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Anna writes - the wife of an Irish TV
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Anna Writes
Wife of an Irish Transvestite

Hi, I'm Paula Stone's partner. We're together now over 10 years and married a few years. So I'm just going to tell a little here about his "TV-ism" etc & me.

We were going out with each other for about six months when he said that he has something to tell me. I did get a bit of a fright almost, wondering what it could be. Had he been with someone else, did he have a child, did he have a wife, a criminal record, a dangerous past, all sorts of things went through my head. I can remember how nervous he was - I could feel his heart beating against me. I wondered what could possibly be that bad, and then he told me that he liked to dress in women's clothes. My initial reaction was "Phew, is that all". And then the questions:

This last one was the one that I thought about the most - why did he do it? And why did he say that he didn't know why? I've discovered over time that while he may have ideas about why he does it, he actually really doesn't know. This is something that does seem a little difficult to understand to me - I reckon that I know why I do most of the things I do. I also wondered if he had tried to stop doing it - and the answer was "Yes, many times".

To be honest, the whole thing seemed a little strange to me - I had never met a TV before, and here was my nice normal boyfriend telling me something like this. But he didn't get straight up and slip into a little black number, handled it very well, let me ask all my questions - even the silly ones - and answered them all openly and honestly. He didn't get tired of be repeating the same questions as I got used to the idea of his dressing. He told me the name he used, the clothes he liked (not to my own personal taste, I might add), about the other TV he knew and sometimes met (who was also married and his wife knew, I was sort of relived to hear!).

So there was his big secret - not something that I would be rushing around telling to my mammy & daddy, but something that when I thought about, and learned more about, I did end up with the "What's the big deal" attitude. I would like to think that I am open-minded, liberal and all those things, and also do think that the idea of just being able to change clothes to feel better is actually kinda nice - that he's lucky to have that outlet when he wants/needs it. But I also wondered why I couldn't fulfil that role for him. Again, over time, I realised that it's different - in the same way that he can't be all things at all times for me, and I like to do things that he's not really into, so it works with him.

It was not too long after that that I saw him dressed for the first time - we were both soooooo nervous. He didn't look too bad at all - but I have to be honest and say that he will never look like a woman to me - he will always be the man I know. Oh, and he did ask me to mention what good legs he has - and he does! On that, I don't like the idea of him with shaved legs, I like them just the way they are. And as with lots of other things in our relationship, there's give and take here, and he doesn't shave them!

Now, lots of years later, he still dresses, I still don't understand why, but it's just something that he does, and something I have absolutely no problem with. He's discreet and that's really all I ask. I still don't think too much of his taste in clothes - where does he think he's going in some of those things, he does seem to go for the less conservative attire!!

It's something that he does, but not something that forms a big part of our life together. He is free to dress at home, but rarely does it. I honestly wouldn't mind sitting watching TV with my TV, but it's just not something that happens. We have no children, and when people do stay over, we do end up moving things from one bedroom to another.

I don't think we're unique. I think that women are, generally, pretty accepting once they are reassured that there is not threat at all to them, their relationship etc. But, I also know that there are some women, some of my friends even, that wouldn't like it one bit. I have told two of my friends - both of whom I knew would be open.. but that was when it was all new to me, and in a way I think I needed to talk about it with someone else. I haven't said it to anyone else in a long time, and don't feel a need to. Not that I'd be embarrassed, but I think that the might not understand, might make judgements or form opinions that were wrong, so it's easier not to say. In conversations with the subject might arise, as it does from time to time, I don't appear too knowledgeable, but do set the facts straight and do take the "What's the harm" line.

I don't know if this will be of any use, or even any interest to anyone, but feel free to mail me about this, or about whatever on the subject by emailing Sí.

Anna

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