to stand up in front of a national audience and tell our stories...

3. Taking over the Penthouse bar on Saturday night with all the other Fall Harvesters for one final fling, but instead of dancing, huddling with Stephanie (from Colorado) and Stephanie (from Kansas City) and talking about our lives and what we want to do with them. Good luck, girls. See you soon...

2. (Two days after the Fall Harvest) Showing my Fall Harvest pictures to Angel, the girl who cuts my hair, and finding out that we have the same taste in clothes and both like to shop at the same stores...

1. Wearing another short skirt (of course), sipping a white zinfandel with Leslie at a table next to the sunken dance floor at "the Max" on Thursday night, hypnotized by all the genetic girls swaying and twisting out on the floor, when a gentleman appears at my shoulder and asks me if I would like to dance. (Hmmm. Would I like to to get out on the dance floor and join all the other girls, long hair flowing, legs flashing, beat stomping, boobs bouncing, eyes watching, lights flashing, feeling the rhythm? "Sure. Why not." Meanwhile, that classic old Abba song is running through my head:

You can dance, you can jive,
Having the time of your life,
Oooh, see that girl, watch that scene,
Digging the Dancing Queen.

See you on the dance floor, girls!

RITA'S RAMBUNCTIOUS RAMBLINGS

by Rita Amore

Dear Ones...Here's hoping that all your fantasies have been vibrant over the gender holiday season which, by the way, begins on Halloween and ends with New Year's Day. The Lovely One missed Fall Harvest Halloween weekend in Omaha due to business conflicts, but I heard the Nebraska version of Wigstock (Cornstalk?) was enjoyed by all STLGF attendees. We were not idle, though, while skipping the Fall Harvest festivities. The Lovely One, Miss Coco, Stephanie James and her spouse attended the reincarnated Central West End Halloween blowout. Did we go en costume? Of course we did! Being trannies, we would never miss an opportunity to outrageously express ourselves in public. Our foursome was The Village People in Drag. Policewoman, construction gal, cowgirl, and biker chick were definitely crowd favorites as we camped it up at Maryland Plaza on Euclid. Of the seventy-plus entrants competing for the $1000 first prize, well over half were cross-dressed. The well-behaved onlookers sported a high percentage of crossdressing as well. If Fall Harvest 1998 doesn't conflict with Halloween, I recommend a full-force STLGF extravaganza.

Thanksgiving season at our house is reserved for reflective introspection of our many blessings and good reason to head to WhizBam!, our favorite video rental spot on South Grand. We found "All Dressed Up With Nowhere to Go," a documentary by Cajun Productions capturing the lives of heterosexual trannies who have elected to explore their "hobby" outside the confines of their closets. Notable and recognizable gender community personalities Joann Roberts, Jean Rich and the late, flamboyant millionaire "High Heel Neil" are among those featured. I recommend this film as we give thanks for our own STLGF community blessings.

December's meeting was most memorable. A longtime fantasy of mine, to sit on Santa's lap while dressed to the nines, was finally fulfilled. Since I am bold but not quite brave enough to sashay to the Galleria for Santa pics, I'm so thankful for my fantasy photos provided by STLGF and Jimmy Walker, our Santa. Knowing that the funds raised went to Doorways made it twice the fun.

New Year's Eve was 1997's last chance to have some girl fun. The show at FACES is always spectacular but difficult to attend unless you're a night owl, as it regularly starts at 1:00 a.m. The NYE show is an exception, starting at 11:00 and thus allowing one to celebrate awhile before the makeup fades. Their regular cast has a generous sampling of former Miss Gay Missouri's in the lineup including this year's winner, Alexis Principal, who won her tiara in a stunning show on December 7th at the Sheldon.

WHAT'S UP?...According to a recent Berger Bite, a new venue appealing to our members will soon open. The Alibi, a cabaret restaurant, is taking form in the old Bavarian Inn on Arsenal near Gravois. My sources tell me that Miss Tracy and the James sisters, Candy and Jennifer, will be the headliners.

OBSERVATIONS...More and more crossdressers are being seen downtown, especially at St. Louis Centre. The Lovely One thinks this is good news. To test the observational powers of downtown worker bees and the shopping masses, JoAnn Schultz and I went incognito to St. Louis Centre. We lunched at the St. Louis Room on Famous-Barr's sixth floor. Our hostess seated the fashionably-attired tall faux women smack dab in the middle of the heaviest restaurant traffic pattern. Were we read? Just as two recreational crossdressers testing the sociological phenomenon of crossdressing in downtown St. Louis.

GOODBYE...I didn't get to know her for nearly long enough, but Barbara Lewis could spread a lot of joy in a short period of time. Barbara, aka Tom Whitehorn, was the founder/editor/publisher of the new local drag mag DIVINE, and she died suddenly of AIDS-related kidney failure on December 11th. If you hurry down to WhizBam! you may yet get a remaining copy of the premier issue of DIVINE as a lasting remembrance of Barbara.

END GAME My fave VP, Sharon Love, tells me the club will step up with a number of extracurricular activities in 1998. Time passers like shopping trips, dinners out, plays and such should allow members to venture out beyond the sanctuary of the Meeting Center. The Lovely One would like to propose another event to add to the selection and fulfill another of my St. Louis fantasies. Outdoor crossdressed photo shoots at famous local landmarks would allow some interesting displays on the living room mantel, and doing it on a Sunday morning would minimize public scrutiny of a gaggle of trannies. Anyone interested in photos of yourself at the Arch, Union Station, Forest Park, etc., please express your interest to Sharon or myself.

Until the next time, my Lovelies...
All you dressers, it's not too late
Get out of your closet in '98!

Rita Amore

Finding Husband in her Clothes Changes Everything for Wife

Published in the St. Louis Post Dispatch, Dec. 15, 1997.

Dear Open Mind: I came home about 11 p.m. a few weeks ago to find my husband of 10 years trying to fit his body into some of my clothes, including my lingerie. I was totally repulsed! He didn't even try to hide it. He just said he thought it would be fun to wear some of my things. If I wasn't so upset, this would almost be funny. I'm about as "turned off" as I can get and can't even imagine having sex again with my own husband. Now what?

Finding your husband in your clothes had to be a shock. You are not alone. I have worked with many women in your very situation. Your next step is to have a frank conversation with your husband. Ask him about his crossdressing (e.g., how long he has done this, what it does for him). Then listen as calmly and openly as possible to what he has to say. He himself may not know the reason for his behavior. Sometimes women's clothing is associated with sexual pleasure. For some men, crossdressing is a form of stress relief and/or related to their gender identity.

Society says you are either male or female, but actually gender exists on a continuum. Most crossdressers are heterosexual men who are generally happy being male. However, they may have a feminine component to their identity that demands expression. Research suggests this is largely biological. Many men (and women, too) secretly struggle with their gender identity.

It is a tribute to your relationship that your husband didn't try to hide his behavior. Even if this is a fundamental part of his personality, you have the right to set limits around what is acceptable in your presence. Professional counseling may help to sort out your feelings. Peer support is also available through the St. Louis Gender Foundation. Good luck.

Helen R. Friedman, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist
Private Practice
St. Louis MO
(314) 781-4500

Dr. Helen Friedman is a clinical psychologist in private practice in St. Louis. One of her specialities is gender identity conflict. She works with transgendered individuals and their spouses and families. Dr. Friedman is a member of The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association, a past President of the St. Louis Psychological Association, and currently its Media Chair. She is a radio talk show host, formerly on KDHX and now on KKWK.

Fear and revulsion of the unknown is a common reaction. Similar to our height, color of eyes and hair color, the need to wear the clothes of the other sex appears to be determined either genetically or prenatally. Current psychological practice is to educate the patient to remove the guilt and anxiety they feel about being different. crossdressing is a social taboo, not mental illness.

One instance does not necessarily make your husband a crossdresser. He merely could be curious, or thought it might be fun. Hundreds of men dress as females for Halloween every year.

This is a crossroads in your marriage, though. Your feelings about finding your husband in your clothes, your feelings of revulsion and being sexually "turned off" can damage your marriage. This is the same person you married 10 years ago. His potential crossdressing is not a perversion, but your actions are telling him that you feel differently.

Unfortunately, there are limited places to get information on gender differences in St. Louis. There are several psychotherapists who specialize in these matters, and there is the St. Louis Gender Foundation, a resource and support group for people with gender differences, The St. Louis Gender Foundation can be reached at (314) 607-4163, emailed at stlgftg@netscape.net or mailed to P.O. Box, St. Louis, Mo., 63117.

Christine Kay
St. Louis Gender Foundation

The Saint Louis Gender Foundation (StLGF) is a resource group for crossdressers, transgenderists, transsexuals, androgynous individuals, and those who care about them.

The Mental Health Association of St. Louis, producer of this column, invites you to send mental health questions to: Open Mind, 1905 South Grand Boulevard, St. Louis, Mo. 63104, or call 7731399. Enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope for a personal reply.

SHORTS TAKE

What puts pizzazz in a relationship? Maryann Troiani, Psy.D., and Michael Mercer, Ph.D., authors of Change Your Underwear, Change Your Life, reveal that huge numbers of women cherish wearing their man's clothing Ninety-two percent surveyed borrowed their significant other's sweaters, while 39 percent filched his underpants, which "makes her man feel special," says Mercer. We're waiting for the survey that shows how women feel when they come home to find lover boy wearing a familiar Wonderbra, garter belt, and fishnet stockings.

Psychology Today, Jan-Feb 1997.

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