RHO TAU Chapter Newsletter
Volume 1, No. 2 August, 1999

Published more-or less-monthly by the Rho Tau Chapter of
TriEss

A Word from the Editor
Janet Monroe

As the sun sets on my parched lawn, I sit here looking
forward to fall -- cooler weather, the annual return to
school, and the last summer vacation. I like going away
and putting it all behind me. For a number of reasons,
this year has been exceptionally difficult for me so
far, but one of the nicest things about it has been
joining TriEss and seeing our little chapter grow.

One of the most rewarding things about joining a
transgendered community group (of any sort) is that you
learn a lot about things from others just like you. So,
in today's brief column I'd merely like to share with
you a resource I have found to be invaluable -- the Pink
Room (formerly Debbie's Den) at tggallery (the actual
url is http://tggallery.com ; click on chat, then follow
the instructions for the Pink Room). The PR is not a
place to engage in flirtation (there is a general chat
room for that but enter at your own risk; I frequently
find it quite disturbing); rather, the PR is a really
generally nice bunch of folks like us who sit down and
discuss anything of concern. I frequently find myself
in there while working, decompressing from the day and
enjoying a good laugh after everyone else around has
gone off to do other things. And of course, all sorts
of tips are to be had on looking and acting your best.
You can even post a picture of yourself online so it
appears when you contribute to the chat. A very nice
experience actually seeing the people in the
conversation.

I promised to be short (and the boss is cracking the
whip), so I'll sign off. Remember, soon fall will be in
the air -- I love fall and winter fashions!

Janet


Our Voices Reveal Us
By Rachel Rene Boyd

Probably the hardest thing for male crossdressers to
feminize is our voice. After hours of careful
preparation, adding the padding in just the right
places, artfully crafting the makeup, and practicing the
feminine mannerisms, as soon as we open our mouths, the
illusion diminishes. Only a few of us have mastered the
techniques of feminizing our voices, which usually takes
years of practice and maybe more than a little gift in
the tenor of our native voice boxes.

Melanie Yarborough points out that people who experience
identification with a minority group do so in three
stages: Contact, Immersion, and Integration ("Keeping
Our Community Alive", The Femme Mirror, Summer, 1999).
I am one of those in the Immersion phase, openly
reveling in the experience of being a crossdresser.
After over 40 years in the closet, I have been going out
in public en femme more frequently and openly in the
last 18 months. One of the things that many
crossdressers have experienced is that people will often
draw us into conversation just to confirm our gender
identity. That has happened to me several times now.

The first time I was aware of being intentionally drawn
out was on a recent trip to Philadelphia. Business
brought me to the City of Brotherly Love. I brought
along an extra suitcase so I could enjoy dinner at a
local restaurant en femme. The restaurant treated me
with courtesy and respect due any customer, even though
I have no illusions that I can pass completely. I am
convinced that people "read" me, but because I do my
very best to look and act as a lady, they accept my
masquerade and treat me as a lady.

After dinner, I went back to my hotel. Still in the
euphoria of the evening, I was not ready to give up my
femme persona just yet. So I went to the hotel lounge
for a nightcap. The female bartender served me with a
smile and a little pleasant chitchat. A male customer at the next table had been absorbed in the Philadelphia
Flyers on television. When the game was over, his
curiosity got the best of him, and he asked me, "What
are you doing here?"

My instant thought, before I could answer, was that he
was going to create a scene. Answering in my best
female voice, "I'm staying overnight here after some
business in Philadelphia today." Apparently satisfied
that he had confirmed what he thought about my identity,
he said, "Have a good evening," and left. I was amused,
and relieved.

On another occasion, I was meeting a sister for dinner
at a gender friendly restaurant in Baltimore. I had
just parked my car in a self-serve pay lot, and was
walking over to deposit my parking fee. A female voice
called from behind me, "Excuse me." I practiced
selective hearing loss and tried to ignore her. She
became more insistent, "Excuse me!" as I could hear her
getting closer behind me. Again, there was a certain
sense of panic that someone was trying to create a
scene.

Finally, I had to acknowledge her. She said, "I just
wanted to tell you what lovely perfume you are
wearing."

My heart went from fear to exhilaration. "Thank you
very much. That is very kind of you to say so. I hope
you have a nice evening."

I am convinced that in both of these cases, my feminine
presentation was passable, but only to an extent. After
all, I am six feet tall and with overly broad shoulders
for a woman. These people knew that by drawing me into
conversation, they could confirm what they suspected. I
am thankful to them that after they did speak to me,
they had the graciousness to let me live my life as I
chose.

Rachel


LUCY'S WINDOW
Lucy Stone
President, Rho Tau Chapter

If you were asked what you thought was the single most
important thing that must be done well by anyone that is
cross-dressing, what would you say? Would you select
make-up, wig grooming, clothes selection, gestures and
mannerisms, voice or something else?

My choice would be something else. I believe that a
positive attitude is the most important factor of all.
For unless a cross-dresser is convinced that she can do
a good job, her presentation is going to be less
effective no matter how well she otherwise presents
herself. If she acts if she is comfortable with herself
and her surroundings when she is out in public, she is
going to draw far less attention than would be the case
if she looks uncomfortable and constantly avoids all eye
contact. People generally accept others at face value,
usually not taking the time to question appearances
unless something stands out as being out of place. For
example, a woman resolutely going about her business may
get a passing glance, while one who appears to be
insecure and ill at ease will draw considerable
attention. The reason for this is the first inclination
of others is to question anything that appears wrong or
out of place. When they do, they look more closely;
and, as a result, are likely to question details that
otherwise would go unnoticed.

To consistently project a positive attitude while cross-
dressed, a CD must truly have a positive attitude about
life and her cross-dressing, and to have a truly
positive outlook, she must feel good about herself and
feel confident about her capability to effectively cross-
dress. To reach this state, a CD must resolve any inner
and spousal conflicts, and she will want to develop
proficiency in each of the areas required to
successfully blend in when she is out in public. It
sounds like a lot of work, but each of us has a lifetime
to accomplish it. For as we are too keenly aware, the
desire to cross-dress never goes away.

If you are having problems accepting yourself as a cross-
dresser, do get help. Life is too short to spend it
feeling guilty about something that is so fundamentally
a part of you. Besides the American Psychiatric
Association in the most recent edition of their
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM IV, 1994)
classifies cross-dressing as normal behavior, so you can
stop worrying about whether you are normal or not. True
our culture has difficulty handling it, but each of us
must separate ourselves from cultural prejudices if we
are to achieve self-acceptance. However, at the same
time, we must strike a balance between our needs and the
needs of our spouses and what society as a whole will
accept.

The positive nature of my attitude has always been
rooted in a strong belief in myself. This does not mean
that I had an easy time accepting cross-dressing as a
permanent part of my character. On the contrary, for
years, I hung on to he belief that I somehow would be
able to eliminate my desire to do it. The result was
the all to familiar pattern of periodic purges followed
by severe guilt trips after each failed attempt to
eradicate the desire for donning feminine apparel and
venturing forth in public. However, since I reached out
and found Tri-Ess, my situation has changed for the
better. I have not experienced a guilt trip for several
years, and I do not expect to, as long as I maintain my
balance. To paraphrase the lyrics of a popular old
song, Tri-Ess has helped me to "accentuate the positive,
eliminate the negative and do away with Ms. In-Between."

Lucy