Rho Tau Newsletter
February, 2000
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| Going Out??? Plan Ahead | Perspective and Punctuation - some poignant humor | Web Crossings a new column dedicated to helpful web sites. |
| Lucy's Window keys to "passing" | ||
By Joan Stone
During a recent Rho Tau Chapter Meeting, we held a discussion on concerns about going out crossed dressed. As a concerned wife who has accompanied her CD many times, I thought it might be useful for me to share my thoughts and suggestions on this subject with other CDs. Lucy and I have been going places for over twenty years, but we are always on the lookout for ways to make our outings more carefree and enjoyable. For example, last year we were fortunate enough to hear a Virginia State trooper when he gave a talk to Chi Epsilon Sigma during their March 1999 weekend meeting in Williamsburg. His list of precautions for CDs to consider before going forth in public contained a few points that were new to us. They made sense to us, and we have incorporated them into the list of things we consider before Lucy and I go out. Additional considerations surfaced at Rho Tau’s recent discussion of concerns, and we have further modified our list of things to consider before we leave home.
Based on our list, I have created the following simple checklist, which I believe would be useful for every CD to ask herself each time before she goes out.
You will need identification if a policeman stops you while you are driving your car, or you are hurt and your spouse needs to be notified. Your medical ID might also be useful in the same emergency if you need medical care, and you will need your auto insurance card if you are ever involved in an automobile accident. If a policeman stops you, be sure you tell him your true identity. The trooper, who addressed us, said it is especially important to tell him your true identity and that you are cross-dressed because it is your personal preference. He said you shouldn’t be harassed, but he couldn’t guarantee that you wouldn’t be. If you should be so unfortunate to get an unsympathetic cop, remain passive until the incident is over.
Planning your route in advance saves unnecessary loss of time and keeps you from appearing lost so you become more vulnerable. Both coming and going should be as efficiently planned and executed as possible. Planned alternate routes are a must in case of road closure or other unexpected emergency. Planning means you know where the local police station or fire station or other source of help is available in case you are being followed or harassed. Remember, when dressed as a woman, you must take the same defensive measures any woman would take.
Knowing your state and local laws concerning the use of rest rooms and dressing rooms makes good sense so you are neither embarrassed nor arrested in case you don't pass. If you are traveling remember the law varies from state to state.
Whenever you are going out cross-dressed, it always pays to plan ahead so you don't find yourself in a difficult situation where you could be embarrassed or worse. If you have a supporting wife or SO, taking her along often permits a more relaxed atmosphere and keeps away unwanted attention. And always have a plan as to where you will meet your wife or SO in case you should get separated. If that should happen, both of you can then go to the prearranged meeting place. It keeps you both much safer than you would be running around in a panic looking for each other.
I am not trying to discourage anyone from going out and having a good time crossed-dressed. I am only suggesting that you take time and plan your outings in advance so you can relax and enjoy them. My special CD and I always take the time to plan, and we usually have a great time. We are free from worrying about what would happen “if,” because we have prepared in advance, as much as possible, for unforeseen events. To paraphrase the Virginia State trooper, “you are doing nothing illegal in most jurisdictions when you cross-dress. So cross-dress and go out as often as you like, but plan ahead and be careful.”
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By Lucy Stone
We all have heard CDs stating there is no way they could pass because they are too tall or too fat or any number of other reasons. Yet afterward, we often have seen someone else on the street in feminine dress who is at least as tall or fat or whatever, and said something like, “that woman is so feminine it obvious she is a genetic female.” So what are the traits that distinguishes someone who is perceived as being a genetic female from someone who is always “read”.
First of all, it is attitude. Most women appear confident and at-ease. They show by their attitude that everything is all right and they are doing what they should be doing. As a result they call far less attention to themselves than someone who appears to be insecure and feeling out of place does. For, it is human nature to question what is wrong, and look more closely to find out what it is.
Next comes appearance. Women start with characteristic shapes that most CDs do pretty well imitating. Important here is taking care to choose breast forms, waist cinchers and hip pads that produce believable proportions. Most of us also get pretty good at getting women (SOs, retailers, hair stylists and cosmetologists) to assist us in choosing wigs, developing makeup techniques and learning color coordination.
If we have learned our lessons well up to this point, and go no further, we may blend in, but we certainly will not pass. For though we may appear feminine at first glance, our movements and our voices still give us away. This being the case, what must we still do to pass?
First we must learn to walk and move like the women we are emulating. Start by observing the people around you and pay close attention to the way women walk and gesture compared to men. Not only must you develop an awareness of the movements and gestures of the ladies, but also you must become especially sensitive to your unmodified actions that, should they randomly reemerge while you are dressed enfemme, will at the least cast doubt. You will observe that the differences are the bigger when women and men are dressed up, and they tend to be less distinct as dress becomes more casual and unisex. The differences in shoes and clothing make men and women walk differently. However, even when men and women are wearing similar shoes and virtually unisex casual clothing, there are marked differences. Women roll their hips and step more on the inside of their feet. They keep their elbows close to their bodies. They allow their arms to swing fairly freely from the elbow, and the palms of their hands are turned inward. As they walk and gesture, their movements are more fluid and tend to flow gracefully.
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The most common deficiency that ultimately keeps CDs from passing is not having a voice. Probably the most commonly used argument is, “my voice is too low, and there is no way I can develop a believable feminine voice.” I will have to agree with the last part of this statement because the CD who uses this excuse has already closed his mind to being able to do it. However, in most cases, the outcome can be quite different if development of a feminine voice is approached with an open mind and the determination to succeed. Start by learning from experts. Two valuable sources of information on the Internet can be found at http://heartcorps.com/journeys/voice.htm and http://www.looking-glass.greenend.org.uk/voice.htm . Study both sites and practice what you learn. As you work on developing your voice, get critiques from others who can help you. I have found that one valuable way of developing my voice was to make information requests and motel reservations over the telephone using my feminine voice. If the person to whom I was talking used ma’am when talking to me, it was an indication that my voice was working the way that I wanted. This is an especially effective test for evaluating how you are doing because it is more difficult to have a convincing voice on the telephone than when talking face to face. One word of caution when developing a feminine voice, use a pitch near the top of your normal range so that you won’t strain your vocal chords.
I agree with cross-dressers who proclaim emphatically that there is no way they can pass. Of course, there is no way that they can pass because they have closed their minds to trying. However, I am convinced that most of us can pass if we apply ourselves. It may take a very long time, but after all, being a cross-dresser lasts a lifetime.
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From a 16 year old.
Punctuation is everything
To all the "phenomenal" women:
An English professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is
nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is everything!
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Perhaps one of the biggest challenges facing us is the need to conceal the unsightly facial discoloration most commonly referred to as (ugh) beard. No matter how close the shave is there is the underlying blue tone of the facial hair which can challenge even the best makeup technique.
In some cases the concealers sold at cosmetics counters may hide the unsightly discoloration. There are advantages to using these concealers in that they are readily available and are formulated to be complementary to with other cosmetics offered by the same brand.
An excellent option is the use of Dermablend and/or Max Panstick. These can be set with any kind of loose powder. Dermablend even offers a powder specifically for use with their products.
The beard covers which are intended for use on the male face provide a great number of options for achieving the best look. The most well known covers are offered by Jim Bridges and Ben Nye. These can be used to achieve a smooth appearance at a reasonable level of coverage. The heavier coverage such as the use of "clown white" is best left to performers as the heavy amount of cover and makeup are thick, uncomfortable, and short lasting. This type of makeup can actually "melt" on the face creating a very unsightly appearance.
The Jim Bridges and Ben Nye beard covers and blue neutralizers are lighter and allow the use of a wide variety of cosmetics. There are different techniques in application but one constant is the use of a sponge to blot the cover onto the face. This is preferable to smearing using the finger tips as blotting with the sponge will push the cover into the pores and provide more consistent coverage. This will also create a smooth base for your foundation.
Jim Bridges is well known to the cross dressing community and is a frequent presenter at conventions across the country. His catalog which is free is available from: http://www.shee.net/bridges/ Clothing and makeup is offered in addition to beard cover.
Ben Nye cosmetics offers a virtual palette of options for coverage of beard and other facial discoloration. The colors and options are amazing. There are a number of websites which offer Ben Nye products. Several of the websites have descriptions of the products and how they can be used to overcome skin imperfections. In addition to beard cover there is a large array of other Ben Nye makeup products which can be utilized to create your perfect feminine look.
www.costumeland.com/makeup/nye/neutralizer/default.asp
WYB - Ben Nye -Would You Believe and A A A Costumes
Ben Nye Makeup and A. Harlequin Costume
Star Costumes - Ben Nye concealer
Some of these items may be available at a local theatrical supply store. If not, then mail order is certainly an option.
The writer has purchased concealer from Star Costumes. Ordering by phone was quick and the service was excellent. The products were received within a week of ordering.
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