Rho Tau Newsletter

Bobbi's Eye on Beauty and Fashion	Lucy's Window Our Special Blessing	One Wife's Perspective on Cross-Dressing
One Wish...not to be taken too seriously...but then again...

Bobbi's Eye on Beauty and Fashion

Exfoliating This removes dead surface skin and has helps removes fines lines and brown spots to some degree. Yes, it aids in that youthful appearance. You don't need to do this every day. Choose from manual, scrubs or chemical methods. Chemical methods like Ponds Age Defying Face cream, won't over exfoliate or scratch the skin, but be careful not to overuse. Beware of getting in your eyes. Do this as part of a night ritual, but not before a going out. You probably will not have to do this more than twice a month once you have done this using the product label instructions for maybe a month.

Moisturizing
Always after cleansing. I use Oil of Olay Original Beauty Fluid. Do this to complete your night ritual or if you are going out, right after you shave. Apply lightly in either case. Moisturizing after shaving helps foundation from being absorbed into dry skin and giving that caked look. Allow the moisturizer about 15 minutes to absorb before applying makeup. Some may not need to moisturize as much nor as often. Consider moisturizing products with sufficient SPF ratings for your area and your skin. For the eye area I like Oil of Olay Revitalizing Eye Gel.

Those are the basics. If you want to make this a complete at home facial (lots of fun too), before the moisturizing, steam then apply a mask.

Steaming Not at all like cleaning an engine block. Steaming softens the skin and prepares it for the mask or moisturizing if you decide to skip the mask. Five minutes in a warm shower will do the trick or fill a bowl or sink with hot water (not too hot though - never lean over a boiling pot of water) and bend over it for 3 to 5 minutes while draping a towel over your head to capture the steam over the face. Alternatively, dip a wash cloth into hot (again, not too hot) water and press against your face, repeating 7 or 8 times.

The Mask First, protect the sensitive eye area from the mask by gently patting a thin layer of moisturizing cream around the eye area. Choose the right mask for your skin type. As general guidelines; a clay mask for oily skin, cream for dry skin and a gel or a patchwork mix of the previous 2 for combination skin. Spread a thin layer over your face and leave for 15 to 20 minutes (check instructions for the product you choose). Biore hot mask works great for me ( I'm Normal to Oily). Remove with lukewarm water or as directed. Of course there are masks you can make yourself out of food products. I'd rather eat them than wear them. Its all up to you. Now, with your face left moist, apply moisturizers. Some mask products you may like are:

Normal to Oily	Normal to Dry
Clinique Deep Cleansing Emergency Mask	Philosophy Rescue Mission - with aloe
Bath and Body Works Cleansing mask - with sea clay and vitamin E	Estee Lauder Triple Cream Hydrating Mask

Lucy’s Window

As Joan will tell you, it can sometimes take me a very long time to get it right, but I am convinced that I finally have. What has finally creeped through my thick skull is the realization that when God created me and others like me he/she gave me something special. For I truly have come to believe that we who are cross-dressers are gifted, and as any gifted person will tell you, a special gift can be a tremendous burden until it is used to benefit that person and others.

The special gift to which I am referring goes much deeper than cross-dressing because cross-dressing is merely a manifestation of our gift, and that gift is a soft feminine side. A side of us that does not have to dilute our masculinity one bit, but rather provides us qualities that other men do not have. Where the problem arises, is that we are brought up to believe that the stereotypical stoic male is the ideal and that displaying one's feelings is a sign of weakness. Unfortunately most of us are very conscientious, and we try to please our parents and teachers, but this carries with it a cost. It causes us to suppress our feelings, but our feminine side can't be crushed. Typically we seek an outlet, and that outlet is cross-dressing.

For so many years, I had it just backward. Like most of us, I equated femininity with weakness, and I felt that having a feminine side made me less of a man, and I always felt sad that I couldn't be the man that my wife deserved. Joan always tried to tell me that I was a just what she wanted, but I thought I knew better. Without realizing it, I had totally bought into the Hollywood ideal of what every woman wanted in a man. Yet I went through repeating several-years-long cycles of cross-dressing, followed by purging, and starting all over again a few years later. Like I have often said where cross-dressing is concerned, I am a slow learner.

After I retired, I tried to live the stereotype of the successful retired man. Once again, I decided that I was no longer going to need cross-dressing. (I am indeed a very slow learner.) After all, I convinced myself, if it had not been for the stresses of my professional life, my need wouldn't have continued throughout my adult life. I even tried to get excited about playing golf. However, one day on my way home from taking a lesson with the club pro, I was thinking about how expensive golfing is, and it occurred to me that I would much rather be buying a dress. At that point, I went on the Internet and found Tri-Ess.

What has happened since has been wonderful. I soon learned their are others like me, and those who have learned to use their gift are very special people. As the result of our membership in Tri-Ess, Joan and I have made some wonderful friends, our marriage is better than ever, and I now do things because I want to them -- I no longer feel like I'm playing a part. I now realize that my feminine side is a plus that adds to my capability to be a successful husband, father and grandfather. It even helps me to do a better job of passing because I feel good about myself.

If you are a CD still trying to resolve your inner conflicts, I hope you soon come to realize that your feminine side is truly a blessing, and I hope it won't take you as long as it did me. Once you learn that it is a blessing and stop trying to run from it, you will be much happier. And if you are the wife or significant other of a CD, I pray that you will be able to accept your husband's gift, and help him accept it. When this point is finally reached for both the CD and her wife/SO, a whole wonderful future will open up, and both of you will wish that you had reached it much sooner. However, you will feel that it was well worth your tough journey to get here, and like Joan and me, you will thank God every day for your wonderful gift.

One Wife's Perspective on Cross-Dressing

When Don first told me about his need to cross dress my first reaction was, "Just leave my things alone." That was all I ever hoped to hear on this subject. I never expected it to become such a major factor in our lives. However, since we had no one in whom we could confide, we had to rely only on each other. Needless to say we had years of discussion where we went round and round in circles. But never did I say he could not cross dress, and when I saw him it bothered me that he did not always look his best. So as money and time permitted we began getting Lucy shaped up.

It was tough during the beginning years because there was very little information on the subject, and I kept trying to put my head in the sand hoping it would go away. Finally, I realized this was one issue that was not going away, and our discussions became a two way street. I don't ever remember not being willing to discuss the subject. Rather, I just got tired of not having any substantive answers. We had to find our own way, and it took a lot of years to find our comfort zone.

Even today when I am tired, hungry or just suffering emotional tiredness and Lucy wants to emerge, my reaction will be, "NO." However, give me a little time to rest or eat and my whole perspective will change, and I will be a whole lot more receptive. As Don says it is all a matter of timing, and neither of us always get it right.

Over all, I have come to enjoy Lucy, even if at times I wish we did not have to deal with issues related to cross-dressing.. But if there were a pill he could take to make it go away, I would NOT want Don to take it because it would mean a change in his personality, and I don't think I would like the person who was left.

I really wish every wife/SO could become more open about cross-dressing issues with her CD, but I also understand that does not always happen. I can only suggest to CDs, be open and above board and show your wife/SO by example that your cross-dressing is not a threat to her and find ways to make her realize she is the number one female in your life. I know sometimes that it is hard for a wife to understand because she feels she should be the only female present in her husband's life. But we married most sensitive men, and without that sensitivity and understanding, we would not love you so much. Cross dressers are truly special people, and I hope someday every wife/SO will come to understand this.

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I willgrant you one wish"

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Thinkof the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of thePacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understandwomen. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can makea woman truly happy"