Rho Tau Newsletter

August, 2000

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Bobbi's Eye on Beauty and Fashion

The impossible is possible. Look at this transformation done by Kevyn Aucoin.

I think the hair has allot to do with the total change here, however, its still amazing.

Blush

Apply blush with your face shape in mind.
On a round face, place blush from the center of your cheek out along the ridge of your cheekbone, blending upward towards your temples. Dot some on your chin, too.
On a square face, use minimal blush placed on the lower apple of your cheek. Don't sweep it upwards or to the side.
On a narrow face, blush goes at the outer point of your cheekbone. Don't sweep it upwards; keep it horizontal. Do not apply too heavily. Now take the puff, add a little powder if necessary and pat the blushed area firmly. This will make the blush appear to radiate from under the skin (glow). You should do this one more time after you have finished brows, eyes and lips.

Eyebrows

Use a mascara close to your natural hair color (light brown is OK for blondes) First, the shape of the brow is variable. The keys are where to start and end the brow. The brow should start about even with the inside corner and end at a point in line with an imaginary line drawn from the tip of the nose through the outer corner of the eye. The total brow shape should follow the natural contour of the brow bone in the shape of the eye. You can really vary this to other styles, but this is a basic look as in the picture below.

Some trimming, tweezing or waxing may be required to perfect the shape. Once you have the shape, you need to get the color. I use either dark brown mascara or black-brown powder for this. Apply the mascara to a brow brush or if using powder a small flat tipped stiff brush. Use the brush to lift and color; wide to the inside and narrowing as you go out. Fade the line to nothing at the far most point. To finish the shape you may need to use a brow pencil to fill in the gaps and a wedge-shaped sponge with a little foundation to erase your mistakes. To hold the brows up, lightly apply some hairspray to your brow brush and run it through your brows in a lifting motion staring at the inside edge and sweeping slightly toward the outside. This will make your bows appear more natural.

Eyes

First we apply the shadow. Choose shades that compliment your eyes. Generally shades that match your eye color DO NOT work well. For instance my eyes are blue and earth tones seem to work. I can also use plums. Department store beauty counters and manufacturer websites will help you here. Let's be easy on ourselves and use just two shades for the basic eye shading. First with the darker color form a "C" shape along the crease of the lid starting at mid-eye to the outside corner and back along the lash line to mid-eye again. Fill in the outside corner in a "V" and sweep lightly out and up toward the temple from the corner if you want to lengthen the eye. Don't go beyond the end of the brow line.

You should now have an open center extending to the inside corner. Blend in the lighter color from the edges of the "C", filling in the open area on the lid to the inside corner. Sweep lightly over above the crease along the brow bone.

Now the liner. I use a brown liner felt tip by Cover Girl or most recently, I have used an angle tipped brush and black brown powder. The powder is the easiest to use and mistakes are easier to correct. Simply moisten the brush and lightly pull across the edge of your powder pot. A pencil is also good, but I find liquids are difficult to use and sometimes too harsh looking. I've never used a cream, but I understand they work very well. First apply liner to the upper lid along the lash line starting at the inside corner (thin line) to the outside corner getting about 3 times as wide at the end. One method of doing this is to make small dots or dashes in the desired line and then fill them in (yes, connect the dots). When using a pencil, moisten the pencil tip first and a few times in between to help it glide across the lash line more easily. Once your line is done blend in slightly toward the lashes. A small narrow brush, felt-tipped applicator or a Q-tip works well for, this.

For the lower lash line, I also start at mid-eye, again along the lash line, working from thin to thick. Finish by blending toward the lashes as before. If you want to make yours eyes appear more narrow, start your line at the inside edge instead of the center as I do. If you do not want to use liner, try the darker color shadow. Apply with a thin brush and blend downward fading to nothing. Just be careful not to make it look like a black eye.

Lashes

First use a lash comb to separate. Next curl the lashes with an eyelash curler and comb again to give good separation. Curling your lashes can make an eye-opening difference, but a lot of eyelash curlers can be pretty scary to use. It's so easy to catch your skin with them as you squeeze. However, there's a new patented little eyelash-curling gizmo by Ilise Harris , which gives you much more control. Maybelline's experts eyes lash curler is a good choice too. Choose a mascara close to or darker than your hair color. I use a dark brown. Lightly wipe mascara wand on a Kleenex before using it on lashes. Apply mascara to top and bottom of upper lash. The application on the top helps thicken when you do the underside. When applying to underside, start at the base of the lashes and sweep upward and outward. When doing the lower lashes use only the tip of the brush, sweeping across each lash until darkened. Many of us have very few lower lashes anyway. I understand that doing the lower lashes makes us older girls look older, but I do it regardless. Just brush lightly back and forth across the the lower lashes with the brush held as shown in the far right picture below.

Lips 

We are going to do three things here; outline, color and gloss. First outline the lips with a lip lining pencil of the same color or lighter than your lip color. I like to use a neutral (nearly colorless). Draw the outline of your upper lip's "m", then finish from each corner back to the "m". Lines should be as close to the edge of the natural lip as possible (practice and a magnifying mirror help).

For the lower lip, draw a horizontal line at the middle bottom edge (not too big, just enough to identify the center). Now finish the outline from each corner to the line you just drew. To increase the apparent size of your lips, you may draw slightly out side the natural line (Don't go too far, unless you're going to the circus). Each lip is separate; don't connect the lines. To help your lip color stay better, color in each lip with the lip pencil. Apply lip color with a lip brush, exactly to the line you've drawn or just barely overlapping if you need to make your lips appear bigger. I like to go over the outline first, then color the inside areas, stroking toward the mouth opening in the contour of the lip. A light dusting of powder and a second coat of lip color will help staying power. 

Blot with a single sheet of tissue. Most tissues are two ply, so you should separate the plies and use just one ply. A final step to make fuller lips is to add lip gloss. I love Golden glaze from Joe Blasco for this. Apply to the center of the lower lip in a smile shape along the length of the lip and missing each end by about a quarter inch. On the upper lip, dab in two small areas just to each side of the centerline in the center of the lip's height. If you could see the gloss all by itself, it would look like a little smiley face. :)

Now you are gorgeous !!

Bobbi Jean

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Lucy's Window

Four Steps to Making Cross-Dressing a Blessing

 In June, I wrote that Joan and I have come to realize that my feminine side, of which cross-dressing is a manifestation, is a wonderful gift, and I expressed my wish that everyone reading this column would also come to realize their feminine side is a blessing.  But after reading it, I felt certain some of you were saying, "Well that was easy enough for Lucy to say, but it sure doesn't seem like a blessing to me."  In July, I decided to tell you more about how Joan and I reached this conclusion.  This month, as promised, I plan to discuss what I believe to be four essential steps that can change the way you view cross-dressing from considering it a curse to realizing that it is a blessing.  I hope these steps will be helpful to you as you continue your effort to understand that being a CD and having a feminine side does not have to make you feel like less of a man.

For a CD to view his involvement with cross-dressing as anything but a curse, he needs to (1) resolve religious concerns, (2) become reconciled to his second self, (3) negotiate terms and conditions for cross-dressing  with which both he and his spouse are comfortable and (4) maintain discretion when dealing with relatives, employers and friends.  The whole process requires dedication to change your life.  However, to make it work, you must be determined to work your way through each step, and you must set aside all negative feelings regarding your need to cross-dress.

Resolve religious concerns. For many of us, this is the essential first step.  If you are a religious person, you need to understand that cross-dressing is not a sin in the eyes of God.  Start by reading what scholars have to say about Deuteronomy 22:5 and other commonly cited biblical passages that refer to cross-dressing.  Such articles have been published in  back issues of the The Femme Mirror, and discussions of the subject can be found on the Internet.  Except for radical treatises that fail to consider the context of the time and give equal weight to the Ten Commandments and the archaic Hebrew Purity Code (of which Deuteronomy 22:5 is a part) most, discussions stress the intent of the cross-dresser. From my exploration in this area , I have come to the conclusion that cross-dressing for a purpose that violates one of the Ten Commandments, such as deceiving others during the commission of a crime, is wrong in the eyes of God.  However, I did not find credible arguments indicating that cross-dressing merely for the purpose of expressing one's feminine feelings is wrong.  Of course the conclusion each person reaches with regard to this vital area will be dependent on the exact nature of his religious convictions.

Accept your second self.   First of all, most of us are pretty successful in our roles of breadwinners, husbands and fathers.  In other words we are pretty successful as men.  The fact that we also have a feminine second self and cross-dress does not diminish us as men.  If we are considerate of our wives and families and responsible in the way we go about it, cross-dressing does not lessen our effectiveness in our sex-assigned roles.  Rather integration of the sensitive qualities of our feminine second self into our primary roles can be a definite plus.     

Take responsibility for your cross-dressing as you do for the rest of your life.  Each of us must take responsibility for all of our actions in life, and this includes cross-dressing.  We must be true to ourselves as well as to our wives/SOs.  You as a cross-dresser have needs, and you must determine what will work for you as your wife must determine what will work for her . Then, both of you need to develop a course of action that will work for both of you.  Your wife/SO's level of acceptance will range from her total unwillingness or inability to share this part of your life to total acceptance and support.  Then, it is essential that you both work together to determine a course of action that works for both of you. What works for you and your partner today should not be cast in concrete because your needs and that of your spouse/significant other probably will change over time.  One word of caution, both partners must avoid totally caving into the desires of the other because the partner who needs are not being met will have a very hard time carrying out his/her part of the agreement, and neither partner will be satisfied with the outcome..

Maintain discretion when dealing with relatives, employers and friends.  Most of us are pretty good at maintaining the proper level of discretion concerning what to tell relatives, employers and friends about our cross-dressing.  In most cases, the best course of action is to keep cross-dressing a secret from everyone except our wives and possibly our children and a few select friends.  Guard against the temptation to let your guard down when you start feeling good about yourself. 

Once you have worked through each of the steps I have discussed above, it is my hope that you will begin to realize what a wonderful blessing cross-dressing can be, and you should be able to get more enjoyment out of your life.  Best wishes for your future happiness.

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Alpha Chapter of Los Angeles
presents the
Millennial Spectacular
Tri-Ess Holiday En Femme
November 9-12, 2000
at the famous

Sportsmen’s Lodge
12825 Ventura Blvd.
Studio City, CA 91604

Alpha, the mother chapter of Tri-Ess and the oldest support group for our community, is proud to host this year's Holiday in sunny southern California. In 1993 Alpha chapter hosted the largest Tri-Ess Holiday ever with 169 people in attendance. This year we're aiming for 200 participants, and we want you to be one of them.

For your pleasure, we are organizing an exciting schedule. On Thursday evening we will offer a fashion show and variety acts. On Friday during the day we offer an excursion with lunch to a City Walk, a 50s themed shopping area, and a visit to the new Hollywood Museum. On Friday night we will have fun watching and learning Square Dancing and listening to country-western music. On Saturday night, our gala dinner and show benefiting breast cancer research will feature Tri-Ess awards and a fun filled evening of variety acts as well as a friendly fashion and talent pageant (featuring the first 15 convention registrants who sign up for it. Phone Linda Wade at 310 798 5637). Several vendors will be on site for your convenience, including Jim Bridges Studio.

For your growth we offer seminars on personal grooming and hair care. Discussions led by experts from outside our community as well as people like Dr. Virginia Prince, wives and partners discussions, couples round table, and Tri-Ess chapter development training. For affirming our community life we offer times of fellowship, informal discussions, a thoughtful speech by Dr. Jane Ellen Fairfax, and times to make new friends and renew old friendships.

You may check in on Wednesday but Convention registration will begin on Thursday morning. Thursday activities include seminars, shopping trips, mini excursions, all meals, and evening entertainment. Friday activities include seminars, a major excursion, all meals and evening entertainment and late night activities. Saturday’s program includes seminars, shopping trips, wives and partners program and couples luncheon and discussion group as well as a spectacular evening dinner, show, and benefit. Sunday’s activities will include a devotional service and farewell brunch. Following the Holiday, Dr. Peggy Rudd will sponsor one of her Dignity cruises to Mexico. Please see below for more information.

The famous Sportsmen's Lodge Hotel and Convention Center will be the friendly home of our Millennial Spectacular. Since the 1930s this wonderful facility has been the home away from home to many Hollywood celebrities and movie stars. We make no promises, but you may well rub shoulders with some well known people! Sportsmen's Lodge and Convention Center began as a picnic and fishing club located on nine acres of woods with a small lake in the middle. Today the lake has become a series of reflecting pools adorned by beautiful white and black swans and many ducks. A very favorite place for weddings, the garden like setting of the grounds are interlaced with wooden walkways leading to graceful arched bridges across the pools, highlighted with lovely, quiet gazebos, waterfalls, and splashing brooks. The Convention Center has a fine restaurant (with live music), bar, and coffee shop, graciously appointed meeting rooms, ball rooms, and banquet facilities with outstanding food, prepared by award winning chefs. The Hotel offers luxurious rooms (two double beds to a standard room), an Olympic swimming pool, a popular coffee shop, and its own beauty salon!

Sportsmen's Lodge Hotel and Convention Center is located on Ventura Blvd., in the heart of Studio City, minutes from City Walk and Universal Studio Theme Park as well as Beverly Hills shopping and other shopping centers. Specialized boutiques (such as Lydia's) for cross dressers are near by as well as the famous F.I. Club, the Queen Mary. Southern California, and Studio City in particular is very gender friendly and you are welcome to shop, eat, and visit in the many fine establishments in this area!

Los Angeles can be reached by air through Burbank Airport, Los Angeles International Airport, or Ontario Airport as well as by Amtrak or highway. Burbank is the closest and recommended airport. The hotel operates a free shuttle from that airport. Other airports have paid shuttle services costing $25.00 to $50.00.

To obtain a Registration Form, please call, write or e-mail Alpha Chapter:

Alpha Chapter, 409 N Pacific Coast Hwy. #320, Redondo Beach CA 90277;
Phone (Linda): (310) 798-5637; E-Mail (Linda): l_wade@earthlink.net

Or write Holiday Registrar Charlene Day at P.O. Box 661121, Arcadia, Ca 91066

Or visit their Website: http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/village/9977

Be sure to sign up for the post-Holiday Dignity Cruise #12 with author Peggy Rudd:

Nov. 13-17 *DIGNITY CRUISE #12 - CELEBRATE THE MILLENNIUM* Aboard a Ship Called “THE HOLIDAY”- Round Trip from Los Angeles, visiting Catalina Island and Ensenada; Call Cruises and Tours of the World, Anne Fleetwood, Toll Free 800-699-6631, or 281-558-2799. Fax 281-579-1037. Ask for the HOLIDAY EN FEMME DIGNITY CRUISE. E-Mail: Mermaiden@aol.com or melpeg@pmpub.com Or pmpub@mindspring.com Visit our Web Site: http://www.pmpub.com/cruise12.htm

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One Wife's Views on S.P.I.C.E. 2000

By Joan Stone

S.P.I.C.E. was a bit different than I had thought it would be.  I thought it would be more along the lines of rather boring lecture-type of sessions.   So I was delighted to find that it was participation all the way, and nothing was at all boring .  In fact all the sessions had something to offer,depending on individual needs, some more than others.  But never the less each one held my interest, and I was delighted to see so many of the couples begin reaching out and actually starting to communicate with each other.There were hand outs from many of the sessions to take home for continued help. It turned out to be a wonderful experience for us.

Getting couples to come together to learn and understand how to communicate was especially valuable.  Each evening, Don and I discussed the reactions of various couples.  I saw the women  and Don saw the men struggling over many of the same issues, but often they had no idea as how to go about discussing the issue with each other.  It would appear that, before coming to S.P.I.C.E., the couples having problems had been talking at each other while neither was really listening.   So it was great to learn, each morning, that many of them had spent much of the night talking and were beginning to communicate with each other.  Of course few problems are resolved that quickly, but it would appear that most couples made a good start.

I sincerely hope that, in the future, S.P.I.C.E. will continue to   encourage couples to attend.  I think it is very important that both husbands and wives learn communication skills.  One alone cannot take back to the other all the lessons learned, especially when their basic problem often may be the inability to communicate with each other.

There were group sessions for women alone as well as for the men.   Then we came together for other sessions.

Topics included:

Celebration of Friendship, where each woman was encouraged to put into her own words how we felt about our husbands and their cross dressing.

Building Self  Esteem, where each woman took an inventory of her self-esteem (for her eyes only) and we did a self acceptance exercise.  Then there was discussion, and sharing, but no finger pointing.

Men and Women Spiritually was a wonderful talk. The speaker, did a great job of getting the problem of spiritually defined and he put forth some thought provoking ideas and solutions.

Communication Skills and Application Skills for Men and Women.  This was done by a couple who did one super job of showing us a lot about communicating with each other.  Everyone would benefit from their wonderful presentation.

We had a small group discussion session on Friday afternoon. This was voluntary for anyone wanting to just talk with a few people on a more individual bases and it seemed to go very well.  Both the couple and single attendees seemed to be appreciative of the help they received.  We spoke with each during the evening, and they expressed their gratitude for the help given.

Crossdressing and committed relationships was fantastic.  The leader did a wonderful job of getting everyone to express their thoughts and ideas.  Some good ideas and possible solutions for how to handle the crossdressing came from this session.

There was one afternoon when there was a Smorgasbord of sessions.   Different groups with special interests.  I can't personally comment on these as I spent the afternoon chatting with others who did not have an interest in any of the sessions.  It was a great time for discussing how the conference had helped each of us.

The last group session was handled by a wonderful speaker who did a fantastic job of putting the final touches on the whole conference.  His talk was to the point and he had a great way of getting people on their feet and expressing themselves.

Over all I think this was a wonderful conference, and I am happy that it is an annual event.  I wish more chapters would do a better job of promoting S.P.I.C.E.  At least one couple or individual from each chapter should attend so they can report back to their chapter.  I wonder how many members of Tri-Ess really understand what this is all about and how much help it can be to everyone.  The web pages are great, but it seems to me that nothing is as helpful as firsthand feedback. Don and I, along with another couple from our chapter, Rob and Linda, who also attended, will provide feedback to our chapter (Rho Tau) meeting on August 19.  And we are going to work very hard to get more participation in this program from both our single members as well as our couples.  There is something for everyone at S.P.I.C.E.  And I hope to see you all next year in Cleveland, Ohio.

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