Rho Tau Newsletter
December, 1999
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| Dignity Cruise '99 Our own Lucy and Joan share their experiences! | Christmas Party a Huge Success! | Transgender Documentary set for WGN on Jan 5 |
| Lucy's Window | New Tri-ESS Children's Program | A Wife's Suggestion a new look for a new year? |
The Dignity 11 Cruise -- A Wonderful Experience
By Lucy and Joan Stone
We were very privileged to have the opportunity to be part of the Tri-Ess Dignity 11 Cruise that left Houston on November 14 to sail southward for a week’s cruise with port calls at Cancun and Cozumel, Mexico and Roatan, Honduras. The cruise provided the opportunity for personal discovery and growth, developing lasting friendships with and providing support for other Tri-Ess sisters (both CDs and SOs), as well as outreach to other members on the ship. There were many happy moments and a few sad moments, the worst being when we all had to say good-bye. The cruise made for a very special week one that was very much a high point for us. Peggy Rudd worked very hard to put this cruise together, and she continued to work hard right through the cruise to make it a wonderful success
We traveled to Houston on Thursday November 11. While our cruise was not to begin until the following Sunday, we traveled as soon as our schedules would permit so that we could at least catch some of the Femme Holiday activities. Lucy left home dressed en femme and dressed en femme for most of the trip. The only exceptions were a side trip to the NASA manned Space Center on Friday, November 12, and a morning of shopping in Cozumel on the following Wednesday. That meant flying both ways, boarding the ship, going ashore in Honduras, boarding the ship afterwards, reentering the US at the end of the cruise and returning home while being dressed en femme. The only problem we encountered was when we checked in at the start of the trip. The ticket agent, a pleasant middle-aged woman did not believe that Lucy and the picture of Don on the driver’s license was the same person. However, the problem quickly went away when Lucy produced an ID that had the same picture and information contained on Don’s driver’s license and also a picture dressed as Lucy. It also explained that the bearer is a member of Tri-Ess and that she is a cross-dresser. For the remainder of the trip, Lucy provided both the Tri-Ess ID whenever she had to produce either her driver’s license or passport for identification, and no further problems were encountered.
Our first meeting as a group occurred in the Le Bistro Restaurant up on Deck 10. Peggy Rudd arranged for us all to get acquainted here on our first night at sea. It was the highlight of our wonderful first evening at sea. We had time to begin the process of getting acquainted while enjoying a very wonderful meal. We look forward in years to come to seeing again the friends that we began making that night.
Monday, we culminated our first full day at sea, by getting dressed "to the nines" in our formal dresses. Then, it was off to the Captain’s Cocktail Party. As everyone entered the cocktail lounge the obligatory photos with the captain were taken. When our turn came, we were directed to positions on either side of the captain. As we took our places the captain put his arms around us and pulled us close to him for the picture. It all happened so fast that the picture was taken while Lucy was still realizing what had just happened and before her startled expression could develop.
In the photograph the Captain looked as if he was really enjoying holding us. We’re not certain why.
Lucy was not dressed when we went ashore at Cozumel. She had dressed for each of the five previous days, and on the evening before Joan had expressed reservations about not getting to see her husband enhomme for that length of time. The next morning, she realized that her negative feelings had been more a product of fatigue than anything else. She told Lucy to go ahead and dress enfemme, but Lucy felt that it would be better to spend the morning enhomme (as Don). After lunch, Don returned to being Lucy. Dressing enhomme that morning, after spending five days enfemme had been an interesting experience. The enfemme mode had become so familiar that Lucy felt cross-dressed all morning in the Don mode. Perhaps this feeling resulted from the confidence that comes from having the opportunity to comfortably dress enfemme for a number of days, or more likely it was cross-dressing that had become routine. Several times during the morning, Don had instinctively reached for Lucy’s purse and started to adjust his clothes as Lucy does with the result that he was less self-assured than normal.
We felt that Dignity Cruise 11 was a fantastic experience, and Joan as well as Don feels that it was the highlight of a year when we traveled extensively. Not only did we have a wonderful time with everyone in the group, but the people we met and the friends we made are a lasting bonus. It was so great to be able to visit with other wives and CDs at almost any hour we were awake. Joan especially enjoyed the opportunity to talk with other wives about families and friends. as well as each of their special CDs. There were many opportunities for everyone to exchange information, address each other’s doubts and problems. Everyone strived to help everyone else, and individual problems were responded to with well thought out answers that drew upon past experiences. The atmosphere was relaxed and the people were an interesting cross section of Americana.
For the first time in our forty plus years of marriage, we freely shared items from our individual wardrobes on this trip. It was not planned ahead of time so that made it more fun. We had each shopped for and selected our own formal wardrobes. Then one evening as we were dressing for dinner, Lucy looked at the outfit that Joan had selected for the evening and said, " Why don't you try my black top with that skirt. I think you might like it better." Joan agreed, and the result turned out to be spectacular. Several nights later, Joan suggested that Lucy would look better in the top Joan had originally selected for her formal skirt. Lucy tried it on, and sure enough it looked better with her skirt. >From then on, we have been experimenting with different looks. And for the first time, Joan is really enjoying having one wardrobe with Lucy, rather than hers and hers! We have always shared jewelry and scarves, but never much clothing. Joan says that she has found this to be a lot fun, which is quite a change for her because she has always been a person who has fiercely guarded her own wardrobe.
We have made wonderful friends on this trip, especially one couple with whom we seem to have a special affinity. When we first met, it was as if we had always known each other. The bonds of friendship were immediate and strong. We are looking forward to seeing them very soon and we hope often over the years, even though we do not live in the same part of the country. If it had not been for this cruise, we might not have ever met them and our lives would have the poorer.
Joan says that, being in contact with this wonderful group of people gave her the opportunity to relax and really begin to enjoy her cross dresser. Not that we have not had some really great times over the years, but this trip put into perspective a lot of thoughts that had been floating around in her head for long time, which she was not fully able to express. We urge everyone to seriously consider a dignity cruise. They are wonderful. You will get the opportunity to discuss any and all problems in a relaxed and non- threatening atmosphere. As we all know cross dressers and their significant others are wonderful people. So go along and enjoy being with each other. It is an experience you will never regret.
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1999 Christmas Party a Huge Success!
by Staff Writer
The 1999 Christmas Party hosted by Lucy and Joan Stone was a huge success. Over twenty girls joined in a gala celebration of the season. Lucy and Joan's home was beautifully decorated and conveyed all the warmth of a joyous holiday season.
The girls were dressed in their evening finest. All of the girls looked wonderful. As you might imagine there were plenty of cameras present and lots of pictures were taken. A page of pictures taken at the party is posted elsewhere on the Rho Tau site.
The Rho Tau girls outdid themselves with a wonderful potluck buffet of sandwiches, dips, casseroles, assorted other goodies, and some marvelous desserts!
Everyone appreciated Lucy's detailed directions to her home. Everyone found Lucy and Joan's home and there were reports of only a few wrong turns here and there.
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New Tri-ESS Program for Children of CD's Announced
Dear Tri-Ess Friends,
For three years, Tri-Ess has been operating online forums that have
been very successful in supporting people in need. We now have available
online forums for spouses and partners, crossdressers and couples.
All too often, the children of crossdressers are the forgotten ones.
Like crossdressers and their spouses, they often live in lonely isolation,
unable to talk over their thoughts and feelings with friends who have "been
there." If only they could make contact with others like themselves, and
understand that they are not alone!
Now it is time to meet that need. I am pleased to announce the
inauguration on December 12 of our new CD-KIDS forum for the children of
crossdressers. It is moderated by Arienne, a young adult daughter of a
crossdresser, and is open to children of crossdressers, 10 years of age and
older, at least one of whose parents is a current member of Tri-Ess.
Documentation of parental permission to participate is required for all who
are under the age of 18.
You may reach Arienne as follows:
E-Mail address: evry1needsafriend@yahoo.com
website: http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Plateau/2476/
Love to all of you, and best wishes to Arienne and all whose lives she
will touch!
Jane Ellen Fairfax
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SPICE VIII
July 12-16,2000 in Houston, Texas
Contact melpeg@pmpub.com or visit
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/Garden/6280/spice.html
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A Wife's Suggestion to Crossdressers
by Joan Stone
A new year is upon us. What are you going to do to improve your second self?
Are your goals for 2000, a new wig, new make up, new fashions? Whatever they
are now is the time to plan and start looking around you. Do you know what
the most popular new color is this year? Will it look good on you?
Books, magazines and just plain observation of others can give you some great
ideas. Then it becomes a time for trying out these new ideas. Purchase a new
skirt and try it with an unusual blouse or sweater that you may already have
hanging in your closet. Or if you are fortunate enough to be able to exchange
articles with your wife, ask her to let you try one of those items you have
been looking at, but didn't think it would look good on you. You just might
be surprised.
If you are going for a new look, how about taking your wife or SO along and
both of you get into looking at something new and different. Makeovers can do
wonders for both of your outlooks. It doesn't have to be expensive or total.
Thrift shops have a wealth of clothing ideas without a great deal of cost.
Wig shops are fun places to try on all kinds of styles and colors without
having to decide right that minute on the one you want.
Any one of these adventures can be done at minimum cost, but with a lot of
fun, especially if you have someone with which to share the fun. So relax and
go have some fun while shopping for that new look. And just maybe you will
discover you already have the best for yourself. Who knows until you try
something different!
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Lucy’s Window
By Lucy Ellen Stone (Va-4754-S)
Looking Toward 2000
Everyone in our community is aware of the parallel threads that surface when members of the cross-dressing community get together, either in person or on the Internet, to talk about the problems with which we are coping. Each of us has experienced or currently is experiencing very great difficulties, and this is true both for cross-dressers, and the significant others of cross-dressers. More than once, you undoubtedly have thought that another person’s experiences parallel yours. Not only are you likely to find similar incidences to those you have encountered, but you also are likely to hear recurring themes. It is these themes that I think might be worth while to reexamine. For each theme appears to me to be very representative of problems that each of us encounter as we try to understand the impact of cross-dressing on our lives. How well we handle the underlying problems may well determine whether we are able to forge the basis for a lifetime of happiness, or we are going to be doomed to a lifetime of despair.
It has become very apparent to me that each of us, CD and SO, are working the same basic problems from different perspectives. Each is struggling to understand, and at the same time offload the baggage of a lifetime of exposure to societal biases. Neither would have voluntarily chosen to have anything to do with cross-dressing. While neither probably totally understand what their partner is going through, they often can benefit by working through their concerns together.
When cross-dressing enters the picture, the success of a continuing relationship is dependent on the couple achieving a balance with which both can sustain. Emotions often run high, and it is easy for one member of the relationship to get hung up on what their partner said in a moment of anger. There are periods when either partner will feel that they can not endure another moment related to cross-dressing. A wife may feel that that she just doesn’t want to deal with it, while her husband may wish he could drop dead. However, through all of the difficulty, it is important to allow each moment filled with negative emotion to pass, and then to press on. And the biggest rule is to communicate. Too often, one partner will assume what the other is thinking. When this happens, constructive progress is in grave danger of being set back or derailed. Probably one of the worst cop-outs is to say, "I just want what my partner wants" without any real conviction. This approach appears destined to produce negative emotions, discontent and stress.
The sustainable balance that accommodates the needs and expectations of each partner is as varied as the possible combinations of marriage partners. What works for one couple may not work for anyone else. Where each of us is in our personal journeys to achieve an acceptable balance with our marriage partners probably has a lot to do with the relative amounts of pain or happiness each of us currently is experiencing. As we begin a new year, perhaps it would be especially useful to review common problem areas with the goal of adopting realistic new-year’s resolutions that could help us improve the quality of our lives.
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Transgender Television Documentary Scheduled for
January 5 on WGN-TV Chicago
On January 5th a new half-hour show called "Declassified" will be airing
at
4 p.m. on WGN-TV channel 9 in Chicago and on their nation wide cable
network. (Check your local listings) The stories in the program are taken
from classified ads that have run in the Chicago Tribune.
One such ad, which appears in the women's section, is for a local support
group and reads "Support for wives or partners of crossdressers and their
families, call Chi-Chapter at 708-383-1677."
Their story is about the struggles and joys of both Shelley and Linda, a
married couple of more then 30 years, and a crossdresser, Sara and her
family. They tell how their transgendered life has been and how they are
all working at keeping their relationships alive and healthy.
Shelley has said "This is the first TV program to come along in quite some
time that doesn't show us as Drag Queens, but shows the crossdresser in a
more true and positive way."
Linda has said "I hope other couples and wives of crossdressers can see this
program and learn that crossdressing doesn't have to ruin the relationship,
but that it can help it grow if both are open to understanding each other
and each others needs."
Sara has said "The more people that watch this show and see us as just good
human beings the more tolerant the world may be. And if so, perhaps one day
we can live more openly in the gender that reflects our inner feelings."
The producer of the program, Thea Flaum, has said "Anyone who sees this show
will not view crossdressing in the same way ever again." And "It's hard to
say any one TV show can change the attitude of the public, but this one
could go along way in doing just that."
Chi-Chapter, Tri-Ess
PO Box 40
Wood Dale, IL 60191-0040
Helpline: 708-383-1677
E-mail: Chitriess@aol.com
Note: Chi-Chapter is one of the largest of the 30 chapters that make up
the international organization called Tri-Ess. While giving support for the
crossdresser, Chi-Chapter also has a women's group for wives and partners
and a couples group, that meet each month and are both lead by Linda. Sara
is their Treasurer. Shelley answers the Helpline and is their VP of Outreach
& Membership.
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