Rho Tau Newsletter

(Almost) Everything you want to know about NAILS!	Your Husband is Still the Same Man!
Wives/SOs help needed	CD Kids' Bill of Rights
March chapter meeting reveals more details for SPICE 2002	Light Your Candle
The Trip

Are you ready to go girls? Have your tool kits out and hands prepared? Today we make beautiful nails. We will discuss the basic steps in some detail; followed by some great tips from the pros and some boo boo fixes. You will find these techniques very useful. If you feel uncomfortable with long nails for everyday, keep in mind that short well groomed nails always look nice. Using a matte finish clear polish will maintain them and probably will not receive attention. For special occasions, there are always the faux variety. If you want false nails, remember that the press-on variety does come off at the end of an evening or at least that is the designed idea. Some ladies have used gobs of super glue and found that they are not easy to remove. A couple of small dots of super glue of equivalent will hold a nail nicely and can be remover without destroying your nail. Only a little buffing is required to remove the remaining glue. Press-on nails now come in a variety of colors. The problem with these for most TG ladies is finding ones with wide enough nail beds. Acrylic/gel nails, usually done at nail salons, look great but can not be removed readily. They must be grown out and filed as with natural nails. The seam where your nail and the acrylic/gel nail meet needs to be buffed to hide it. To accelerate the process, use a dremel tool to shorten and keep up with the filing and buffing. my choice would be to go to the nail shop where I got them and ask them to groom them down. So make your choice. On to manicuring your own. Clean your hands and nails first as we described last month. Then . . .

1. Take off old polish with non-acetone remover. Acetone based removers tend to dry the cuticle and nails. Use cotton balls or cotton wades and stroke from the cuticle area to the ends to prevent getting polish stain on fingers around the nail. Do this even if you don't have polish on. It will remove dirt and oils on the nail surface.

2. Trim nails or file with a coarse emery board, leaving only a thin edge of white. If nails are longer than one-half inch, trim them with a few short snips of a nail scissors. (Cutting off too much at once or using a clipper can cause nails to bend and tear.) Choose a length you are comfortable with in your everyday life. Otherwise. shorten nails with the coarse side of an emery board, leaving a tiny edge, about one quarter inch or less of white. With the fine-grained side of the board, shape nails into a shape that works for you.

Nails should complement your hand size and cuticle shape. Fashion is showing very long, pointed nails this season, but this dramatic length and shape isn't for everyone. Nails should be tailored to suit each individual, regardless of what fashion dictates.

Before proceeding with shaping your nails, carefully analyze your finger length and thickness, hand size and cuticle shape; then follow these guidelines:
1.) Long, rounded, almond tips are the perfect match for petite hands and fingers.
2.) Active-length squovals complement fingers that are long and slim, or short and stocky.
3.) Heavy-set hands and wide nail beds look best with squared-off extensions.
4.) If the cuticle is oval, go with an oval nail, if it is square, create a squoval nail.

File from outside corners toward the middle, or across in one direction at an angle not greater than 45 degrees from the perpendicular to the nail tip toward the finger tip, but do file at an angle to help strength. (Avoid filing the sides of nails, which can weaken them.- and never use a sawing action) Smooth rough edges and file nails into a desired shape with the fine-grained side of an emery board. Regular filing is a nail strengthener and gets rid of those little snags. About once a week along with your other nail and hand care will work very well. Never file deep into the corners of the nail. Filing the corners weakens the sides of the nail, which are very important for overall strength. Nails permitted to grow out at the sides appear longer and wear better.

3. Apply cuticle remover. Do not cut cuticle, though you may have seen a strip mall nail shop do this. Its simply wrong. Although it is tempting to trim, the health implications of cutting cuticles may convince you to think before reaching for your cuticle nippers. The cuticle prevents bacteria from entering the lunula (that near white crescent-shaped area at the nail plate's base) by sealing off the potential space between the root of the nail and the skin. By removing the cuticle, the newly forming nail is left unprotected and vulnerable to infection. Never cut the cuticle: instead push it back gently with a orangewood stick. Strong cuticle growth should be controlled with a cuticle softener or cuticle remover liquid. The only time you should ever cut is if the cuticle is extremely hard, dry and sticking straight up, but you must be careful not to cut the entire cuticle. Never use metal or sharp instruments on your cuticles.

Dab a cuticle remover on the entire nail bed. Let sit for a few minutes (more than ten can be irritating) and wipe or rinse off. Soak hands for five to ten minutes in a small bowl filled with a few drops of a mild liquid soap or bath gel and warm water. (Avoid hot water, which can be drying to the nails and cuticles.- of course you knew that) Soaking may be tedious, but the warm water softens the cuticles and makes them easier to push back. You can also add a capful or two of hydrogen peroxide to whiten as you soak. When you finish soaking, use a soft nail brush to loosen any dirt and remove any dead skin around the cuticles and beneath the nails.

4. Apply lotion or oil to cuticles, allowing it to soak in for a few minutes. (Dry cuticles are more prone to tearing and other painful damage.) Gently push back the entire area with a soft towel or an orangewood stick wrapped in cotton.

5. Using a natural nail stone (a pencil-shaped pumice), remove excess bits of skin from the nail bed and around cuticles with small circular movements. With nippers, snip off hangnails (but not cuticles - cutting them may cause infections). If your nails are ridged or bumpy, smooth the surface with a nail-buffing. stick (Revlon makes a 6 sided tool, 4 of which are for smoothing and polishing nail surfaces) Gently push back cuticles with a cotton-wrapped orangewood stick. If you do not desire to use color on your nails, the buffing stick from Revlon can give nails a great shine. It has 4 finishing surfaces and 2 other surfaces for shaping.

6. To prevent polish from peeling, remove lotion or oil from nails with a cotton swab or an orangewood stick
wrapped in cotton and dipped in remover or wash hands completely (top professionals recommend washing). Pat dry. Brush on a base coat, and let dry for one to two minutes.

7. Apply two thin coats of polish to nails, working from pinkie to thumb to avoid smudging. (Thin layers of polish mean you don't need to wait so long between coats.) Do give about 10 minutes between coats. Bubbles may form under the newest coat if there is not ample drying time between coats. I like to work on my dominate hand first Immediately sweep mistakes from cuticles with an orangewood stick dipped in polish remover. As long as the color completely covers the nail, there is no need for a third coat. The issue of color is a part of good style. Nail polish should compliment the overall scheme of your look. Softer natural colors are great for daytime and more bold colors for evenings. French nails are always elegant. Many style experts agree that it is not necessary to match nail color exactly to your lip color, but should somewhat close. If your are going for a certain look, throw all that out. In the summer there are no rules, just color.

8. Finish with a topcoat, and let nails dry for at least ten minutes. I find you really need about 2 hours. Though the surface feels dry and not tacky, the area underneath is still soft and can smudge or wrinkle badly if you do anything physical. Running nails under cold water or applying a cosmetic oil (even baby oil) after the initial 10-15 minutes of natural drying will quicken drying.

Tricks of the Trade:
KEEP POLISH FRESH and free flowing by storing in the refrigerator or at least a naturally cool place.

ROLL THE BOTTLE Of POLISH gently between your hands instead of shaking it, which creates bubbles. .
Since many bottles are square or at least have one flat side, hold the bottle by the cap and swing the bottle gently in a small circle. This will achieve the same as rolling will.

CHOOSE A PALE COLOR If you're clumsy or in a hurry. Mistakes will be less noticeable and easier to clean up. (Pale colors also require less maintenance, because chips and nicks aren't as obvious.) .

If YOU'RE USING a dark color, leave a fine border of bare nail along the sides to keep polish from bleeding onto the cuticles. (The border will also make nails look longer.) .

SMALL NAILS will look bigger with sheer or metallic polish. (Running a white pencil under the tips of sheer nails will make them seem longer, too.) .

STEADY A SHAKY HAND by resting an extended pinkie on an immobile object, like a bathroom sink, while you polish. .

TO GET the right amount of polish on the brush, dip it into the bottle and drag It up along the side of the bottle's opening. The side of the brush with polish still on it will have enough to cover one nail. .

TO APPLY COLOR, start at the middle of the nail and then move to the sides, creating a thin coat with
three quick strokes.

PLACE BRUSH an eighth of an inch away from the cuticle (gentle pressure on the bristles will distribute the polish outward).

AFTER APPLYING COLOR, swipe excess polish from brush across the tip of the nail to protect the edge

APPLY TOPCOAT quickly and evenly, without letting brush sit on top of nail, which will cause streaks. .

REVIVE THICK OR GLOPPY POLISH with a few drops of polish thinner. (Never use polish remover for
this purpose.)

Problems Problems Problems - Fixing those inevitable boo-boos

Smudges: If wet polish gets smudged or nicked, moisten the pad of your finger with polish remover and tap lightly to smooth out the error. Or paint on a layer of Orly Smudge Fixer to smooth it out. Is this easy? Not at all. I most often just redo the entire nail., though I have been successful using a little polish remover on a polish application brush.

Lint on wet Polish: Use nippers to pull out the lint, being careful not to touch the nail. Cover with a topcoat or clear polish.

Air Bubbles: Avoid the mistake ahead of time by using fresh rolled (not shaken) polish applied out of direct sunlight and away from a hot lamp. When bubbles do occur, a good topcoat will usually smooth them out.

Messy Polish: Carefully remove small mistakes using an orangewood stick dipped in polish remover. This is best done immediately, while you are applying the polish, so have the tools handy. Their are also pen products available just for this that already have remover in them.

Chips: Moisten the pad of your finger (preferably pinky or third finger) with remover and quickly swipe it across the chipped area to smooth out edges. Dab a bit of polish on the chip, let dry for a few seconds and cover entire nail with a coat of polish then a topcoat.

Broken Nails: If the break is not too low, cut the nail, file it and trim other nails to the same length. For a more severe tear into the nail bed, remove polish, apply a couple of drops of nail glue to the surface and let set while holding the break in place. After about a minute reapply glue and cover with a small silk wrap, tae bag, coffee filter or even a tissue. let dry. Buff nail with an emery board to trim off excess and smooth the nail, then polish as before.

All this is so easy when you have another free hand. It takes many hours of practice and oodles of patience. You have now learned to appreciate the value of a good nail tech.

Hummmm if you have some good tips to add, please send them in. Help our newsletter grow and benefit everyone. Your experiences or field of expertise can form another part of the Rho Tau personality in print. I understand we are looking for a recipe columnist, a thrifty shopper, a clothing style expert, a poet, a comedian, a movie critic, a health expert and even a scoop reporter . . are any of you out there?

Typically the wife who learns about her husband's cross dressing after many years of marriage has difficulty understanding and coping with this seemingly drastic altered perception of who her husband really is. She may feel that he betrayed her trust by not telling her sooner or that she failed as a woman or that he is less of a man. The following is my response. It is
directed to every wife who finds herself confronted with this situation and tells her husband to deny and hide this part of himself.

You ask why it was a big secret for so many years. Look at what is happening because he brought out his secret to you. Does that not tell you something? For him to tell you had to be very hard to do. Sometimes it takes a long time because CDs are not sure what it is all about and are confused themselves. You know you still have and are married to the same man. Because
he chooses to express this particular part of his gender by wearing feminine clothing does not change who he is, it just adds another perspective to his whole person. What is it that really has got you frightened or upset? Is it because you think he is no longer the MAN you thought he was? He is still the same man. This has nothing to do with what sex he is, it has to do with the fact that he is made up of both the feminine and masculine genders and he chooses to express the side of him that is feminine gender in this way. It has nothing to do with SEX.

It is an interesting fact that in some of the Indian nations these people are honored and protected. They are known as having twin Spirits and are often the Shamans. In those tribes, or at least some I know, that it is not only the man who can choose what he wants to do but also the woman. There are women who choose to be warriors and they are respected. They are not forced to be the one working in the fields and tending the children as they too have the right to choose because they also can have twin spirits. The Shamans are the ones that deal with family problems because it is thought that they have a better understanding because they are made up of both masculine and feminine.

I know that none of this is easy for either of you. He is presenting you with things that you do not understand, and I am sure are frightening because you do not know what they mean or where it is going to lead. On the other hand, you are asking him to deny a part of who he really is. You are telling him that he should be ashamed of that part, and that he needs to hide it.
Sometimes we need to step back for a moment and try to understand what the other person is going through, how they feel, and what it has cost them to share the secret. I do hope that you will not take offense with my comments because I am not trying to judge. I am just expressing what I feel. I hurt for you both. I wish that you can find happiness and peace. It really can be a wonderful life and, it does not need to be one of shame, hurt and denial.

1. We have the right to discuss the subject of crossdressing openly with our parents.
2. We have the right to have our "Dad" (or "Mom" if FTM) when needed.
3. We have the right to seek the support of our peers through such resources as the CD-Kids forum.
4. We have the right not to be pressured into seeing our parent crossdressed or into going to public places with him/her.
5. We have the right to be asked for permission before any of our belongings are borrowed.
6. We have the right to not have to deal with transgendered issues during our teenage formation years.
7. We have the right to be able to bring friends home without fear of what they may find.
8. We have the right to education and learning materials suitable for our age and maturity.
9. We have the right to say "No" without fear or guilt.
10. We have the right to be kids

Cheryl Seymour, Tri Ess Coordinator for wives/SO support needs SO's willing to contribute a little of their time helping new SO's learn about Triess.

If you are (1)an SO, (2)a Tri Ess member for at least a year, (3) willing to share some time, please fill out the application at:

Call to Order
The meeting was called to order @7:00 PM by Lucy Stone - after a potluck dinner

Welcome to Special Guests - Rachel Boyd, Editrix of the Wild Rose of Chesapeake (Chi Epsilon Sigma)

Previous balance - $1502.07
Current balance after expenses and collection of dues - $1716.55

Requested a volunteer for program chair next year.
Announced that the Halloween party would be at the 1776 House - Menu suggestions were requested

Light Your Candle

Isn't it great that we have Tri-Ess, and in most areas, a local chapter as well? Tri-Ess provides each of us with invaluable guidance and support for our own lives and for that of our chapters. Chapters provide support and a safe place for dressing. A place where you can meet others like you who are either cross dressers or spouses and SOs. It is one place where you can go for a social outlet and a safe haven for dressing without the fear of being outed. Comfort is what we are all looking for. However, in order for that safe comfortable place to continue to exist, everyone needs to care enough to be willing to help.

Anything that is accomplished for Tri Ess or your chapter, is the result of the volunteer activity of someone. About now, some of you are probably saying, "That is true, and I would be glad to help if I had time." Just think, if everyone felt that way, we wouldn't have Tri Ess, and we wouldn't have a chapter. And do you really think that the folks who are actively involved in Tri Ess or chapter activities have any more time than you do? Unfortunately, there are cases of other chapters where too many members were "too busy " or just became complacent, and the chapter folded because something happened to a member who played a key role. Here in southeastern Virginia, there was a thriving Tri Ess chapter that folded when a couple who was carrying much of the load moved. Only the cooperative efforts of members can prevent the demise of a chapter, or for that matter Tri Ess.

"But what can I do?" You might be thinking. "I work long hours, and at most, I could only spare a few hours per month anyway. Besides, no one has specifically asked me to do anything ." One way to become more active is to volunteer to help. When referring to volunteer activities, Bishop Fulton Sheen used to say, "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." In other words, it is better to do a little than to be unhappy because something either is not being done or is not being done well. And just think what could be accomplished if everyone in Tri Ess was an active participating member. Sometimes we only have an hour or two a month to use for volunteering why not help your chapter and/or Tri-Ess? To use Bishop Sheen's analogy, don't you think it is time to light your candle? Help support your chapter and Tri-Ess by volunteering for jobs that need to be done.

Last christmas I took a trip to New York for business. Having made the trip many times, I thought I would do this one totally en femme. The itinerary would get me up early and on the road dressed by 8:00 am. I knew it would take me two hours to get to Salisbury, MD, where I would stop at the big mall off route 13 and shop. 10:00 am, I thought, would be a great time to walk around the mall and not too crowded.

I left on schedule. When I paid the toll at the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel, the woman collecting the toll did not look too amused. Not that I was trying for laughs. Indeed, I was hoping that no one would notice and all would be great. Instead, she gave one of those looks of certain disapproval. However, I did not let that bother me as I continued the trip.

The outfit I choose was simple, a dark blue ankle-length dress with matching blue pumps. I had my auburn wig on, which is my favorite. As the clock neared 10:00, I was getting ever so close to the mall. I was thinking about what I would do and where I wanted to shop. Suddenly, a Maryland State Trooper stepped out from behind some trees and flagged me over. My heart stopped. As the officer worked his way to my car, I searched for my drivers listens, insurance and other pertinent information. When he reached the window, he simply said "may I see your license - mam". Oh, god! what will he do when he looks at the license? What do I say? I decided to relax and not do anything except act like lady. When he returned he indicated that I was doing 68 miles per hour in a 55 zone. Then, he asked if I had my license and suggested that I handed him my husbands instead. I spoke calmly, and succinctly that this was my license. He looked at me and then indicated that he was not going to ticket me, but instead, would give me a warning. After that, he said to have a nice day and to watch my speed.

I reached the mall at 9:50. I was inside the main door at 10:00. I first went into one of the department stores. A small group of about 8 teenagers where standing inside the door. They spotted me immediately and pointed out that I was a man in a dress. I did not pay them any mind, and otherwise, nothing further was said. I then went into a jewelry store a bought a ring. 'The saleswomen were very friendly and helpful. I did find one liked. In fact, the rest of the day was fine, including a stop in Dover for lunch. No one said another word as I went about my business. I arrived safely in New York at 10:00 pm. A long day, but one I enjoyed immensely. I went to dinner in a quaint little restaurant in the village.