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the May 2006 Club Newsletter The cTView Website
is:
http://www.transgender.org/ctv Web Editor: gingerann@feminocity.com
(Ginger Ann) Newsletter Editor:
gingerann@feminocity.com
(Ginger Ann) This month’s newsletter has been
created by Ginger Ann. With much appreciated help from all contributors! |
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Section 1: cTView Club and Meeting Notes |
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Meeting Attendance and Treasury
Report |
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It was a nice and sunny afternoon. I was able to change into
Jeannette this time and it would be a very different meeting then the one I
had last month. Michelle Sherman came. She put on a movie "killer Drag
Queens" that I wanted to see. She also helped with the vacuuming at the
end of the evening. Roselee came. She was one of
the girls that bought a copy of my book. An older lady came that once saw me
alone at "partners" The evening was one that was uneventful with the usual number of
five people showing up.
sincerelly; jeannette |
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Section 2: Denise’s 2 Cents Worth |
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Denise’s Two Cents By Denise Mason |
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Last month I made a few
suggestions. Here are the responses. |
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Section 3: News and Religion |
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Section 4: Entertainment
and Art |
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Section 5: General Articles and Cartoons |
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Submitted By Amy The first crimp in my plan was that my
son and his girlfriend decided to stay the night so my plan to put on makeup
and go to Brenda and Tammi’s dressed was stymied.
Well I Showered and put my stockings on under my pants. I went out and put
gas in the car for the trip to I knew I was leaving early ( I got to exit 26 on route 8 and kept looking for a deserted or large parking lot. There were a few places I could have stopped but ended up driving past Brenda and Tammi’s place and parking way off to the side of CVS. Keeping a keen eye out I slipped off my pants (remember I had tights on) and slipped on my skirt. Taking a look around me again I pulled my arms in my shirt and blouse and attempted to put on my bra like Jennifer Beals took it off in Flashdance. In the middle of inserting my bra down my collar I heard a car door slam near by. They were a few cars away and didn’t see. I find that it probably easier to take it off than to put it on. I did get it done. I put everything away, fixed my hair, and tried to fix my makeup, I was just about ready. Meanwhile at Brenda and Tammi’s, Tammi’s granddaughter had thrown up grape juice on the couch. Tammi’s daughter and her two daughters were there. I had delayed my arrival but still got there 5 minutes early. I heard from inside after I rang the bell “is she here”. What a feeling it is to be called “she”, it’s good. I still felt like I was early Brenda, Tammi, and Michelle were still in their sleepwear. (Michelle is Brenda and Tammi’s have a live in friend). It doesn’t bother me, I don’t stand on ceremony. They are all wonderful to open up their home and their hearts. I sat on the back porch with Tammi and we talked for a while. There is nothing but woods behind their house but we observer a yellow tripod. There was a surveyor, the property behind the house was bought and a road is going to be put through. That is unfortunate. Tammi likes to spend time photographing nature behind the house especially the birds. Tammi’s daughter took her two children out for some errands and to the park. Friday the 21st was Brenda’s birthday. The week before I had emailed Tammi to find out what she needed or wanted. Sparkplugs were the answer so she could get her bike running. She was thrilled I was happy that it was something that she really wanted. We spent the morning talking. I read some passages from the book “Finding the Real Me” that had meaning for me. I started crying. Brenda gave me a big hug. I know this is who I am and I know that my life will soon be turned upside down. This was the low point of the day. My makeup job that I did myself had been falling apart. I cleaned it off and Brenda gave me a closer shave. I had tried the best I could in the morning but I just need a better razor. The Joann method with the baby ointment didn’t work for me I think that the heat from my sky was liquefying it. Brenda redid my makeup. It looked much better but still I could see the shadow of a mustache. I didn’t really care. I don’t want to be too obvious but people will not look up from what they are doing to notice. Tammi had thrown all of Tom’s (her pervious existence) clothes except for a couple of shirts. These were transition shirts. Men’s shirts with a little flair (right up my alley). I tried a few on but only one of them fit me (sleeves, my arms are too long). A good description may classify them as disco or dance clothes. The one that fit me is a deep blue with strips of vertical blue satin cloth. Tammi let me take this one home. Now I have to figure out an explanation for my wife where I got the shirt. I guess the best thing is to say I picked it up at a tag sale since it doesn’t look brand new. It’s such a rush to be referred to as her. I don’t hear that in my “normal” life. By about It was spring break for school and the parking lot was pretty full and there were a lot of people around, more than there would be on a normal school week. We piled out and headed for Payless Shoes first. I didn’t really have any woman’s shoes. In men’s I wear a 10 ½ wide so for woman it’s just one larger. I was fortunate to find some that I liked. There were actually too many to choose from. I tried on many pairs there was a sandal with a braded top and a lacy pair of white shoes that I liked. If I had a bottomless pit in my wallet I could have kept going. I choose a white pair of scandals and a yellow pair with straps, it was hard to choose between the yellow and the green but I think that the yellow may go with more things. But I was also thinking that I have nothing to go with the yellow at present. The white pair was on sales from 16.99 to 14.99 and the second pair was half off from 14.99 to 7.50 so the total was 22.48. I thought I made out pretty good. I was looking at shoes in Marshall’s and TJ Maxx and they were more and didn’t have my size. I put on my new white sandals and Brenda put my shoes in the car to join us inside at the next store. Right next door is Fashion Bug. Sales
here also, I looked around a little then went straight to the clearance rack.
It was being in a candy store so many things to choose from. Since my
wardrobe is kind of slim again I could have kept going. I had to think what
are the things that I need? Costume jewelry I can find at a thrift store. I
don’t have pieced ears yet but I was close last year when we went to I really didn’t know what size I should be. I was drawn to this nice light summer dress. It was shades of pink and white in the shapes of flowers. I loved it. Usually when I walk right to something I like it. The size was the question. I would have to try it on. Were I by myself even though dressed I might not have had the nerve to go into the dressing room. But with Brenda pulling me along, I went. A size 16, it fit. Here’s where the day turned for me. I stood there in the dressing room with Brenda looking at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t believe it. There I was, Amy. It was me, the real me. I was beaming. I look good. It was unbelievable. Maybe it was not only the turning point of the day but the turning point of my life. I knew that this was me. I was happy, very happy. I could have cried right there. Amy is really alive. Part of me couldn't believe it was really happening. It’s a keeper. We went back out and looked through the clearance rack. I first pulled out a very pink top, with a black skirt. Back in the dressing room I tried it on, too pink! Returning to the sale rack I found two tops to my linking. One was a not so pink top with a lacy edge and the other a solid red top. Brenda loved the pink it was contoured to show off my hour glass figure. I did look good. The solid red will go with lots of things but both will go with my black skirt. Two more keepers. We had spent some time between the two
stores and I was about time to start moving on. Tammi had found some capris. “I couldn’t go to two stores and not buy
something” she said. The items I purchased were red tagged so they were 50%
the lowest price. The total for me was $34.47, another bargain. Oh, I could
have kept on looking but I knew we should be moving on. In the back of my
mind I knew I needed to leave by around It was now around Music is my driving passion. Showed Brenda and Tammi my Ipod and talked about the music I have on it. I had collected a playlist of songs about cross dressing and and transsexuals. The songs were “Masculine Woman and Feminine Men”, “Lets All Be Fairies”, “He’d Rather Be A Girl”, “Are You A Boy Or Are You A Girl”, “Lola”, and “The Stranger” there are more but this was all we had time to listen to on our drive to the next stop and back home. After the Diner we went to the wig shop. I have never been in a store that only had wigs. There were a lot of wigs, you could flip it, ha ha. I expected the prices to be more than I could afford at the moment, in the $150 range. There was even a natural hair wig that sold for $400. But looking at myself in a wig didn’t look right. I have so much hair now the wig stood up to much to get the right effect. I looked like someone from an 80’s hair band. The wigs on display for trying on were not well combed. I was looking at someone with a wild hairstyle. My hair is thick and I’m growing it long, I like the look of my natural hair. Except for a few strands of grey I think it looks good. I did get somewhat of the same comment from the person in the wig store as well. It did make me realize that I want to grow my hair longer, about mid-chest would feel nice. So we wigged off back home. The next time I go out shopping enough of this frilly stuff. I need some pants and a casual top, a purse and a wallet. Back when we were just getting out of the car at the shopping center I remembered that I wanted to get a photo out in front of a store. When we arrived back home Michelle was just leaving. I bade her farewell and Tammi and I got out of the car while Brenda put it back down the driveway. When we got back inside I grabbed my new dress and headed for the bathroom. I quickly changed I was anxious to try on my new dress. I wanted Tammi to take a picture. When I emerged Tammi’s daughter commented how beautiful it was and what nice figure I have. To take a photo in better light we went outside. I was waiting around just kind stepping back and forth and out in the street there was a mom pushing a stroller in the street. As Tammi was taking a picture and they walked by out of the corner of my ear I heard “Look at the Pretty Lady”. There may you say was the highlight of the day. That was my goal. It was the fulfillment of the day. I was on cloud 9. I was beaming and it shows in the photographs. The day was waning; it must come to an
end. I was a little behind my time I should have left at I gave Brenda and Tammi a big hug and promised that I would be back. I was sorry to see the day end I wished I could have stayed longer. I didn’t want the day to end. I didn’t let it end. On the drive home I worried. I didn’t let myself worry all day. I kept wondering if somehow my son or my wife might have called the office and didn’t get an answer and maybe called home and didn’t get an answer. “Where were you how come you didn’t return my call” I though. I made good time going home getting there in just over an hour. When I got home my son
wasn’t there yet. I thought “good” this gives me time to unload my purchases
and stash them away. I got onlne and there was
Brenda checking up on me to see if I got home safe and sound. A short time
later my wife called to say that my son would not me coming home that night
and would not need a ride back to school. This gives
me the opportunity to try on my new clothes. I ran up stairs to put on my new
dress. I chatted and emailed to start to tell everyone about my wonderful
day. As it happened as I went back upstairs later with my dress still on I
suddenly heard a car. My son had come home. I did a quick change and cam
down. He stayed a short while with his girlfriend. Then I had the rest of the
evening to be me. I didn’t want it to end and stayed up till The next day I was just about to throw away the receipts from my purchases (I didn't want my wife to see – yet at least) but I stopped and folded it up slipped it in the secret compartment of my wallet to remember this day. I reveled in the feeling of being me. This will always be a precious memory. But there is still something missing, I don't fill out my dress. |
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Section 6: Editorial
and Commentary |
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Purging
Submitted
by Ginger Ann
Summary Guilt-based purging is ineffective because it denies the attraction of crossdressing. To stop crossdressing, a crossdresser needs to believe that he will experience more happiness by *not* crossdressing. Only then will he desire to stop. Most crossdressers know about purging, when a crossdresser, feeling guilty, throws out all his female clothes, wigs, makeup, etc. While a common thing, crossdressers also generally say that purging doesn't work--eventually the urge returns, and one ends up buying new female things. It becomes an expensive exercise in futility. Economics aside, I think there is good reason to be skeptical about purging. In fact, I think it is an inherently ineffective way to stop crossdressing. For one thing, if you oppose a habit like crossdressing with a lot of energy, it seems like the habit can take that energy and become stronger. I don't understand the exact dynamics, but it does seem to work like that. But more fundamentally, purging evades the root cause of crossdressing. Crossdressing is done because it feels good. It is a rational choice. The crossdresser asks: Is the pleasure of crossdressing worth (a) the monetary cost, (b) the risk of embarrassment, and (c) the occasional guilt? And the answer is a resounding YES! The pleasure is worth it. That is what is goes on in the crossdresser's mind. Purging denies this rational choice aspect. It merely tries to veto the choice by ultimatum: Never mind what you want, it's wrong and that's that! That is bound to backfire because it denies that crossdressing was determined by our "self-interest calculus" to be good. Purging is basically a lie, with the crossdresser saying "I will not do what in fact I really want to do." To be honest, when I did a major purge, I still felt like I wanted to, and would, return to crossdressing. The feelings were too sublime to abandon. I was still attached to it. I felt guilt, so I purged and ceased the behavior, but by no means let go of the desire. So it was inevitable that after a while I would resume crossdressing. The Alternative
To stop crossdressing, a crossdresser needs to believe that he will experience more happiness by *not* crossdressing. Only then will he desire to stop. The issue thus is what the crossdresser has to gain by stopping. For one thing, a crossdresser looks inward to gratify his need for nearness to female beauty, grace, and feminine "energy." In so doing, he invests less time seeking and experiencing these things with actual females. Indeed, for some reason, he has perhaps stopped looking to females for these things. However well the crossdresser might express femininity himself, it is not as good as the real thing--it is detached from deep, beautiful, timeless dance between men and women, which is tied up with the important business of perpetuating the species. An advantage of not crossdressing is that ideally the crossdresser can pursue this dimension of life in connection with real women--where there is a potential for much greater beauty, meaning and happiness. A second obvious problem of crossdressing is isolation. Crossdressers are isolated because there is a huge area to their life that they do not share with most people. And even in their male mode, there is a tendency to anxiety and inhibitedness due their "secret." So a second possible benefit of not crossdressing is a fuller involvement with other people. Hopefully, by spending less time on crossdressing and associated fantasies, the man would spend more time with other people, and derive more pleasure from relating to other people than from his self-relationship. If these considerations are to actually impact crossdressing, the crossdresser must do more than accept them intellectually; he must see them as "experientially" true. Only then will he have a desire to change which is stronger than the desire to crossdress. |
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Section 7: Ginger Ann’s Own Space |
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Facial Feminization
Surgery |
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But nothing
really worked. A transsexual who decided late in life to transition to female
gender, Roberts went to "I felt
like I could not shift over to a full-time gender position until my face --
my identity -- was correct," explains Roberts. The 59-year-old Ousterhout,
who practices at the "Most
plastic surgeons aren't bone doctors," Ousterhout
says, "and never spend time really analyzing the difference between the
female and male skull." None, he claims, delivers the radical results
he's achieved with 918 procedures beginning in 1978. Surgeons who
perform the work are rare. Ousterhout declined to
estimate the current number, but Chicago plastic surgeon Mark L. Zukowski, who performs 80 to 100 facial feminizations per
year, guesses there are "at most 12 (doctors) in the world, with three
or four top people." For $22,000
to $40,000 -- roughly twice the cost of sexual reassignment surgery -- Ousterhout's patients undergo as much as 10 1/2 hours of
surgery. They remain in the hospital two days after surgery, then transfer to the Cocoon House, a bed-and-breakfast
facility run by two nurses in Eighty-five
to 90 percent of Ousterhout's patients are
transgender. Ninety-five percent come from outside the Bay Area. "I have
one patient who wants the surgery so badly," he says. "She's in a
coal-mining town somewhere in Most of Ousterhout's patients, like Stacy Windsor of At 24, Her mother,
Karen, has flown in from southern "It's
pretty rare, sadly," Windsor, who
looks like Hilary Swank in "Boys Don't Cry" -- only much more
feminine -- is speaking in a private room at Ousterhout's office, its walls covered in plaques and
diplomas from Ousterhout's long career. She's
nervous about being exposed, especially at work, where everyone assumes she's
a biological female. She asks not to be photographed for this story, or
identified by her real name. The
procedure, she hopes, will help her not only to pass but also to feel more
"integrated" in her female identity. "I'm having the jaw
tapered," she says. "And I'm going to have the chin reduced and
brought forward." The male
skull, Ousterhout explains, has more hooding over
the eyes, whereas females have a more "open, convex orbit." During
facial feminization surgery, Ousterhout pulls the
face back from the forehead and removes part of the forehead bone, leaving a
more feminine contour. The chin, which in men is wider and 20 percent longer
than the female mandible, is reduced to female size and shape through a
process called a sliding genioplasty. "It's
like taking out the salami between two pieces of bread," he says. "I also
don't like the width of my nose," Last of all,
the most obvious factor and biggest giveaway for transsexuals is the thyroid
cartilage, or Adam's apple. While many surgeons make a small transverse
incision in the front of the neck, immediately above the cartilage
prominence, Ousterhout approaches it through an
incision just behind the chin to leave less obvious scarring. Eight days
after her surgery, a few hours after her sutures and bandages are removed, "It's a
horribly painful operation to recover from," Stacy says. "I was
under anesthesia 13 hours. Transplants don't take 13 hours!" When the
bandages were removed and she saw her new face, "I popped a Valium. It's
such a huge change from how I looked before." For the next six weeks,
Stacy has to take saline nasal spray six times a day. She can't wear glasses,
a bicycle helmet or any kind of protective headgear for six months. Six days
after our last visit, she sends an e-mail from "My
scalp incision shed a lot of hair around the edges, making me sensitive about
people noticing it. And there's new stubble there, which will be a complete
pain in the butt to style in about a month. I can't pluck my eyebrows because
of risk of infection. ... I basically look like Stalin,
or Bert from ' "It's
all stuff that's going to be just fine in the long term," she adds.
"It's just gross now." Stacy sees
the facial surgery as being more about identity than vanity. She was homeless
and on drugs two years ago, and says the expensive procedure -- $35,000 in
her case -- was possible only because a family friend volunteered to front
the cash. "Even if I'd found work in a field where I did well
financially, it would've taken 10 years to save that much money." "Ten
really difficult years," her mother adds. "I have
a new opportunity here with the new face," Stacy says. "For the
majority of Dr. O's patients, it's the difference between a very successful
life and a sad and lonely, little life." Not everyone
agrees that FFS is desirable for transitioning transsexuals. Lannie
Rose, a She's got a
point: Think of Roberta Muldoon, the professional football player-turned-lady
played by John Lithgow in "The World According to Garp."
Or Roy "Ruth" Applewood, a Midwestern
husband and dad, played by the bearish Tom Wilkinson, who shocks his family
by coming out as transgender in the cable drama " In fact, Ousterhout says, the size of the face is modified through
FFS: "By reducing the forehead length through scalp advancement to a
female position, and by reducing the vertical height of the chin in the
sliding genioplasty, the face is made smaller in
all regards." For patients
like Roberts, who go through life thinking of themselves as women despite a
body that claims otherwise and then gradually find the courage to make the
transition, Ousterhout's makeovers are
life-changers. "The best way to describe this procedure and its impact
on my life is that for the first time in 59 years my outside looks something
like my inside." Before FFS,
Roberts says, "I thought I was ugly. I finally figured out that I didn't
regard myself as ugly, but rather 'wrong.' The image in the picture was not
me. Now it is, and that fact is so profound for me that I am still giddy from
it!" When the work was finished and she
looked in the mirror, Roberts adds, "I said, 'Oh my God, I look like my
mother!' While most women make this statement with chagrin, I made it with
real joy. Actually, it's quite an overstatement since my mother was truly
beautiful -- but I can now see much of her is in me, which touches me
deeply." |
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Section 8: cTView Announcements and Coming Events |
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The I.D. Code Of Our Security Page is: aprilshowers The password for those who fogot theirs is: 111 |
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Welcome
to our new and new-old members! |
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# 463 Julia e-mail address: willor@excite.com Website: None Listed My personal ad (bio) is: I am a
recent Cross dresser having played with it some over the years. My girlfriend
bought me some shoes' recently and it made me realize "this was
me". Fortunately she is very supportive. |
No Photo Available |
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# 464 Rene Williams e-mail address: drkroseect@aol.com Website: DarkRoseWeb.com My husband and I have been involved with the TG
community all of our lives. We started Darkroseweb.com to indulge
in our quest to capture TG transformations. As a result, we are making many
new TG acquaintances. |
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# 465 Gina P e-mail address: Gportanova@cox.net Website: None Listed I am 47, Transgendered and Proud ! I moderate a social/political Transgendered group called Girls
Night Out Club Hartford/Springfield. The purpose of the group .. Unity, Celebration, and Action. I hope to
meet and unite as many TG sisters as possible and to increase our acceptance
in by creating a positive presence in our local communities. |
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# 466 Ashleigh Michelle James e-mail address: ststja45@aol.com Website: None Listed I'm a lifelong CD/TV. I'm tall, mature and my wife is
aware of my dressing although she does nt
participate in any manner. I love classic formal evening wear, flirty
cocktail dresses and lovely daytime secretarial dressing. I have gone to a
Femme Fever event as well as several CDM spring affairs in |
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# 467 Olive e-mail address: drawknarf@aol.com Website: None Listed Maine/CT I actually live in I would like to meet others who are more like
me. Can you give me any suggestions? I am usually in the Any help would be appreciated. |
No Photo |
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Please donate a few
bucks to the cTView, so that we can have a small slush fund for gifts for
speakers, or an aide to have entertaining meetings which might cost a little
extra. You may send to GA Mann |
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Section 9:General Announcements and Coming Events |
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"I
Love The 80's" |
Tiffany Club of New England Spring Fling 2006 May 12 – May
14 Mark your calendar
now, and plan on joining the Tiffany Club of New England for three fun-filled
days in one of the most open, non-judgmental communities in the world, The spirit of Spring Fling is
non-structured. It’s a time to get out of the closet, classroom, or meeting
hall, and into an accepting society where you can interact with others in the
way that you feel most comfortable. Fun, fulfillment, and growth are what
Spring Fling has to offer, and all in a setting where you can stand facing
the sea and feel the entire country behind you.
All members of the transgender
community, their families and friends, our allies and those who work on our
behalf are welcome to join us. As always, participation in any Tiffany Club
sponsored event requires that all attendees exercise good judgment and common
sense. All attendees are expected to recognize the ambiance of the event and
to protect the security and peace of mind of others. |
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RADIO STATIONS Life OUTside Life OUTside:
OUT FM OUT FM, Monday,
11am-noon, WBAI Radio, NYC, 99.5FM This Way Out and Gay Spirit This Way Out and Gay
Spirit, Thursdays, 8-9pm, WWUH Trans FM TransFM airs every Sunday night
at 7:00 pm at www.transfm.com. Wild Woman Radio Wild Woman Radio airs
weekly on WNHU 88.7 FM, |
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Section 10: Classifieds |
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If anyone is interested, Sharri is trying to sell her knitting
work that she has had at the meetings. She needs the money for her hormone
therapy and so if you have any knitting needs please give her a call. Thank you very much. |
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